when i'm feeling like bubblegumpop, spiced with more than a good bout of headbanging and generally feeling like i can play imaginary guitar riffs on the sidewalk and everyone will blur like in my very own music video

i'm ritually getting hooked to new teenybopper headbanging guitar riffing songs like avril's the best **** thing (i censor in my head okay) and taylor swift's you belong with me

SHE WEARS SHORT SKIRTS I WEAR TEESHIRTS
SHE'S CHEER CAPTAIN AND I'M ON THE BLEACHERSSSSSS
DREAMING ABOUT THE DAY WHEN YOU'LL WAKE UP AND FIND THAT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS HERE THE WHOLE TIMEEEEEEE

*air guitar!!!!!*

on a related but irrelevant note, whenever saturday rolls around and mock credits roll in my head the theme song's always the boys are back HAHAHAH what a riot i laugh hahaha funny what

toodles!!

you're never really ever alone (:


6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

You can have the prettiest clothes in the world, travelled to the furthest ends of the world, possess the greatest talent amongst many, but yet still feel so empty when you don't have someone you can share your life with, share your thoughts with, talk to the whole night, lean on the shoulder to cry upon.

Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go.
– louise driscoll

all these are my own works from the rubber stamping workshop with 137 at ms koh's house! super duper uber funnxorrs :D the designs are the stamps, but the colours of the designs and words and the shades are all done by meeeee kay :D ayam v proud of them as you can tell haha

i wonder how thomas edison felt after he invented the lightbulb. exhilaration, pride, relief, thankfulness..

i wonder if he ever felt scared to try another project. scared that hey, even if he could do it once, doesn't mean he could do it again. scared of being a one-hit wonder.

sometimes, i think, we're more afraid of our talents than what we dont have. what we never had, we can never lose. but what was once our crowning glory can just slip from our grasp.

pen to paper, i think sometimes i'm scared i'll lose my voice that flowed through ink. the part of me that seemed to engage all my attention as alphabets conjoined into words, weaving prose that looked like poetry in certain lights.
-

in a dusty corner of the attic
a kite dangles limply from a hook
muted colours softly fading into the woodwork
it flew just once,
but not again
because
what if it never flew as high as it did before?
-

oosh. not pessimistic, but pensive haha. i think i like writing because lessons we glean from life seem to stick better to paper than they do to our heads haha.

HI IM BACK!! AND IM PHAT!! AND MY LUGGAGE WENT FROM 9KG TO 17.8KG WHEN I CAME BACK HAHAHAHA. POSTULATES THAT I BOUGHT 10KG OF CLOTHES. G THINKS I SMUGGLED CUTE TAIWAN BOYS BACK -.- (they're gg to be pretty underweight) AND IM TERRIBAD AT BUYING SOUVENIRS ): BUT I HAVE PHOTOS!

i'll put them up soon! thanksgiving must be in order! (:

thank God for:
perfect weather
smooth customs transition
NO QUARANTINE!!! HAHAHAHA
great food
brilliant shopping
awesome company (((: <3
new friends in taiwan no less haha :D
extended wardrobe
HEINEKEN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (no we didnt drink no worries)
FOOOD!
safe flight there and back! (esp when i flew back ALONEEEEE from taiwan to hk and transited ALL BY MYSELF im so proud)

thank God! ((:

eggcited!! just imagine. 10 girls bumbling about in taiwan/hk. AND HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIFES. just delicious. i'm so thankful (: thank you God, for love's really in the details. thank You for always taking care of them. (:

MISSES! KISSES! BISES! FISHES!! hahahah

i'm going to master breathe by taylor swift on the guitar, even though the lyrics are quite.. unlyrical. haha but the guitar riffs are suuuperb! and fearless too! haha guitar tuition anyone? :D and i HAVE to wrap my mind around collide cause so far i can only play the intro -.-, but apparently the entire song IS THE INTRO REPEATED -.- -.- -.- teehee.

