Hi there to all those out there who actually read this blog! This is the wonderful MIA super long co-owner, well the title says it out.. silence is golden, so please don't fault me for keeping silent for such a long while. I dont' like the idea of writing with an audience in mind, or like having to write to impress/confirm others' perception/fit in context. simply put it, i'm just blabbering off what's on my mind.
Have you ever felt like what you have taken for granted, the life you have been leading suddenly falls apart? say that i'm being awfully negative, or just another teenage angsty post, i should think otherwise. i'm just like sharing my two cents worth of thoughts. perhaps i should not be such a stark contrast to my super bubbly co-owner, well but i really can't help it! so yes, we have heard about people feeling blue, points in life where everything seems bleak, or how you can feel alone in the crowd of empty faces, but when all this is merely imagination and talk, the experience just somehow doesn't resonate so well inside you.
honestly, reality is not nice at all. then you wonder, if one day you fall into this pit, and even the friends you once talked/joked/crapped with seem to be masked strangers, the satifsfaction of your favourite hobbies sap away, how do you ever get out of it? it's like being sucked into the middle of a thunderstorm, the whirlwinds of life constantly revolving around you, maybe the key to warm sunshine is just beyond that 'solid' wall but when you are trapped inside, how do you know where to find that key?
nowadays, you would call all that depression. but what exactly is this word all about? is it really just a deeper degree of sadness? surely there is more to that, but the strange thing is, everyone has gone through some version of it, yet it is wilfully joked about when someone goes, 'aiyah i'm feelin depressed'. does that person really know what it is like to feel that way? i think it is like an artist who is disgusted at the touch of his paintbrush, or the pianist who hears only jarring notes on his keyboard. it is a life wasting away without music, without laughter; without soulmates; like a path that says 'no return, no future'.
But it is in times like this that your own future lies in your very hands. let the problem take care of itself, and sooner or later you lose to the problem. force yourself to wake up, and maybe there still might be a shimmering of hope. but the battle is only half-won. it is like being in a coma for years, and suddenly when you wake up, you try so hard to fit in again. the friends now drifted away, the opportunities maybe lost, the relationship ties gone cold - who can teach the 'revived' how to pick up their broken pieces once more?
it is easy to judge others, this is very cliche. but when you know how it is like to be judged, would you hold back that tongue of yours for another second? i believe that everyone wants to be loved deep down. if economics assumes that the individual is always a rational consumer, my theory follows that every individual is a vulnerable soul. it just depends on how you package yourself - act tough to hide the vulnerability or show it and be precisely like that.
we often envy others for what they are. why can so-and-so get along so easily with other people? how does so-and-so balance academic excellence and social circle so well? if only so-and-so could be my aherm aherm. but surely so-and-so is plagued with his/her share of problems too? wouldn't it be great to one day realise that everyone is fretting over the same problems? maybe then, you wouldn't feel so alone. but because it is natural to think that you are the only one sunken in the mud, you continue to let yourself sink in and downwards, while others too are actually in the next mudpit doing the same thing. funny logic?
but there are always exceptions. best friends for one are there for a reason. to cultivate mutual trust, to share each other's sentiments, to understand each other and give in even when you might not agree, to be kind and sincere. this is the recipe for friendship - long, lasting, loving (in a friend like manner). i suppose this is only then that the lonely souls out there, need not fret further, because a best friend can be the whole world to you. if you feel down, he/she will be there and through him/her, the door back to the rest of the world can be easily opened up. in your best friend, lies the key.
just because you feel alone
it doesnt mean you should moan
just so you know there is a phone
to call a friend back home
together you have slowly grown
this friend is the best you would ever have known
What can I say after all that rambling, I just realised how great my best-est friend Joanne is. It's not silence that is golden. I think, it is friendship that is truly golden.
Pris
