it's been ages since i've felt any deep longing to precisely put into words my emotions and thoughts. after reading lois' blog, it's like a recess suddenly opened within me, a gaping chasm that echoes hollowly and rings back in plaintive tones. i miss how i used to hide behind poems and give them subtle shades of meaning; miss the times when i freely gave myself poetic license to bare my soul in words half-shrouded in musings.

many times, God teaches me so many lessons, but i'll learn them only for abit and then lapse into my ignorant self all over again. brings to mind how deeply moved i was by my rainbow theory during As, how i firmly, resolutely, resolved to grasp every single moment and enjoy it all, both the good and the bad. it's ironic and more than a tad sad how i keep wanting to live in the future of "better things yet to come". seems like i'm an AC girl at heart haha instead of good ol' Raffles.

how many times have the thoughts of "if i had (_______)", "if (______) happened", "if (_______) was over"... flitted through this mind. why is it so hard for me to stay in the moment and enjoy the moment for what God has blessed me with? all the times when i'm afraid to be honest with myself, i'll just brush it aside and focus on the trivialities of mundane living. but the times when i'm lucid and brave enough to confront myself, i know it's cause i haven't the faith to completely trust that God plans my tomorrows and that He's already been there. i feel like it's only in my hands and the decisions i make, outweigh His plans, and i'm just afraid to completely, thoroughly, trustingly, surrender everything into His Hands.

which is so.. LAME. for lack of a better word haha. He's proven so many many times, on countless occasions that He's more than enough for me, that He's my Provider, for ALLLLLLL things big and small. He's always provided, in terms of blessings; monetary, academic, joy, friends, laughter, family.. i'm a sod, seriously, thinking about all that haha. but it's hard to be mature and thankful all the time, i'm glad that even if i am a sod, i'm a maturing sod. :)

knowing Jesus is just THIS MUCH important. i'm not out to preach, but sometimes i'm just ashamed to see how scared i am to share of the goodness of Your love, of the Truth. people flinch when we use such absolute words, words that leave no room for grey areas and to borrow a colloqualism "LIKE THAT IS LIKE THAT, NO COMPROMISE AT ALL" but Jesus didn't mince His words, He didn't say "I may be the way", He wasn't wishy-washy (as most of us, ME ME ME especially, are apt to be) He said that He's the "only Way, the Truth and the Life". so there you go, there's only 2 options for who Jesus is. He's either telling the truth or He's lying. Either He's a raving lunatic, completely mad and lying. or He's really God's Son.

when it comes down to this, how absolute and uncompromising this is, i get all chilly and admittedly, abit scared at the gravity of it all. but there's always this tingly joy and hope that prods my heart and says God is real, and He loves me.

whoaa. what an outpouring! haha. be blessed my dears :)

Lord, take control :)

i know why these few mornings have been so amazingly awesome :)

cause it's just me, squished into a corner of the sofa, the window ajar and the morning breeze. with my Bible and unlimited propensity to just sit and think and let my thoughts drift out lazily :)

i really am not a night/evening person at all haha. all my thoughts are so disjointed!

my God is mighty to save :)

fruits of the Spirit, remember remember remember

to rank all the precious commodities in this world, i think time would be one of the most understated.

how many times have i rushed through my daily activities, rushed through meetings and outings and phonecalls and memories, just to get to the next meeting outing phonecall memory. how many times have i missed those dear to me telling me to slow down, to make some time for them? and when i do take the time out, how much of myself is really there? presence with only half your heart there doesn't amount to much does it?

the gravity of this only impressed itself upon me when i was doing QT this morning. that God always has time for us, when the world turns away and you're the only one in the darkness, eyes wide shut, He's always there. How much we treasure the time of those who hold dear, yet we forget that the One who never changes, who always has time for us, who is never too busy for us, is just there, right next to our hearts.

best friends aren't just those who can tell when you're happy when you dont say a thing, they're the ones, when you call them to wish them a safe trip, to pray for journey mercies, who look through your veil of words, who know enough to say "are you okay? you sound sad." take care markypoo (: miss you (:

and reading about shepherding and dumb sheeps and the stark parallels between God and me in them just made me tear. to know that when i fall, God catches me and He may break my heart but He never breaks me. <3

rational or emotional?

hahahaha shihee's super funny! "hi my name is study" GO(h) STUDY!! hahaha. okay cheap thrill. if your surname's goh, you've got a new name for yourself, voila!