-
and just saying, that's not love.

two words: 17 again

one word: husband

one action: faints

to infinity and beyond! words: 17 again (and again and again and again and again and again...)

oh and check out the retro-ed hair he sported in the early bits of the show. i was like NO OH PLEASE FLOPPY HAIR FTW

i dare say dresses have got a wholly unwholesome hold (say that out loud) on me. a presently enjoyable, though frivolous pursuit that seems wont to ensnare me in its invitingly lustrous folds.

if you think me strange in the way of language i am currently uttering, blame not the influenced, but the influence!

hahah ok i shall quit the flowery language now. it's Jane Eyre! the influence that i speak so highly of haha. it's awesome to read, gripping in its storyline and makes you ponder the sentence structure and the way the author phrases emotions and thoughts. gives one a sort of childish joy at being able to make intelligent the long rambling sentences she writes of.

ANYWAY! the purpose of this post was to show the gorgeous dresses (and 1 top) that i'm besotted with. darn the internet. DARN ONLINE SHOPS. DARN ASOS WITH THEIR BEGUILING DRESSES!

LOOK AT THEM CAN YOU NOT IMAGINE THEIR FINERY!!! :O



and i've saved the best for last! i lovelovelove this colour this dress!



okay, i bet you think me a frivolous creature of shallow taste with little depth of mind. but think what you may, for i'm not disposed to write my innermost thoughts on a page such as this. okay jane eyre has too great an influence on me, i shall quit this page now hahaha.

I LOVE THIS. YOGGI ROCKS

and grace is the bomb. i dont know whether to be pleased or not HAHA:
msg 1: In celebration of zac efron's new movie 17 Again, does his wife want to treat me to watching his movie?
msg 2: I don't mind watchign w you cuz i'm free anw. But you treat me! I dont want to waste money watching zac efron ahah. Cheapo i know BUT THAT'S HIS VALUE TO ME :P WHAT THE PONGS!!

okay bye im going to stop posting for 1 week haha

today i laughed like JELLY. like crying jelly. omg and all the quotable quotes! cheryl and jess omg. "I WANT PRATA WITHOUT OIL!" "EAT DOUGH!" and a million other things and when our tissue prata came looking like some COLLAPSED TENT it totally took the mickey out of all of us. ahahahahahah and yane is forbidden from setting up the fb group, do YOU laugh at tissue prata? joannechan does. please support this lost cause. and we're going FEESHING NEXT WEEEEEKKKK!!! :D and jon is the awesome look at this

yane: "eh what time you gg army ah?"
jon: "er donch noe leh"
norman: "what school ah. school 2 is it?"
jon: "er donch noe leh. i think school 1 la"
jon: "or maybe school 2"
yane: "scarli you had to book in ytd lor"
jon: " er donch noe leh"
*PREGNANT PAUSE*
jon: "EH DONT LIKE THAT LA!!!!"

hahahaahahahahaahhahahaahahahh and when norman drove us home it was INSANE. i think i shall postpone all notion of driving lessons hahaha

oh eww gross. yuckxors.
-

in other news, shift 6 shift 6!! :D

ohpongsicntblvidrmntbty tllmwhyimy

dnttrytxtrplt,dntrdmningsntowhrthrrnne

imy?

when you're one of those people for who emotions nip as keenly as physical touch; the littlest joys can send your spirits soaring, and the tiniest losses can cause the most lethal of heartcuts.

so in all, i just thank God, that i can feel a whole gamut of emotions and He holds my hand. (:

have you ever felt this wave of nostalgia just wash over you? i feel like i'm drowning in it. drowning in a sudden influx of memories, of feelings, emotions, thoughts, people that suddenly occupy my thoughts. it's not a pinpointable person/event/thing/whatever. it's just this sudden sense of loss; suddenly the things i miss seem to be things/people that will remain nothing more than memories. life's been good, very good in fact. and you meet so many new friends, people who make you laugh as hard. but it's not the same. life moves on, ebbs and flows. and we're expected to keep to the change in tides?

there's this really deep ache inside. not a < / 3 but an ache, for all things past and gone. stored in memories; yet indelible? that has yet to be answered.


