someone told me this quite awhile back, but the truth of it didnt really weigh in as heavily until i was just randomly musing on things today.

Love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting him/her not to.
John Albert Halili

it's true isn't it? that's why above so many other things that we may prize, love's the one intangible that so many people, lyrics, books, movies... wax lyrical over, pine for, dream about, chase after, feel so much pain for. i guess that's why sometimes i'm so perplexed as to why it's treated so flippantly and oft bungled about.

there're always 2 flipsides to the same coin and i guess the same applies for this too. people talk about the many-splendored thing that love as a concept is yet i guess in the very same vein there's hesitation and more than a good bout of fear too. maybe fear's the wrong word, wariness and measured cautiousness would be more apt. sometimes i'ld look around me and wonder if i'm still a wee child, as yet untouched and unfounded to this weighty gift that seems to mature all who are bestowed with it.

maybe that's why brooke fraser's song, love is waiting resonates within me. when it's time to walk that way, we wanna walk it well. and well in God's line of plan as well, walking with Him holding both our hands and leading us in His ways.

1 Corinthians 13:13 sings the same tune as well, And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love cause God first showed the true, ultimate epitome of love by sending our Redemption, to give us all a Hope, a Purpose and eternal fellowship with a God that so loves us (:

haha i'm maturing am i not? :P

aiyah whatevs. WHATEVS WHATEVS WHATEVS. like siti would say, i blame it on my big t! stupid oscillations.

oh whisk me away
to lands far and beyond
when i perch on treetops, privy to the wind's whisperings
where i lie on pastures and count clouds dotting the horizon

sometimes it's funny how my future post-uni seems to have already been carved out yet my uni life is ever so fluid, malleable and formless for me and God to shape as He pleases. it's such a thrill sometimes that i scarcely can fathom the fields of opportunities that i want to take hold of. i want to explore new cities, encounter new cultures, be constantly challenged and inspired by the worlds of knowledge all around me, i want to hold on to dears who have walked me through life, i want to soar, beyond what my tiny consciousness can comprehend.

life is delicious and i thank God for His daily mercies (:

i wonder if it's possible for a major integral mindset that has accompanied me for the past 19 years of my life to be an absolute farce, an absolute lie afterall. havent realised till it hit me today as i was randomly musing on things, that i take for granted that just as long i put in the effort, success or its equivalent will be bound to follow.

when you've been told repeatedly since young that you can achieve anything and everyth you put yr mind to, and when it has always seemed to be the case, i guess it gets bewildering when hey! you suddenly realise that maybe effort's not a direct 1 on 1 function mapping straight to perfection.

ahhh maybe all along since pri sch sec sch jc, i've been too used to idk doing well enough that the realisation that sometimes, maybe, no matter how hard i may try or think i've done my best, there's an ultimate asymptote that i cant ever cross. was just talking to m the other day that maybe the whole shizz on ra-ra and hwachie is that they school into us the mindset that we can do ANYTH and EVERYTH and the world's ours for the taking and we believe and MAYBE that's not really the case?

oh i do wish i was smarter sometimes! *echoes jukie* haha

ROARRRRRRRRRR. OH TRUFFLES AND PIFFLES AND GOOBLEGDYGOOK AND PAUSE PLAY REWIND RESTART THROW ALL MANNER OF EMOTION AWAY SHIFT PERIOD SEMICOLON NAIGHN!!!

sometimes i wonder if i live vicariously through stalking my friends HAHA. looking at all their amazing experiences and adventures trundling through uni life in their assorted campuses overseas really makes me yearn for the same set of experience. the thrill of an entirely new culture, facing each day with wondrous rapture as to what new discoveries you can make, it's like pseudo-perma-holiday!

life's pretty much like those stories where you can choose your ending by switching to different story plots at the end of every chapter. but unlike those times, we cant rewind and choose another plot just to "see how things turn out". there's a reason why im in singapore, in nus and in engin and biz. and it's going to be a blast of a ride AND IM GOING TO MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT :)

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands." (Deuteronomy 7:9)

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," - 1 Peter 3:15

i want to love You higher than any other being, above any other thing in my life. And times i falter, i stumble, i lose my sense of direction, but You never let me go. It's amazing how i blunder along sometimes, but i am still your sheep and You are my Good Shepherd and i'm thankful for that (:

You gave Your life in Your endless love
You set me free and show the way
Now I am found

