our squashies fareewell! i just realised i've TONS of photos that i've yet to post like A GAZZILION. :D i feel like such a camwhore haha but i love taking photos, especially when everyone is high and happy and you can just reminisce abt the good ol' days :D

LOVES AND HUGGS TO POXY, BELLE, YUJIA for all the wacko moments during squash, the wheezing and complaining and starvation during pts and court sessions! and when you tried to imagine zainal's or some poor person's face on the wall, so we'll supposedly hit harder :D :D :D

oh mannn i miss squash! i miss hitting with the sweet spot and getting that OH-SO-WONDERFUL twanggggggggg and when the ball just zips past into the back court. BRILLIANT. :D

HAHAHAHAHA when i saw this pic i was like :D :D :D :D sam and lenard's gayness were so totally random and side-splittingly funny we all would just totally crack up :D haha [insert lenard's ROMANS 1 ARH! ] i miss malacca camp sososososo much! it totally brought sam, van, lenard, dino and me so much closer together and it made us realise how much could be done to make cell so much warmer and closer <3>

and this just brings back memories on how we ALMOST VERY NEARLY got mugged/hunted down/killed when we very sneakily snuck out past midnight to go to macs for food and talk. WAH SEHH. and how the guys were so sweet and protective when they walked us really quickly back to the hotel :D haha they all formed this circle of protection around me and van and escorted us all the way back even though all of us were scared out of our wits. <3

oh boy. see that's why i love photos, they just bring back so many fun brillaint awesome gorgeous memories :D

and today we had our first frisbee non-official training! and i prolly fell down.

SPLAT.

so now my knees and elbow and palm are all scratched up ><>

-anne

but if your heart's not in it for realplease don't try to fake what you don't feelif love's already goneit's not fair to lead me oncause i would give the whole world for youanything you ask of me i'd dobut i won't ask you to stayi'd rather walk awayif your heart's not in it

i haven't uploaded my photos from immerse-emerge camp! oh myy i miss IE camp! and i lubbs every single one of the leaders! all the late nights, SNAKE ALERTS :D, crappy nametags :D
haha and this is one crappy photo :D ALL BECAUSE OF YANE LEE. we didn't know what pose to take so he smartly yelled :"everyone point at joanne!" so smartxx. so i'm the designated clown. BRILLIANT, i say :D

and you're only almost here


SCHOOL'S OUT! but somehow i don't feel as happy as i normally did in pri school. haha but thinking back, i always felt saddened about leaving p6gep, 1-2-3-411 and now dearly beloved 6Q! i reallyreallyreallyreally love 6Q. with all of my heart. even though there're days when it gets crummy, there're more CRUMBLY days when we collapse in fits of laughter. haha okay analogy void. :D but i just woke up today and was like "HOLIDAYS!" then "no more 6Q from mon-fri! *gasps*" and then the most startling realisation of all "1/4 OF RJ LIFE IS OVERRRRRR."


GASPS


i can't believe how time flies when you're really having fun [or how time's fun when you're having flies -kermit the frog] but i'm really in 6Q-withdrawal now.


HEARTS AND LOVE TO 6Q-ians! <333


crap pongss! my hols are just fizzling away i MUST mug! and have brilliant awesome relaxing outings tooooooooooo! with 6Q [DUH] :D [someone organise!], 411! [pongs i'm organising! :D], p6gep!, REDBLOODCELL! [ps concert!!], random frisbee training :D, and SHOPPING OUTINGS! yooohooooos. :)


God's been awesome, and He cares sosososo much for me, and i just know that all His plans for me are good and true and that He just loves me dearly. He's just been blessing me with so much love and optimism and just laughter :D and i want to want to share more about Him to the world! :D


i'm so in love with life

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it


How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love


Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love


So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love


Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love


These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
ever alone, no, no


Come on, Come
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love


Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love


no i'm not in a crush-schmush mood :D haha okay larh I CRUSH JESUS! YAYNESS. and life's just bee-you-tee-full!


