A levels are just around the corner, at least prelims first, but it just smacks you in the face how fast time flies. i'm sure that saying has been so commonly used that we just accept that inevitably, but sometimes you just don't wish time to pass so 'quickly'. maybe i just happen to be one of the rare few that don't wish to grow up, maybe i've been living too sheltered a life to deal with a future full of uncertainties. standing at the brink of teenage-adulthood, i feel lost. just look at those friends around you bursting with ambitions and goals, and you wonder to yourself, what exactly am i living for? what is sth i would die to do? haha probably nothing, unless to save my loved ones.
i don't like to be gossiped about. haha well i'm guilty of doing it at times too, but it never strikes you how hurtful, or just irritating it can be. to be at the other end poked by those pathetic talk. well of course, as you could refer to the previous post, learn from the quote. if you've nothing better to say, shut up. it's really amazing how the human mind has a natural ability to filter out words/actions/thoughts. it keeps the not so nice ones, those that can be used in the future simply to rake up the past, and harp on it, and make someone feel bad. but how about the blessings that are showered upon every day?
what appears on the outside is almost certainly deceiving. judging people is on par with gossip. i'm guilty of that too. and so are you reading this, you're probably making some judgement of ur own. but it's so instinctive. if someone's acting unusually, there's probably an underlying reason. yes given it may be the character of the person just being plain weird, well i don't think scientists have discovered a gene code called weird right. surely then it must be an external trigger factor. so i guess until we know the person better, we shd just leave him/her alone. right. haha but i'm judging those who judge simply by saying this!
and sometimes you just feel lonely. it's a loneliness inside, an emotional kind. we've harnessed the ability to effectively shut out the inside from the outside world. focus on what's the priority now, don't let those silly feelings distract you. but it doesn't ever go away. and even when you try to confront the source, you don't know how to go about handling it.
i think really, the difference between family (parental) love, and that between non-blood related people, is that the former is relatively conditional. in the sense, you were born to this family, and no matter what, this subtle love remains. it doesn't need flowers, honeyed words, specially made gifts, special acts of service to be sustained. in fact, this kind of love surrounds you all the time. maybe the expression is more coarse, less obvious, but at least for me, this kind of love has never failed. when i'm sick, looking ugly and worn out, my mum's always there. even if i were to stay back till late into the night, my dad's always there to fetch, anywhere around the island. when i've the most embarrasing stuff to share, i've got them. perhaps i'm the one not opening up enough to other kinds, or perhaps i just don't know how to draw the line. between demanding too much and sacrificing one's wishes, discounting one's rightful place. between us and me. anyone knows how?
our mind is really the most fascinating place to be in. although i foresee the next 80 odd days will be largely spent immersed in our books, we can always count on our mind to bring us anywhere we go, and see whatever we want, and dream of whatever we hope for. so despite this seemingly not so postive post, let's always hope and know that God's faithful, and no matter what happens, no matter what troubles we face, we've got Him to turn to. that's one blessing i'm going to count today.
[if you're a regular of this blog, you probably know who it is already]