-
why?
a million whys clouding my head
turning it a grey murky mess
clouds to peek through
clouds to shelter
clouds to turn my insides helter-skelter

the kite flew once
you on the end of the string
and i twisting it around my finger
i thought you tied it on
for me
but in all truthiness
(this word does exist)
you were tugging to go
the string's broken
the kite's flown
yet still
still
i keep my fingers tightly wound

and it cuts

and all we need
is some wind
to fly my kite again
and blow my clouds
a w a y

omg i want this book!!!!!!!! plsplsplsplsplspls let borders or kino have it. plssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

hi friends this will make yr day! and if yr day can be great, why settle for good? (:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNYfZd8iV2k

[55.5] <2015 yoggi> says: that screaming thing was the BABY?!
[55.5] <2015 yoggi> says: panda babies are loud shits
fatKOKOhead* Jesus, my heart must know i'm pleasing to You (: says: WHAT THE PONGS!!
[55.5] <2015 yoggi> says: okok
[55.5] <2015 yoggi> says: loud CUTE shits

hahahahahaahahah :D

Psalm 106:1
Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever.

(: all glory to God! teehee yayyyyy ((((:

andand I BE GOING TO HK/TAIWAN WITH 411 IN MAY YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

(:

-
may sunshine always fill your heart
and rainbows paint your every morning
may thunderstorms not seek to last
and dancing be in place of mourning
may you continue to gaze upon God's works
with eyes ever as starry
and may you live and learn and love in life
and ladidumdidumdee (:

just to rush off a quick post, i'm still itching to do my arty-farty-crafty post but that sadly has been placed on the backburner because yous truly is now

EMPLOYED! hahaha. and the timing is so precisely specific that it's definitely God's hands guiding every moment of my life. and i'm so thankful! cause right as you know, i didnt want to jump into working so soon after the terror of As so turned down tip. didn't want to commit 9-5 for like 6 mths for an office job so there you go, i was happily hobnobbing around for 2 mths, having fun, going out, SUPPORTING THE ECONOMY. come to think of it, i had a job. i was the ECONOMY-SUPPORTER.

woots. and i didnt even need to take econs HAHA :D so yes then after 2 mths of being a sloth and generally abiding to my every whim and fancy, it all kinda got old. and sian. so registered with a few tuition agencies and thank God! the reply was so super fast so now i'm energised and raring to go, having slacked enough and now promptly and meaningfully occupied. yay!! so tuition 5 times a week now and later going down for interview with singapore children's society to help as a volunteer! i hope my schedule can fit their's though )):

so so thankful (: totally needn't have worried haha silly homo sapiens.

anyway! i cant take it i must post something to do with the crafts post, a sneak peek if you wish hahah.



this was totally cut out of paper. and peter callensen is a professional paper-cutter. how cool a profession is that! the intricate and delicate beauty of the entire paper structure is almost like prose shot through the heart to reveal poetry. love it love it. can view more of his works at http://www.petercallesen.com/index.html (:

yayyyy :D :D :D everything's multi-coloured again (:

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

sorry for the teenage angst haha and thankewyous for caring (:

i'm going to do up a nice arty post soon on the many things that hands, heart and crafts can accomplish! yay! :D

i want to go to science centre soonsoonsoon, since it failed to become our class learning journey (no i havent gotten over that traumatic epic decision to not go science centre D:) haha maybe with markypoopoopooPOOPOO!!

i call my mommy; moomoo. so guess what papa's called?

-
i'll put a flower in your hair ((((:

you know i cant decide between a veryvery happy post about how spoiled i am wrt my extended birthday celebrations or a rawrish one because of what im feeling now.

okay i decided to go with the rawrish one cause i need to give words to what im feeling NAO and i dont have all the photos from bday celebs so yes. this is going to be a very linguistically-challenged post so stop here if you cant stand mindless drivel.

eh why you still reading!



you like mindless drivel ah?






dont bluff.






i know you're bluffing. stop it.







okay not funny hahahahhahahahah. that shook me out of my rawrishness abit yay very good HAHAHHAHHAH welldone joanne you are a good self-motivator.