-anne

yesterday was brilliant! i love church and everyone from redbloodcell, even though yesterday ALL THE GIRLS pangseh-ed me and i was the only girl at cell and they BULLY me! say i'm half-guy now HAHA. I'M SURE. :D then testerday's quiet time was THE BEST in ages, i just spent time i prayer, just praying for those i love, for them to grow closer to God, to get to know God on a more intimate level. and i just felt so at peace with the whole world, and felt so secure, like God was just holding me in the palm of His hands. :)

mm i went to school today with the lightest feeling ever. even though it got clouded over A LITTLE by coughcough a mission i had to do COUGHCOUGH. haha grace and lei! :D

mm then it got REALLY CRUMMY just cause of something. :( and it just shattered my composure for the better part of the day. i don't know why it just seared my heart when i heard those words. and now i know how to refute samphua's claim that i can be half-guy now cause my psyche and a guy's psyche are totallyTOTALLY different. this post could turn out to be really emo and angsty. and i knew i was scribbling away random poems and line after line of hurt, bellying the flood of tears i knew would just spill over if i didn't scribble fast enough.

maybe you think you've got me all figured out, that who i am and what i stand for is just all out there. plain and explicit for you to dissect. and you think you know my intentions behind what i do. and it hurts because i don't think you do. and when i realised the sarcasm embedded in your comment, it was just numbness numbness numbness before the hurt came flooding back.

OKAY i shall stop all the angsting. NOW. even though i want/need an avenue for all these. but i shan't continue. :'( and i really thank God for the people in my life whom i love sososo much, especially pox, lei, grace, tim for today. <3

i realise i need love too

and since i told lei i'd quote her, haha here it is! of the "tall, dark, and not so handsome"

-anne

and i'll just close my eyes, wish you away, and send those words spinning spinning spinning away into nothingness

BRILLIANT DANCE NIGHT PHOTOS! with pretty lei and cheryl! :D

i want to say more but i shall just ABCDEFG [...] I WONT BE!

bleah.

but i love grace bigbig, she saved me so manymany times. and i love changs too, she knows what it's like :) i love siti cause she's my newly wed wife. and i love jooks because she tells me lame jokes so it cools the atmosphere after ive heated it up :))))))) haha oh and i love the spider who tried to make a web in zhuang's hair :D

-anne

cousinnnnnnsss!

BRILLIANT CELL!

this is reallyreallyreally bad. my state of blogging has deteoriated into picture-posint. this is SO narcissistic! haha and poxy's and my shared blog is seriously becoming a veritable wasteland, cause of how all the posts are either cryptic or just plain depthless. :( joanne is saddened. but public domain gets tricky and photos just about scrape the surface of satisfying viewership and maintaining a semblance of privacy. haha so yep for now, PHOTOSPREEEE!! :D

-anne

CAMWHORE PRACTICE IN SECRET TOILET :D

BEAUTIFUL BESTEST BUDDIES - POXY AND ANNE! <3

And when you held my hand and ran down the aisle with me
I couldn’t help but feel that a glimpse of heaven just flashed by
The strength of your hand clasping mine
Sending shivers of warmth tingling all the way to my frozen heart
Unwrapping it from the clingwrap that the years had piled on
Gently easing the tightness away
Until both our hearts flew on wings of song

my dearest church girls!

OH MY GOODNESS! i can actually post my pictures nowwww. YOOOHOOOS. say HELLO to a whole new world of blogging! :DD

my beloved 6q!! <3

HAHA I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING

oh my goodness i've not blogged for ages! haha it's weird to start blogging again about life without the use of random poems :D yay i lubbs my poems haha say you lubbs them too! i know you do, it's okay dont feel shy :D

anyway, so many things have happened it's entirely impossible for me to blog about them properly. and seeing how my brain's like full of holes, a ton of them probably fell out on the way home everyday! haha but I LOVE 6Q and to quote a certain person, 6Q girls>6Q guys! HAHA okay larh 6Q girls >/= 6Q guys! haha OKAY FINE i shall be fair 6Q girls=6Q guys WAIT CANNOT that's like wrong okay 6Q > ANYONE ELSE haha YAY!

oh my i sound so incoherent. but it's okay, it provides mental gym for whoever's reading. :D oh yes the recent-est thing to blog about YIX'S HOUSEEEEEE! his house is gorgeous! totally, and it has so many facilities and all, i'm not surprised if it has a mini foodcourt hidden somewhere in the recesses of the rooms. :D and we had so much fun!