So close I believe You're holding me now in your hands I belong,
You'll never let me go

All along, You were beside me, even when I couldn't tell,
Through the years, You've shown me more of You

red sky in the evening
rolls of thunder gently rumbling across the expanse
a soulful sense of silent solitude permeates the air
as i sit and watch nature's concerto begin

the Conductor waves the baton and off the symphony starts!
a tentative prelude with rumbles of gumbles
outflashing of lights as the magic streaks across the velveteen sky
crescendo! and the pace picks up
forte! and the sounds reveberate all around
light pattering gives way to a magnificent climax

clashing, swirling, flashing, rumbling!

thunderous applause ensues from an unseen audience
flashbulbs pop where no cameras are

Thank God for His surprises
even for a rapt audience of one

(:
-

ohmy that felt so therepeutic! haha i knew i had words trying to burst out of me but were kept repressed cause of the NUMBERS and EQUATIONS that i'm currently surrounded with haha. but i'm glad i'm where i am, for everything, and that God has His plans and i'm always always always held firmly in His hands (:

praise the God of earth and sky,
how beautiful is Your unfailing Love,
unfailing Love (:

everything, You hold in Your hands (:

i love mornings, love the quietness and stillness. the solitude that one can spend, cocooned in my own thoughts, gently enveloped by the love of God. (:

i realise, when i try to run my own life, try to make things work through my own strength, i inevitably make things messier. But when it's really submitted into God's sovereign hands, He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (:

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." - 1 John 4:18

how true. (:

teetering on the brink of the unknown
visions dance before my eyes

cascades of water rushing below my feet;
a sheer drop all the way to nothingness
scattered rocks and outcroppings to impale on;
a vortex of quicksand whirling;

when's the time to take that leap of faith?

why is everyone else so sure of what to do? how do they know how to follow their hearts?

WHAT CANT I JUST LET GO FOR ONCE AND THROW ALL CAUTION TO THE WIND

it's the heart tht's afraid of falling that never learns to fly. i dont want i dont want i dont want my fear my indecisiveness my preoccupation with wanting to know everything that lies ahead my cautiousness to rob me of happiness.

BUT HOW WILL I EVER KNOW WHEN ITS RIGHT

on the tune of avril;
why do i have to go and make things so complicated

i really really really really dont wanna grow up. the intensity of everything scares me. the resoluteness of decisions, the concretisation of events.. and i rarely use ellipses so when i do....

i'm afraid of losing myself, afraid that the core of whoever i am/was/think i am, was merely a mirage. a figment of my idealised imagination. that all that's before me is as red miasma.

what scares me the most in the world right now? making decisions.

confusing confused confuzzled

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

oh to be a truly fruit-bearing tree!

sometimes i wish i could keep my heart under lock and key and throw the key away

fling it into the deepest ravines
bury it into the depths of the ocean bed
whirled around in the mightiest of sandstorms

so i can be sure that when the key fits like a glove to the innermost compartments of my heart, it's the right key, for the right time, wielded by the right person.

i miss writing poems,
reams and reams of words conjoined in their infancy to pose as a smokescreen to my thoughts.

life's so much more complex and the world so much bigger than i ever thought it was. and i'm just beginning to realise how sheltered and blessed a life i've been living. ensconsed in my own happy bubble, viewing the world through eternally rose-tinted shades. i really thank God for how He's always held me in His hands, guided by His perfect plans.

uni's been a major growing experience. and like b said, there'll definitely be growing pains. but whatever i've been through, when i look back on them now with eyes renewed and heart strengthed, they don't seem as earthshakingly disastrous as when i was caught in the moment. funny how retrospection puts everything in a new spin and your past, present and future gallivant off into the sunset, striding along to pompous fanfare.