anyway. i think i'm one of those people who totally needs ALONE TIME. me time to MYS EFL. away from every single thing/person. sorry i love everyone alotalotalotalot and i mean it from the bottom of my heart but i think i'm going to totally lose it if i dont get to hermitcrabise myself SOON. even away from my family yes i just want time to MYSELF. to not talk to anyone, ignore smses/calls from my phone/ be SUPER ANTISOCIAL. reminds me of how we were discussing this last yr after - witnessed my total teary breakdown with the too many-commitments-on-my-plate fiasco which seems to repeat itself sporadically.

sorry world i'm just very tired of you.

yay mosaics are so fun! :D i shall do another one soon with more pictures haha cause PEOPLEEE are hoarding photos! haha but not their fault im lazy to bring my camera out. but now! i shall whip out my trusty samsung f480, woohoo i'm no techie but yes my parents surprised me with a new phone! haha cause the old one was really quite cmi even though i refused to part with it for so long. you can go guess what colour it is :D

and these are purity camp's photos! finally the camp cd's out haha. row by row, from left to right:

row 1: grp shot before games, SUPER awkward position balancing on 2 bricks!, posing with the bricks after we completed the bricky game firstttt

row 2: sunflower and i cheering with our grp's signature pose, whole camp shot!, now, this is hard to explain. we were all blindfolded and without communicating, had to find our whole grp and use a rafia string to form designated shapes. so yes david was amusing himself in our circle while we all couldnt see him. TOO BAD NOW WE CAN HAHAHAH.

row 3: sama game making a star i think haha, on stage doing our rendition of 12 days of Christmas!, gift exchange

:D
-

"you've got to learn to be more impersonal jo. harden your heart or you won't make it. not everyone is a worthy recipient of warmth. dont love too readily"

really? but i like loving people. i like making little things for everybody and seeing when they're truly surprised and happy. but i understand now. there's special love which i'm saving and love to be shared freely. so i love you, with the love of Christ (:

OMG! i feel so dearly blessed (((: went to rj tdy even though it was RAINING and yoggi made me wait at ri for him to open the gate and made me get WET. and we whacked vectors for 2.5h. then 19 BALLOONS flooded the classroom and-

YOGGI: WAHPIANG! you all made me tank for 3 hours doing math la!
YOGGI: you do realise math tuition was supposed to be a scam right. you think i really do 3 qns in 3 hours ah? i was d*** distracted LA!

nette yen bao and yoggi are the love <3 joanne efron FTW and homemade cookiessss :D i'll never ever regret orientation no matter what HAHA REALLY HORH.

and mind cafe surprise too ((: and TOMORROW! and omg ffff scholarship interview and application on fri OMGGXXED and SATURDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :D :D :D :D i refuse to take photos on saturday HAHAHAHA and sundayyy too!! :D

everything happens for a reason. good, bad, a little inbetween. whether we understand why, how, who, what, WHYWHYWHYWHY whether we think we know better or not. we meet for a reason. we know each other for a reason. we live, we love, we cry, we hold each other for just a little more each time. we misread, we fall, we do silly things, we part, only to reunite again if and when we realise friends never do leave each others’ hearts.

it might not really make sense, but the person who can make you the happiest girl in the whole wide world, can also be the one who makes you feel the saddest. What should you do when this happens? Stop letting your feelings take control of you? 

i dont want it to be this way (too?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3UBtRF1xsA
my fingers are blistering and i'm loving it :D haha i havent been listening to naz's advice to let it heal faster but yeah! i practise! :D heh and sorry nope i cant play that song YET but soonsoon i promise. can play 3 songs now wooohoo sunflower is a good teacher haha though my strumming pattern is still v wonky. i must find more time to practise instead of gallivanting off and letting kaching flow like water. love the opening intro and the strumming pattern of the chorus.

downPAUSEupdownupdownPAUSEupdownupdownPAUSEdownup (:

please dont assume you understand the reasons why

please dont assume the worst

I subscribe to this online daily bible verse, a reminder to me about God's importance especially so during our busy lives. Today it talked about the 10 commandments, and specifically the one about not having any other idols in our lives besides God.

Exodus 20: 4-5 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God" I think it rings true. Sometimes I put my priorities on other worldly things, and in that sense idolise them. It could be the value I put in trying to please someone, hoping to satisfy and fulfil another person's expectations, or the mindless pursuit of ideal love, maybe all we have to do, so as to better our lives and live a more fulfilled life, was to put our trust and faith in God. 