haha okok rewiiiind to beginning. oh yes i had CHURCH in the morning! yay cause it was Good Friday and WOW the service was superb, the songs were brilliant, but nothing can beat the true meaning of Good Friday :) of how Jesus died on the cross for all our sins. it's really too wonderful to comprehend really when you get down to the basics of it all. and i rememeber tim saying how God had told him that if he was the only person, Jesus would have just as willingly died for him too. <3 wow, the power of God's love. and when i saw the clip during offertory where He was pierced for our transgressions and whipped for our iniquities, i couldn't help crying. crying for all that i;ve done and all that i've failed to do and how much Jesus still loves me through it all. <333333333333333333333

yepps then went for lunch with my parents and called JOOKS! and she poor girl was the only one at yix's house! oh no how could the rest pangseh herrrrr! :( but it's okay cause lei, siti and i went to her rescue! TRALALA! *cues powerpuff girls song* haha yay so we all nicely got there and hmm oh yes they were having lunch! and i met yix's FRATERNAL TWIN BROTHER *ahem* we'll be glad to furnish you with more melodramatic details if you so wish :D *please come prepared with a dose of gullibility* HAHA :D yes then we uh we uh i cant rmb the orderrr!! oh pongs.

okay nvm i shall fast forward to when lei reached! yay lei the rich girl cabbed alllll the way to yix's house. pro or pro i ask you! then we had nicenicenice girl talk with lovely lei, jolly jooks and superb siti in the kitchen. girl talks unearth the most astounding information sometimes :D

thennnnnn i think we played taitee! the *badword*taitee yes. haha so funny we kept reversing our order like reallyreally in order! and siti became abit drunk on the bobohitam i think cause she let loose her singing prowess many times and she and nigel both couldn't reach the cards to shuffle them -.- --> NIGEL face! HOHOHO yay and i eventually became king from TOILET PAPER okay!

then we played tabletennis! and then being the noobs we all are, the balls naturally had an adverse reaction to the table, and they went EVERYWHERE BUT the table *ahem* HAHA and juks really nicely became our picker-of-balls and lei was right in telling her "i think you stay under the table more efficient" HAHA i think so too. actually we should just play under the table :D

THEN THE BESTEST PART OF ALL! yix actually has a ktv room! LIKE WOW! it's meant to be i tell you, seeing how all the girls loved to sing! and okay fastforward through all our high fangirly moments and past all the times where the GUYS didn't want to sing AHEM coughcoughcoughcoughcoughcough :D haha then there was our favourite song okay fine, my presently favourite song! NO MORE MILK TODAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yix sang it really well, i almost peed in my pants from laughing so hard! :D haha then there was westlife! and we fangirled of course! and in the course of that XUEWEI OUR DEAR YAM MOCHI magically appeared from mochi kingdom :D and then we sang even more haha

then we had a democratic vote! on whether to watch 300 ><, step up :DDDD or borat >< >< >< haha guess which one i voted for :D then we watched step up for abit where the ppl looked bloodshed to quote yix's twin. haha then they watcehd borat! :'( :'( :'( haha okay i'm a wuss, i dont like movies like borat, dont like the content, dont like the language dont like the morals portrayed la. hahha personal opinion la, but i'm one of those ppl who watches only romantic comedies so uh haha you get the idea! :D mm so i went out halfway la, was gg to get my handphone outside but decided to stay out anyway.

then i stoned around abit outside and messed around with my phone haha OH NO i sound so loserpok! BUT NVM it's okay :D then yix's weewee came out too then we decided to play table tennis! yay and we rocked k, i felt accomplished! i think the ball liked the table then haha. then i went with siti on our female conquest then when i went back up weewee was beign emo poster boy haha should have gotten yix to come out and comfort him :D

then we had dinner! and then yix's parents so sweetly fetched my to mrt and i went to my granddad's house! and had more girltalk with my DARLINGEST cousins! MUACKS

hahah WOW that must have been my longest post since forever! GRACE you better be honoured okay! i started blogging cause of youuuu! :D hahah are you touched? :DDDDDD
kk byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