i think i still live in my own world where i'm the only one privy to the sights, sounds, feelings and thoughts of my own heartbeat. where sunshine seems to grace every single moment of my life (: and i really truly thank God for that (:

says:
oh did you know
says:
there was this china dude
says:
who went to a cosplay anime fair at suntec as yoggibear
says:
yogi bear
says:
and got kicked out






says:
cause yogi bear isn't an anime

HAHAHAHAHAH LAUGH YR HEARTS OUT

whoa so much has been going on that i don't think it's possible to update it here anymore. there's so much information on the surface, trivial bits of fluff that people sift through and base judgements on, to hypothesize about what's going on in your life. but i'm happy, i'm learning, i'm growing, i'm falling, i'm slipping, i'm getting up, i'm me

i thank God for His daily mercies and provisions and for all the favour showered (:

cheers to a whole new chapter (: let your head determine your place amongst the stars, but let your heart guide you there <3

treading softly through the wild tangles strewn at your feet,
you sidestep gingerly,
avoiding the prominent pitfalls that threaten to snag your every step
coming to a clearing,
the path ahead look innocuous enough

cautiously, you take a step
then another
before long, a chorus of footsteps blithely rings out

you careen down the fairway
anticipating the takeoff,
transiting from motion to flight

elevation affords you a new vantage point
and your eyes scour the path you've just streaked through

nettles and thorns
brambles and bushes
dot the seemingly clear ground
your limbs are scratched,
thorns embedded within your skin
and your heart leaks out through your gaping openness

plummeting
freefalling
innocence lost in a fleeting instance

faith camp

faith camp was a really inspirational, refreshing time and it felt like I have been far away from God. There's this pledge that I found in one of the workshop notes which was really beautiful. yes beautiful is the only word i can use to describe it, it's well beautiful.

"I will be with you, no matter what happens to us and between us. If you should become blind tomorrow, I will be there. If you achieve no success and attain no status in our society, I will be there. When we argue and are angry, as we inevitably will, I will work to bring us together. When we seem totally at angry, as we inevitably will, I will work to bring us together. When we seem totally at odds and neither of us is having needs fulfilled, I will persist in trying to understand and in trying to restore our relationship. When our marriage seems utterly sterile and going nowhere at all, I will believe that it can work and I will do my part to make it work. And when all is wonderful and we are happy, I will rejoice over our life together, and continue to strive to keep our relationship growing and strong."

I hope I can live up to such a commitment :)


Pris

i've really got to thank God for Faith camp. for all the immense amounts of insights and revelations, for just reaching deep inside of me and knowing all my thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, hurts and joys even before i even knew them. and for just answering me in ways that i've never thought about, given me an assurance and confirmation of my place in His kingdom.

to be thought higher by the Most High King than what you yourself have ever felt, is just whoaa to the max.

and really thank God for all the wonderful friendships strengthened, especially on the last night. where the total lack of sleep except 1 hour was totally, totally worth it. talking to so many more mature individuals at various stages of their lifes, being in the same boat as me or already had the experience to advice me, was really very enriching. jamming away with weixiong and later david. singing all our sparklight songs with actions, sharing with cell, talking nonsense with tiffy, taking our 5am too outta yr brain photos, alvin the antm photographer, just talking and sharing with joanna weixiong rachel lionel and sososo much more.

God is an awesome awesome God; truly the only One deserving of all praise. even in moments when i've felt so insignificant and inadequate, He truly is the author and perfecter of our faith. :)

I CAN PLAY SAY IT AGAIN BY MARIE DIGBY ON THE GUITARRRRRR!!!!111ONEONE
and love story too if you'll ignore the one missing chord HAHAHA

fb quizzes ARE THE ANNOYINGEST THINGS ONLINE >: (

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT KNOW

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUBLISH EVERY SINGLE INANE QUIZ RESULT

if i were totally callous i would so change my status to

JOANNE CHAN BLOCKS PEOPLE WHO DO MORE THAN 4 QUIZZES AND PUBLISH THE STUPID RESULTS THAT SPAM THE DUMB HOME PAGE ROAR!

high five changz, this has to be the most annoying fb trend EVER

ROAR.
-

ANYW! friends! kiv the following places yoz for outingzxzxz yays (((:

HENDERSON WAVES/MOUNT FABER
SOME APPARENTLY SUPER HUGE FUN DAZZLE LIKE THIGNY AT JURONG
(check this out!! Kidz Amaze, a three-storey high playground designed like a vertical maze, boasts an interactive play system suitable for adults and children above three.

It is also reputed to have the tallest foamball arena in Asia and one of the tallest indoor slides in the continent.) DOESNT THAT TOTALLY MAKE YOU WANT TO GO NAO?? :D

WILDWILDWETTTTT
UBIN CYCLING
TENNISSS courts
CHANGI BOARDWALKKKK
thisistotallynotinsaneokayzacefronlandthisisnotinsaneokaystoplaughing