you have no idea how sad you make me feel sometimes

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
as i hide behind a wall of smiley texts

J'ai voulu écrire un message énigmatique et le faire sneakily composer en français. Mais j'ai réalisé la prolifération des traducteurs en ligne. Queest-ce qu'au point, pourquoi est vous m'apporte lisant mon poteau sur le babelfish ? haha attrapé te!
-

don't wanna leave it all behind
but i get my hopes up
and i watch them fall everytime
another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away

sprinkly sparkles of silvery shiny stars

when i was young i wanted to be a princess with long flowing locks and yep, my own trail with sprinkly sparkles of silvery shiny stars TEEHEE :D

i wonder how walking on moonbeams must feel like

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRR CS1101C YOU ARE A BIG LUMP OF POOP!!

STUPID POINTERS ANYHOW ANYHOW POINT HERE POINT THERE FOR WHAT!!

point point point.

i need to go play squash! haha social squash as darren calls it since we prolly talk more than we run

POINT POINT POINT POINT!!!!!

bananafana fee fi fo fum
goobbledygook zonk zonk zonk
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you dont have words ONOMATOPOEIA FTW

TAN LEI LEI WHERE ARE YOU I CANT WAIT FOR THIS TO ALL BE OVER AND WE CAN ESCAPE BACK TO SOME SEMBLANCE OF PSEUDO RJ LIFE MISS HOW YOU ALWAYSALWAYS UNDERSTAND ME )):

IN OTHER NEWS, (insert name of undecided location) with poxy markypoo and (insert name/s of unfinalised escapees) in june! HAH!

lock lock lock lock throwwwwwwww!

i love love love love love this webpage so much!

http://homegrownhospitality.typepad.com/photos/rak_doodles/#tp

when i was feeling pretty angsty just now, reading those little snippets of wisdom and knowing that they're grounded in God's Word as well, really did lift my spirits. (: i wanted to ROARRRR but okay no roar, but to let God take control :)

whenever i listen to some of yiruma's piano pieces, somehow it transports me to a time when i'll be sitting in a window seat and the only things outside my cabin window are the fluffiest clouds imaginable and everythings' in smooth transit, in flight, in stationary motion

Just read today's Daily Bread and before reading it, God led my heart to a fresh new realisation. that i dont have to wait till i'm less busy, till i'm more mature, till circumstances around me are more 'perfect', till i've strong spiritual support to know Him better, to really purpose in my heart to walk in His ways and really know the God of this entire universe.

i think many times, it's just too easy for us to forget that our God is the Lord of ALL CREATION, of everything, yet He's still a personal God, He's our Father and loves us so much. i take that for granted alot ALOT. without actually realising the MAGNITUDE of the blessing and the COST Jesus paid for us to never be estranged from God.

change my heart O Lord
make it ever true
change my heart O Lord
may i be like You

whereever you are in your journey with God, remember that God doesn't play favourites, and He loves you THIS MUCH! (:

when was the last time you challenged yourself to move out of your comfort zone?

hmmm. trials produce perseverance, perseverance produces character and character brings about hope (:

are you all you want to be? are you all God wants you to be? (:

runny noseee itchy throattt hot eyess (i'm not implying that my eyes are well, hot, they just get hot when toopid fever comes haha) whineyyyy! i think the air in lt7a is BUGGED.

by Your stripes we are healed! goooo awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. tmr i must be able to say my flu flew away!

aye munna scheep

IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB!!!

actly to be quizzically more precise and annoyingly cryptic like how s and i were saying, it's more of IHHILB instead of just plain ol' IHB. but I DONT CARE for now IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB ARGH

dntwnbjddbtsmslkthrlssrrsntblvinlv

and that was actually a coherent thought. ARGH!

rawr. need time to recharge and be alone with God and just boing back to the me i'm familiar with. getting locked out of yr HOSTEL room is rawr. why do i have a penchant for getting locked in/locked out haha i think i should tie my transponder to my hair so i'll nv forget it

Can You take me by the hand
Can You use me as I am
Break me into who You want me to be

When the time is finally right
Will You open up my eyes
Show me everything You want me to see

:)

when the stress starts setting in, the pseudo-panicky mode threatens to set in and i look at the mounting work and think WHERE HAVE ALL THE WORK IVE DONE THIS SEM GONE TO??? You quieten my heart, You hold me, You whisper into my heart that i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and i know You'll always be in control

i stray, i fall, i break, but Lord, You never let me go. help me

:)