i can't posssibly remember the last time i have blogged, well judging by the level of 'liveliness' of this blog, one can presume that we are not very avid and keen people. but well, just had this urge to 'vent' out all these things stuck inside, i guess for those of us who have no where else in the 'real' world to reveal what we are feeling, this is the best alternative.
i can't be bothered if you actually know who i am, most probably no one will read this anyway. oh well, here goes. had been having options these past few weeks... feeling up and down like you know this yacht in the middle of the vast expanse of ocean, staring at a rather bleek horizon, and your feelings whelm up inside you, the only way they come out is if you *rather unsightly* puke out everything. is there a saying that words can make you and equally so can they break you? or maybe it was just a figment of my imagination. just suddenly dawned upon me (apologies for being so slow in realising such matters) that friends too can be described as such.
i think today is gg to be my last 3rd lang lesson, had a really fun time with these group of people whom were just strangers with me less than a year ago, but somehow i feel so much at ease with them, it is has if there is actualyl some breathing space for me when i'm with them. i'm not complaining about my school friends or anything, maybe the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder is quite true, or maybe i'm just crapping out some excuse to ignore the real truth inside, which i admittedly have no idea, or have no wish to find out why.
well i apologise for all this blabbering, personally i have no idea what is going through my mind now, i just feel that this is the best way to let this all out. anyway back to what i was driving at, on one hand, there is this rathe disjointed (from schools all over singapore) group of friends i have known for probably a year now, and on the other hand there are some people whom i have known for let's say a couple of years. perhaps i am just being to sensitive, or others would brush off as teenage angst which seems quite ulikely rite, i look like the smiley happy kind... but recently, i apologise AGAIN if this is too trivial a matter and i am just blowing matters out of proportions, but people or person in the 2nd group of friends suddenly feel so distant. have there been times when you looked back, and thought about how close you guys used to be, it seemed as if you knew and well clicked with the person well? and then the next time you see the person, you feel so cut off, you feel even to the extent of disgusted-ness (okay maybe this word is too strong, but i am just 'pouring' out this knot inside) towards that person?
the point is, i feel as if i shdn't be feeling this way, cos everyone sees the person as nice friendly approachable blah blah you know the typically good stuff, and true enough you always thought so. then sometimes it is just that word or two, or perhaps a seemingly insigificant brushing aside of you, or that comment which you felt just smacked at your face (while to others it was a friendly slap on the back), or that feeling the person gives you. i know i know.. girls are overly emotional beings who cannot help but be uptight over such 'lame' 'miniscule' matters, but i can't help it! that is precisely why i don't wish to blow up anything, cos i really dont' want to regret destroying anything in the friendship, well but i know for one thing, i feel differently to that person. and i'm learning to control my feelings, like don't be biased, don't think badly, how you ought to love everyone around you, and maybe i'm just being the one at fault. i dunno lar!
haiyoh, so well, after inviting whoever out there into this super long convoluted thought process of myself, i shall seal all this up once again, until i cannot bear the person or people. after all, people might just tell me after this post, to have friends making you, you should make yourself a friend first. pls tell me straight to the face if i'm not being a nice friend, i know the feeling of it. at most if i disagree with you, you can see more ramblings on this dying blog.
pris
