i really really really really dont wanna grow up. the intensity of everything scares me. the resoluteness of decisions, the concretisation of events.. and i rarely use ellipses so when i do....

i'm afraid of losing myself, afraid that the core of whoever i am/was/think i am, was merely a mirage. a figment of my idealised imagination. that all that's before me is as red miasma.

what scares me the most in the world right now? making decisions.

confusing confused confuzzled