-anne

oh how many times have i broken Your heart
still You forgive if only i ask

when you locked eyes with me across the room,
all i could see were you and me in that brief instance
and it's been forever since i've felt the same rush of emotions
forever since i wanted to look so deeply into someone's eyes
and how i wished, i longed, just to hold that gaze forever
but it's as fragile as my heart you see
and i couldn't, just couldn't hold it longer

you've been tugging at my heartstrings ever since then

pheeesicks

i thought you were my fairytale, a dream when i'm not sleeping, a wish upon a star that's coming true

oosh. i haven't blogged for like ages and now's not exactly the best mood for me to be blogging in. >< but nevermind, i shall save the ranting for later. ANYHOWS, 6Q ROCCKKKSS! the girls are alllll super crazy and high on drugs everytime and we laugh at all the randomest things. i have a sneaky feeling that the guys all secretly think we belong to IMH and have duely informed them to prepare wards for us. =D HAH we're just too cool for school! *beams*

i think RJ was quite okay for me to fit in and all cause of like RG and the whole knowing everybody thing. but having a supreme class like 6Q just made the transition so much more a joy! reallyreally thank God for blessing me with such great people, people that would totally make the next 2 years a blessing. <333!

but i still love REDBLOODCELL over every other group of people. as in not like the rest aren't good enough, but more of how i feel so safe and loved and secure and supported by cell. and how I know that God is working so mightily in cell, cause it is cell after all. =D i love the way i can talk to the guys and feel so at ease, and how we can all go crazy together. what with sam and lenard's crazy gayness [ROMANS 1!], ribbing tim about his resolution *ahem* =DD, lenard the COOL CAPS PEEP and spongebobfan! and the darlingest girls who are all beeyouteefull princesses of God! van and her madcap antics and how she LOVESSSS sam *GRINNNN*, cheryl the cherlyfries, my dearest poxy, britt the funnygirl and ama of gazillion of years knowing her! can always talk to them about all kinds of crazy things and have wonderful girl talks. and the leaders have been my pillars of support, whenever i felt like crying or really did cry over horrible, terrible, irritating issues that get me all riled up, they've been sources of comfort that God has totally blessedblessedblessed me with. <333

and i thank God so much for poxy. she knows the many times i've just broken down and cried, got my <3 dashed [HEE] and wanted to rip someone else's <3 to SHREDS, all my high moments and down in the dump days. bestest friend forever! thanks for alwaysalwaysalways being there, i promise i will always harass you and continually get embarrassed when your mom knows it's me even before i say anythign beyond hello. =D aii lURbBs EuU bEeG BeEg WoRhXx! *eeeeewww how lianzz* <333

and for dearie vivi too! how she knew the right words to say when i just felt so lost and angry and bewildered. my dear sister in Christ, through whom i can and i believe i will, continue to see God's love. <33

and i thank God for Him, for how He's been blessing me so much even though sometimes i feel like i'm just walkign through the darkest valleys, and how i dont want to do the right things anymore. i've been straying from Him at times, and it only made me realise all the more explicitly that i cannot survive on my own strength, that i'm just too weak and insignificant compared to His infinite wisdom and love. i love You, Jesus <33333333333333

i still feel like ranting haha but it's public domain so it gets a tad tricky. hmmm. i shall now unleash my torrent of linguistic and poetic abilities! HAHAHA! *im sure they're existent*

patriotism.
you look up at that cloth fluttering infront of you and you know you're supposed to feel this rush of emotion.
oh why, yes of course i feel MUCH more than just a rush
it engulfs me, makes me choke and sputter and whoaa even turns the waterworks on
amazing how the red i'm seeing and my whitened face makes the perfect flag
it doesn't stand out from the vast array of flags other than the fact that i've tried to be more cordial to it
i could have been much more warm and acknowledging
but hey it's hard, feeling the restrain that i'm supposed to be bonded to this
ooh but apparently the ties have been severed
snipped off by the cutting remarks that i've been hurling, or so the cloth insists
and by my indifference to the country, or so says the cloth

the waterworks dont seem to show any signs of stopping
maybe shredded pieces of the flag are needed to stem the flow
but of course since it has no regard for me, [being inanimate after all]
the verdict pronounced stands.

and so i'm just a face with a ruined name with apparent ties to the flag.