I found this on a random blog, but it seemed to make some sense.

"However we try, still a thing looks morally better because we want it. For that reason, our heart is often our worst counsellor, for it is filled with desire it may give us bad advice, pleading the purity of something that is in itself anything but pure." - A.W. TozerHowe

i love going back to rj! and walking down orchard/taka/ARTFRIEND!/up the bishan hill/sitting at houseboards/laughing at the frisbee bois/DOING VECTORS OMG BRAIN GYM!!! WE MISS!!/eating at j8/laughing over ---- ---- (now no more HAHAHA)/promising every month first sat!/sevendollarboxx ((((((:

only downer was.

shoobit artfriend ran out of felt! SHOOBIT! only restock in mid feb how! shoobit. time to comprain.

i have motivation to not post so much anymore cause i want to keep the poem up for as long as possible :D

"A Woman's Question"
by Lena Lathrop (from "I Kissed Dating Goodbye")

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life -
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what other have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts -
I look for a man and king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on his first
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

anabnswmtfilwutbtlgh club!

i wanna be a fruitloop in a world of cheerios

-
to friends, to memories (:

bugis, marina square, esplanade, suntec, swensons ICECREAM! with b dear. Yes Man, ohmy noman 411. selegie tauhuey schizo busride <3. 3 2 1 !!! supper with c2 midnight swings slides prayers. <3 to <3, munchmunchmunch, shop3 with pox <3. usher meet w j v a e. smu transcripts flyy. omg wokenupmyidea. usher gm! leaders meet. ps spotlight drowning bears and ducks all in a line <3. breeks eeks HAHA. so i sew a little cake star heart smiley crown. tp open house crepckges (:. twong house whee wii. tidytidy house quarantine for once snugglysnuggly. prettydressday ms squishy hugshugs <3. 2dresses2blouses4inchheelsskirtbag shoppers' fatigue has yet a cure. baking! oreo cheesecake apple pie peanut butter and chocchip cookies (grilled) brownies HAHAHA :D. raffles 360 y y n <3 frisbee <3 :D. rafflesplace is such a cold place haha bridge over ruffled waters sitting talking hearts full <3. ahgong ahma lunch pufpuf dinners <3. ntu open house omg fly me overseas haha g. Holy Communion manual tiptaptippitytap v. heels in a keel dinner b (:. guitar at naz's house byebye soft fingers hello rockinrollingoodtimes :D. omg mudpie pfft HAHA. dinner naz wil.

PHEW. (:

don't drift don't drift. promise we won't

:D :)) !! :S :/ >( :P :D

i dont know what i feel now.

but i know i can choose.

so i do.

:D

-
on a completely different note, t just introed this song to me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k and omggxxedwtp it's absolutely a gorgeous piece and here's the dealbreaker. I CAN PLAY IT!!!! :D :D :D :D :D okay i have to get my sleepyself off to cityhall NAO so i wont be late for dinnerzxzxz. going out everyday is very tiring leh! i have to scribble CHOPED in bigbig letters in my planner so noone can touch them. i feel very important when i say i have a planner. my mom adamantly refers to it as a NOTEBOOK. and the fact that it's pinkISH makes her say NOTEBOOK in much the same way as one would say BARBIEDOLLPLAYSET >( hahaha

it never stays the same for long

when you think things cant get any more complicated it's just a sign that it can

it's disconcerting how we can make the same mistakes AGAIN even though it flipping hurt

learn well jojo ANNE OH
-
this week was good (:

life is exciting is exciting is exciting!!! (3 exclamation points and outflashing of eyes to underscore my point) i look at my dustypink planner and i just feel this surge of !!! :D :D :D and more outflashing of eyes at all the people i'm going to meet, all the things i'm going to do, the fun i'm squeezing in before the bell tolls on 31 january and cinders returns.

