it's amazing, it's wonderful how God uses the lowest points in our lifes and can turn them around to glorify His name and really strengthen us in faith. i never really truly understood the nuance of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12, "for when i am weak, then i am strong" and that God's grace is sufficient for us and that His power is made perfect in weakness.

strength when i'm weak, when i've fallen time and time again. fallen so short of God's standards, it is then when one is broken that you'll really understand what the grace of God is. it is only then when all strength is exhausted, that i'm willing to finally see that i'm inadequate, that only God is adequate. it is when i'm broken, that i'll truly yield myself to His Spirit. and i'm glad He's drawn me back, to show me that the Author and Perfector of my faith is still continuing a good work in me. (:

i havent written in my journal in a long time and when i read it again today, i realised that i've actually forgotten alot of the truths that i've learnt over all the tumultuous experiences that God is brought me to, and most faithfully brought me THROUGH.

a good reminder was to LIVE FOR GOD and not for people. that it shouldnt' concern my heart as much what others thought of me, but more importantly what God thinks of me. that it doesn't matter so much what the world thinks, cause they'll never truly know my heart. everyone has a standard to emulate, a higher threshold of goodness they believe in. but even if i conformed to what others define as good and obtain their approval, does it necessarily mean it is completely, entirely, most-assuredly good? only in the standards of God will there be full confidence placed and for too long, i've forgotten what the verse of that song means. Jesus, my heart must know i'm pleasing to You

Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. 2 colossians 3:12-14, 17

:)