:'(

thank God it's sunday tomorrow and i have redbloodcell to tell me what to do

-anne

Friends forever!

ahh i know that title sounds really girlish or like young and childish, but i just want to declare that even though we are now teleported into an entirely different environment for the next 2 years and beyond, the waves of change would never be able to shake the firm foundation of a friendship built on lots of laughter, sharing, secrets, gossip (girls' natural flair), RS-ing, squashing, stoning, harrassing over the phone, and of course lots of ....... (drum rolls.......) FOOD!!! (cough cough). so yar this is just a random thought that popped into my mind. well, at least the blog is still alive! one more day to O level results!

frivolous chatter bounce off the walls around you
your heart sinks as you face the abject-looking buildings
green and white
a place where every action of yours might turn the other person green with envy
or where only relationships bearing a facade, white and superficial might manifest
torn apart by the should dos and want to dos
new beginnings new surroundings
as you struggle to find your bearing in the sea of people
butterflies fleet past, leaving behind a long trail
should you join them,
should you condemn them?
what if the very act that turned you off
turns you around, you are now cut in that same act
Perhaps the world is destined to be the eternal stage
where raw emotions seldom see the light
because everyone is eager for the limelight
You are the scripwriter of this 2 year play
And like all successful ones
Everything is but just another act.

guys like you are a dime a dozen

you look out onto a field full of flowers
each with its own unique colour and scent
some sway, some bend, some shy away from the sun
others jostle their way to the front and stick their petals in your face
you're bunched up with some of them daisies, poppies and whatnots
your eyes glaze over and the first day passes in a blur
you're strangely captivated by a spunky tulip
its vibrancy and hyperness seems to offer something
you reach out for the touch of its soft petals
WOOSH
the wind blows a bunch of garishly coloured tiger lillies over
WHOOOAAAA
by petal or by stalk they steal the show
and the tulip slinks away into the background

funny how the wildflowers take over the main show
and the tulips are now part of the wallpaper

guys like you are less than a dime a dozen

yooohooos! it's nearly the end of the first day of 07 and my mom and i still keep getting mixed up with this year and last year and the next year. haha actually it's just silly ol' me i think! =D just think of a stilted conversation like the following
me: i loved this year!
mom: but you've not gone through it!
me: nonono not next year! this year!
mom: LAST year!
me: no not sec 3! sec 4! THIS year!
mom: LAST year!
me: THIS year! no wait last year!
...
AHEM. my inner calendar's still in 2006. :D i lovedlovedlovedloved 06 like nuts! the bestest times, the bestest friends and the bestest moments! haha i've a feeling i'll be saying this at the end of practically every year, but! =D

so here's LOADS of love, hugs and kisses possible to the following people who've made my year!

God!
my family!
311/411!
redbloodcell!
speedlight!
ushering!
p6GEP!

if i could give a really personal shoutout to each and everyone of you, itll be fantastic but haha knowing me, it'll be a time far in the future when i actually finish this entry! :D so please pardon your dearest friend here and just know that ALL OF YOU have a huge place in her heart.

i love all of you. LOVELOVE! <3

-anne

I LOVE LEAD CAMP! :DDDD

oh my, it's terrible, my HEART is breaking infront of me! :'( i miss my DINGDONGS like well the way i miss them! even though it took awhile for them to warm up and all, being sports and performing arts and having yuhyiing and i as their coughextremelynicecough camp group facilitators. haha and they're such dears! and plus they say the cutest things on earth

horrrright. first day we uh [WHAT DID WE DO?] uh oh yes station games! the MOE ppl think we're all dodos or something, haha most of the station games were kinda easy. but still dingdongggggggg was nicely enthu! oh right for the lost, the dingdong name came from the really fun dingdong game haha. my thoughts are jumping all over the place but yessh anyway there was the nitro crossing game! where fadz lost her butt and chao ying lost her arm. haha so cute :D

and the zigzag crossing! where dear dingdong friends were so pro and completed it so quickly, so they had to sing a random song and do random actions. :D
okay station games were abit below standards pelipeli admits now but dear friends, we HAD to be hyped up because if dear dingdongs were to be 100% enthooood, poor yuhyiing and i had to be 300% so you could guess the amount of sugar we had to ingest. :D but our group was so nice, that yuhyiing and i had such a blast with them. :D *cue blatant show of love for dingdong*

and all of them did the high wire crossings BRILLIANTLY, haha even though they came back down exclaiming how they were unable to stop quivering like jelly on the line. but they looked totally pro up there, so BRAVO! :D

and 2nd day, KAYAKING and RAFTING! haha teoteo 's favourite part i'll bet. :D the raft was super hard to make, what with the impossibly hard to tie barrels and useless rubber floats haha. but dingdong did ittt! haha so when the raft was brought out to sea, all of them were clambouring on. haha poor michelle and yanru were trying to sit on the useless rubber tyres and kept falling over. haha bearbear and i couldn't help laughing. :D and all of you went off! to the sea and beyond [ of about 3 metres but whatever :D]! haha then the dumbdumb barrel had to come loose and ahem it disintegrated abit, but who cares it floated!