and even after this week ends and i settle down to less bouncy and more serious stuff, it just gets curiouser and curiouser as aptly encapsulated by alice. going to find out more about uni course and scholarships and talk to so many people about it too! really thank God at the way He's been moving in my life, sending people along my way to show me love and just guide me along. eugene and all his 2 years worth of NS wisdom about unis and courses, weixiong who gamely offered to hone my interview skills HAHAHA, zhiwei and law and just you, you and you (:

mommy's been right all along. to not set ~ down so fast even though ~ still seems wont on it. i'm going to try my harderestest to resist the temptations of msn and fb especially when i get home late and still WANT TO check my email. if i can, it's the entire week offline jojo. Nights should be better spent in deep contemplation, soul-searching, reading His Word and just drinking in the nectar of the dark. so toodles my loves, i'll be trying to live wireless (:

but of course. i'm not going to be so legalistic. I HAVE MY PHONE HAHA so throw away msn as a (pretty lousy) form of communication and make my day with a little inbox inhabitant sent my way (:

draft.draft.draft.draft.draft.
-
yayy crepckgs! chckyrpostnsbys (:

sometimes the best advice comes from books, especially those with the Godly perspective. here's an excerpt from Boy Meets Girl that really spoke to me: 

Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down. Perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways. Perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose. until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music. Perhaps... perhaps... love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

How lovely this analogy. Sometimes it's better to just be friends. And let God choose our one friend to become our one true lover.

Pris

haha aww! this is so cool thanks c for the link (:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/2310-praise-infp-s.html

now to find my entp/enfp/enfj hahahaha
-

i think we all hide behind happy facades and punctuation cause it hurts too much to show the real raw deal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D23sjATRmQw&feature=related

Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum

i got a nice new planner! in my favourite colour with a pen in my favourite colour too! borders is super lousy only have ex planners like 78$ ?!?! and dont have the joshua harris book also LOUSY!

its dark maroon = dark brown + light white! :D and now only filled with 3 hearts, details for the past few days and BIRTHDAYS!! yes i resolve to not forget anyone's birthday this year and to faithfully use my planner until 31dec2010.

wish me luck haha i hope i can still find it by my birthday.

words obscure as much as they reveal. that's why it's easy to hide behind them. especially when they're toneless words, devoid of a specific pinpointable emotion. pretty much accounts for the popularity of msn and sms.

absurdity, rhythm and the spaces between words. sometimes matter more than the letters themselves

hugh jackman! who MAY just rival zac efron. note the use of MAY haha. and this!! is when he appeared at the ball and turned around so suavely and THE WHOLE THEATRE GASPED. haha not bad ah!

hmm

omg i'm so going to disown you if -

_ is ruining your life!

HAHAHA

hmm

not really

really?

white cloth strewn on the ground

trampled into the mud

remains white?

maybe

YES

teeming

flit flung fly

alice at the tea party

pretty porcelain placed

for the dormouse to sleep

and jolt awake-

hmmm

i realised i've been super lazy to put photos hahah but! i was just looking at the camp shots and omg hilarious to the maxxxxxx and eh exclusive 5ofus hello our outing!?!?! haha i miss you alll alotalotalottt all our recess chats and laughing till WE (not me, WE) fall off our chairs! okay so abit of photos now cause poxpox says she neh see the fb ones haha.

oceans TWELVE! hahaha ingenious pose right :D david's just uh really bad at counting hahah daaaavviiidddd and goolliiaaaatthhhhhhhhh

You are here, in our midst,
how we've waited for moments like these
have Your way, in this place
Holy Spirit come move as You wish.
we are changed as You move in our midst

just a quick update about purity camp, it was truly awesome! Thank God for oceans' 12; with our remodelled raffles cheer HAHA, double connotations of FTP!!!! and DON'T DON'T DGU!!!!! dancing KINGS, act cute number poses thought up by GUYS, level 1 2 3 4 PIGS, eugene's pig face, 'eh handphone/picture, please tell that level 4 pig ah that he makes too much noise and humans dont talk to him leh!', charity's PROJECT GOLIATH!! (hahahahahahaah sam you'll understand when you see the photos :D), chinxiang's jiang zhen de, jiang zhen de, and a million other wodnerfulwonderfulwonderful moments, the games, the fellowship, the fun, the cheering...

