Face this fact: blogs are meant for people to reveal their deep mysterious, often exaggerated but undoubtedly holds a glimpse of truth of their sad side. or what many would call emo-ing stage. can we help it that this is the fate of blogs? No. So I apologise before hand if you think that I am once again misusing the internet as a source of venting out my pent-out frustration/exasperation/disappointment.
I suppose it is not a very timely time to post an entry, havent' just received my promos results. You know that you're in a dilemma when your results are neither way too good for you to be rejoicing over, or neither are they too lousy for you to be given the liberty to complain and look upset without others pointing out to you gently that there are people worse off. If you don't get the whole chunk of stuff that i've typed out, you're just joining the side of the red ink GP marker who has flooded my paper with lots of brilliant red slashes(for those who don't know what i'm talking about, it's alright. i'm just feeling sore over GP).
With the overcast skies flooded with grey clouds overwhelmed with heaven's tears, crying for you while you sit amidst the crowd trying your best to hide your bottled up tears. A melancholic tune lingers in the air, it seizes your breathe, you stay silent, and so do others, words don't seem to work when you need them best, no one offers it anyway. It's a gloomy day, everyone relishes it in their own way.
I suppose we can learn a lot from exams, not just the very knowledge that we are being examined, but also important yet fundamental principles in life - never take things for granted (being overly confident in a subject would get you no where but all the way down), never envy others (whoever said 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration; sometimes, it's unfair but it can be the opposite) and something else that struck rather indirectly. Actually, it was pointed out by one of my friends, i'm absolutely not making any personal attacks here, it's just something that only becomes apparent when we enter our own fair share of adversity.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. I like to add that friends are there when they need you. What does this mean? Who can we tell who are our true friends? If they are not even there for us to tell our problems, share our burdens, cry on their shoulder, do we still call them friend?In any relationship, friendship included, people argue that there shouldn't be any clearcut giving and taking, it's a matter of compromise, but how far am I suppose to give in, or rather give out myself, before I can find someone who will know that I need the person? or for that matter, maybe friends are like what I've said, only look for you and when you offer them what you have been seeking for, then the friendship is called as such. I used to think it was unreasonable to expect people to guess what I am thinking, what I might like. Until I found that it was all to hard.
I don't believe anyone can live the life of a saint, giving all the time, without wanting deep down to see it reciprocrated. It's not an expectation or obligation attached to being first a friend to someone, but simply, a normal human need. Maybe it had happened once in the past. The fact that your interest seemed to be slighted, you friend rambling on. It didn't quite matter. You didn't have any problems that were of top priority back then. Then again it happens. Well, friends what, don't be so petty. But then loneliness can be a really scary monster. It knocks you at your lowest point, when you are already on the cliff of sadness, hoping for someone to just open up the door in your heart, to just spend some time listening to you. i wonder how many people are going through this right now? How many are silently fiddling around on their keyboards, or piano keys, wishing wishing wishing for a shooting star to enter their life, and brighten up just a few moments, enough to show that a friend would indeed be there when in need?
Perhaps the most amazing thing about writing, is that you can pour our everything, and after a while, it doesn't feel that bad after all. You are merely making a mountain out of a molehill, being overly sensitive, indulging in your own fanciful self-pity. And thus the bitter feeling of being slighted/neglected saps away. We can have lots of friends, they can laugh a whole lot with you, have the craziest times, but the distinction between friend and good friend and best friend and boyfriend, is really how much the person understands you, without you having to say a single word. Girls la, so troublesome, make things difficult for their loved ones. Well, I can't help being a girl, can I?
But it doesn't matter, because just when you feel that everything seems so bleak, tell yourself. You only have 24 hours in a day, and one face. You can choose to wear a sad mask, or you can choose to hide behind a happy mask, but after hiding behind the happy one for a while, you'll let it become part of your face, and the sadness will naturally disappear. And if all other things fail you, know that God will always be there, and I suppose we must just hold on to the truth, his Word saying that in all things, He has great plans for us, and he's a friend to the lonely, a stronghold, a shelter in our time of need.
You don't just fail your own expectations during exams, you might also realise that friends do so too.
Priscilla