then lunch! where our group was so thoughful and unique that we volunteered to sit outside the canteen and fry in the sun so that sand won't be tracked into the canteen. AWWW. :D

kayaking! joonjoon dear was supposed to kayak with me but i ahemamnotaverygoodkayakerahem so darling teoteo who seems to be so pro at every thing possible was to kayak with joon. and yingqi and i were kayak buddies! haha by this stroke of good/bad luck haha joonjoon teoteo pelipeli and yingqi all ended up in the same group. YAYNESS. :D AND i didn't scream AT ALL when we had to stop go ask yingqi, you teoteo! haha teoteo: "i'll bet you take history, you look like you take history" then after a while " i'll bet you'll scream [inserts her own version of a scream] when you have to stop, you look like the type!" dear friend, yingqi and i kept hearing , guess who, YOU! haha ahemahem, so who looks like the screamer now? :D

haha rightt. so then we had debriefs and stuff. and then it was DINNER! and cause allll the facils were stinky/wet/sandy/smelly we had to eat outside and i prolly spilled half of my dinner. haha then yy, shushu and weiming all went abit high in watching the psuedo-sunset and starting singing our all time favourite pervy song! dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai ladidididum. haha elmo face and i nicely ignore them. haha then we went over and joined them and gayed around singing random songs. THEN all the facils REALLY went off tangent like seriously. we started doing chihuahua. HMMMM how MATURE haha :D

[insert a really long time of 2 weeks]

right. my memory is gettign fuzzy! i must remember what happened! oh right, last day of lead camp! :( we had the sec 1s over for DINGDONG to facilitate and they did it BRILLIANTLY! :) yay, i totally love them to bits. then we did high ropes activity and for some reason, we were all hanging outside the area and talking crap. hahaha, must be the SUPERB influence of yuhyiing and me! :D then we got to talking about people looking like animals. and TADAH. guess what, REALSIATION OF THE CENTURY, no MILLENIUM. yuhyiing apparently looks like a bear and i am the spitting image of a ..

PELICAN.

i am honoured. no really i am. :DD haha then we did the high ropes! both me and yuhyiing! yay! it was reallyreally brilliant! the adrenaline rush and the sense of accomplishment are really sources of ADDICTION. :D haha then we had to go pack up and stuff. :( haha the facils were all trying to finish up our notes and forms and clear up HAHA the facils' dorm would be the messiest I THINK. but why of course, we're such wonderful role models. :D or maybe it was just my area. HMM.

then we had farewell! and DINGDONG did a really cute poem haha.

then.

WE HAD TO ALL GO HOME :((((((((((

i love DINGONG! bearbear.michelle.zeslene.joonjoon.teoteo.fadz.chaoying.yingqi.sherry.yanru.shuyu.lisa. all of you have my love. :D

- joanne the pelipeli! <33333333333333.14

i think i've been living in my own little happy bubble for too long. it's as though the more i try to shut out the ugliness of the world, the pain and unhappiness of the countless souls passing through this life, the more i become oblivious to the needs outside my bubble.

like seriously, when's the last time you, or i for that matter, have done something, just for the sake of someone else, even though it SCARED YOU TO THE VERY DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL to just be bold and do it. i've always been telling myself to pray for others, but when the exams loom, i feel so insignificant offering to pray for them. such cowardice that its almost repulsive.

and you know the busker in the udnerground link? how many times have i just walked past him and KNEW that if only i would just stop to say a little word or two, it'll brighten up my day a million times more than it would make his. how many times have i thought that, but FAILED time and time again to ever venture close?

sometimes the amount of careless words that we may speak is astoundingly frightening. and the friends whom you feel so carefree with, you actually feel so powerless, so timid to break the mould. freidnship, when it realy boils down to it, isn't just the feel goodness of it although yes, it's one of God's nicest gifts :D but it's the really small actions, the word or two that reallyREALLY show you care. it's when no one's looking and the spotlight no longer shines on a little dusty corner where a friend is hiding that you go out of the light and into the darkness and THEN create your own glow.

let the world mock me, let them think i'm weird, let them think it's abnormal for a girl to go against the flow and stop in the middle of an underground passage. but dear Lord, let me be brave, let me be the sunbeam you've always planned for me to be.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, to shine for Him each day
in every way try to please Him, at home, at school, at play
a sunbeam, a sunbeam, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
a sunbeam, a sunbeam,
i'll be a sunbeam for Him

-anne

Watch!
Listen.
It’s all around you,
Waiting patiently with tenderness
To ensnarl you amongst its seductive tendrils
A bolt of thunder
Strikes you down, down down,
Not a sound.
Drowned out by the incessant demands of men.
Drowning in your bland tears.
Bitterness long sunken into your deepest trenches.
Full-stop.
Whose say is it, for you to stop?
If your steps freeze right now,
Is it fool’s stop?
Love flutters by, dancing her swan song
Frolicking under the warm sun
In its little green house.
The storm in the horizon bothers it insignificantly.
For now.
I study it with longing,
Behind this window pane.

they make you, they break you

i can't posssibly remember the last time i have blogged, well judging by the level of 'liveliness' of this blog, one can presume that we are not very avid and keen people. but well, just had this urge to 'vent' out all these things stuck inside, i guess for those of us who have no where else in the 'real' world to reveal what we are feeling, this is the best alternative.

i can't be bothered if you actually know who i am, most probably no one will read this anyway. oh well, here goes. had been having options these past few weeks... feeling up and down like you know this yacht in the middle of the vast expanse of ocean, staring at a rather bleek horizon, and your feelings whelm up inside you, the only way they come out is if you *rather unsightly* puke out everything. is there a saying that words can make you and equally so can they break you? or maybe it was just a figment of my imagination. just suddenly dawned upon me (apologies for being so slow in realising such matters) that friends too can be described as such.

i think today is gg to be my last 3rd lang lesson, had a really fun time with these group of people whom were just strangers with me less than a year ago, but somehow i feel so much at ease with them, it is has if there is actualyl some breathing space for me when i'm with them. i'm not complaining about my school friends or anything, maybe the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder is quite true, or maybe i'm just crapping out some excuse to ignore the real truth inside, which i admittedly have no idea, or have no wish to find out why.

well i apologise for all this blabbering, personally i have no idea what is going through my mind now, i just feel that this is the best way to let this all out. anyway back to what i was driving at, on one hand, there is this rathe disjointed (from schools all over singapore) group of friends i have known for probably a year now, and on the other hand there are some people whom i have known for let's say a couple of years. perhaps i am just being to sensitive, or others would brush off as teenage angst which seems quite ulikely rite, i look like the smiley happy kind... but recently, i apologise AGAIN if this is too trivial a matter and i am just blowing matters out of proportions, but people or person in the 2nd group of friends suddenly feel so distant. have there been times when you looked back, and thought about how close you guys used to be, it seemed as if you knew and well clicked with the person well? and then the next time you see the person, you feel so cut off, you feel even to the extent of disgusted-ness (okay maybe this word is too strong, but i am just 'pouring' out this knot inside) towards that person?

the point is, i feel as if i shdn't be feeling this way, cos everyone sees the person as nice friendly approachable blah blah you know the typically good stuff, and true enough you always thought so. then sometimes it is just that word or two, or perhaps a seemingly insigificant brushing aside of you, or that comment which you felt just smacked at your face (while to others it was a friendly slap on the back), or that feeling the person gives you. i know i know.. girls are overly emotional beings who cannot help but be uptight over such 'lame' 'miniscule' matters, but i can't help it! that is precisely why i don't wish to blow up anything, cos i really dont' want to regret destroying anything in the friendship, well but i know for one thing, i feel differently to that person. and i'm learning to control my feelings, like don't be biased, don't think badly, how you ought to love everyone around you, and maybe i'm just being the one at fault. i dunno lar!

haiyoh, so well, after inviting whoever out there into this super long convoluted thought process of myself, i shall seal all this up once again, until i cannot bear the person or people. after all, people might just tell me after this post, to have friends making you, you should make yourself a friend first. pls tell me straight to the face if i'm not being a nice friend, i know the feeling of it. at most if i disagree with you, you can see more ramblings on this dying blog.

pris

you know what? [that's grammatically unsound but whatever] i take back everything i've said in the last [deleted] post. pooh. i totally shouldn't blog at night.
-anne