but most importantly, and without this, the camp would have just been another camp, was the presence of God. and how he touched each of us in His own special way, breakthroughs and revelations, insights and understanding the true righteousness of Jesus that we are all clothed with, His faithfulness and the purity that both guys and girls can examplify. Thank God for the conviction for the inspiration to live my life in His light, for I've been ransomed at a heavy price.

the importance of not being unequally yoked. and of being yoked with a truly God-fearing, God-loving and God-chasing one. and He guards my heart now (:

and i will be white as snow,
i will be pure as gold,
Jesus my heart must know i'm pleasing to You

i give my life, my all,
taking the Cross, i will follow,
Jesus my heart must know i'm pleasing to You

] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
snowit lurbex guaycheng dipxdipx too
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
LULZ
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
snowit is dead
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
got ran over by a bus
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
cause we built it on a parking lot
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
>_>
fatjojohead* so close; i believe You're holding me now (: says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAHAHHAA
fatjojohead* so close; i believe You're holding me now (: says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

hahahahahahaaah BEST LAUGH IN AGES

AYE MUNNA EET CHOO

AYE DONCH MUNNA DO KOLIDGE APPREKATIOX

AYAM LOOZING MAI HED

-

haha i really dont want to do uni apps! omg save mee meesiam meepok meerebus meepok eeniMEEnimainimo. i want to go back to sewing my cake! haha yes i sew cakes. felt cakes! haha. okay fine i go do uni apps NAO. 1 jan deadline is a farce please. haha and when pris comes back i'll be gone! ): so our baking how how how!!!

aha! i bake NAO i eat NAO she comes back we bake again i eat again! brilliant. and the whole world is going away away away.

-

the capacity within me to frivolously fritter time away is astoundingly frightening. and there's this uncoded yearning within me to do something PROPER, something benefitting others, something that will cost me my time, efforts, brainpower, channelled to a cause that's larger than my puny existence.

i've dreamnt about coordinating a whole new food redistribution scheme, shared about the whys and wherefors with cell, maybe now it's time to act upon it. it's easy to push things to when "i'll be free-er", when my life seems less cluttered, less filled with so many things in my planner. but it's going to just be another ride around the entire circumference of the rainbow without realising there's no pitstop.

it's been 18 years. i dont want to be 36 and numbly realise that 18 + 18 is just 36 and the arithmetic progression continues undeterred. i'm scared to even start on it. but i bet David was quaking in his gladiators (which btw are the most unfashionable fashion statement ever) when he faced Goliath. But he went ahead, cause he knew God had his back. and He has mine too (:

making choices

a football gathering, an all guys' stayover

dinner with jc classmates, lunch with sec 4 friends

it's not how much time spent together

but sometimes

(i just wish)

it was the excuses you used that hurt me deep down

i exist ok

sometimes

(i just wish)

i was recognised.

maybe it's too soon

but i just hope it'll never be too late.

thank god this blog is locked up.

is it possible to miss a feeling you've never felt before?

i officially hate all my prom photos RARRRR. if you want a picture of a logcake with bloodred lips feel free to ask. it'll help immensely in any ghost productions. arghhhh i'm never ever doing makeup ever ever againn. rarrr ):

when you never seem to get it right

):

the finality of prom is going to hit me soon

but for now, i hide from the barrage of emotions
-
mellifluous, dulcet tones
the Conductor's in control
and the baton gently coaxes the tunes forth
a symphony of communication
a myriad of overtones
two in perfect harmony

strings twang, keys clash
pay no heed to the pendulous baton
the Conductor's just a figment of the imagination
a cacophony of noise
meant-to-bes lost in the crashing waves
once upon a song
-

] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
we can be SWORN SIBILINGS
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
LOL
fatjojohead* so close; i believe You're holding me now (: says:
OKAY YOU CAN BE MY DIDI

round and round the mulberry bush; i'm going to vomit soon

bring me 6 years back to bowl haircuts, captain's ball, sliding windows, dual prefect pledges, journals and starwars, lightsabres, panasonics that were meant to be, candles that never melt and away from

post a levels

It has been exactly a week since I, along with thousands others, heaved a sigh of relief as A levels finally drew to an end. We had been working so hard the past few months for this major episode in our life, that all of a sudden, when we reach the end, I feel abit empty, abit lost. Either way, I suppose it is a good thing that we've done what we set out to do, and now is a new journey for us to choose to take. The first few days of 'freedom' saw some of us catching up on sleep, while others *cough cough, caught up with friends (see the photos below haha). And i guess the general sentiment deep down, was that with the disappearance of exams for at least the next half year, it is time to catch up on dreams and silly things that we had put aside. For some it's sports, maybe to others it's photography, maybe even blogging and using Facebook, comp games, reading, shopping, learning how to cook, well at least the last one applies to me. All of a sudden, you no longer have to rush to that scrunched up piece of timetable to direct your day, everything rests in your own hands - how you spend each day, and your future. 

Let's see. I've been spending the past week on uni applications (done), a trip to malaysia (fun), packing my room (a must) and random stuff on the comp that don't seem to register much on my memory now. frivolous stuff? a sign of regression? maybe intellectually, should we define improvement as keeping our minds busily engaged in academic stuff, research for 'meaningful' purposes, and writing tonnes of essays. yet again, maybe it is finally the time where we can discover ourselves. everyone does it in their own way, i don't know how mine might be, but i suppose time will reveal it to me. i'm going to try to stop using the word bored to describe my situation for the rest of the long long break. perhaps it is better to think of it as having time for yourself. a situation that adults worrying about everything under the sun will be so envious of. a situation that just a few weeks ago, you would have died to be in. 

i'm not sure if this is the common consensus, maybe we all like to do something worthwhile, something of significance to touch others' lives, something that would brand this break productive and meaningful. yet in the search of a job that can bring us financial satisfaction, an internship that will give us a notch ahead the rest in college, a new experience that will not let time just fly pass so quickly, we might just end up getting so caught up in the product once more. the same situation that we went through during A levels' preparation, that we forget to stop and take in the view, to appreciate the friendships that have been with us, and might just disappear in a twinkling of an eye as new paths form, and more often than not diverge. surely we can still meet up, there's facebook, msn, sms, the phone (if any of us actually use it often nowadays), or even the christmas card. but schedules still clash despite this relative freedom. then when will be ever free to invest our time and effort into maintaining friendships and relationships? I suppose when it comes to this point, we must learn to stop finding excuses, and just find the will. 

What's my next 6 months going to look like?i guess guys know the answer. i'm going to start writing my journal again. and i think when that starts, i'll hibernate once again, and stop writing here. no matter how much we like to believe that we can just dump all our emotions and thoughts over here, i still practice selfcensor. though it's always the same people reading the blog. and it just doesn't have that warm feeling, allowing you to scribble in your ugliest handwriting, or draw random pictures. and i dont' like putting photos here. and i believe the blog will still be alive so no worries! im going to practice my piano more regularly now cos it's something that i like but has been put off. ill try to learn how to cook, anyone willing to offer me free cooking lessons or an oven? i am going to read - any suggestions of nice books? and i'm going to enjoy myself, do what i want, not what i'm supposed to be doing, so maybe i wouldn't bother finding a job either.

 maybe it's just me, but i think most importantly, it's the people that count. with so much time, there's no better way to spend it, than with friends you have lost touch with, friends that you want to keep in touch with, and friends that know you would keep in touch with. yup that's all for now. i'm not bored anymore yay!

Pris

how do you spell post-As in just 7 letters? (i had to use my fingers omg its should be 10 letters : r.e.g.r.e.s.s.i.o.n. instead)

M A D N E S S is how you'll spell it! but it's pure unadulterated fun (:

so. i dont care if this is exhibitionistic i'm going to recount all the days! haha cause my mommy just came back from her church resort camp and asked me what i've been up to and i could barely recall. oh dear mental regression is looking more and more like an apt description of post-As haha.

tues: the start of WHEEEEEEEE fun! hung around with siti lei grace jukie yay to grace and siti who sacrificed studying time to eat in the DESERTED canteen. whoa rj people either really know how to 1) party or 2) hide away studying. summary of the whole hour: we talked alot of rubbish. YAY! then we had pre-practice dance practice with juks and lei woohoo where there was this collumbarium man who was very amused EH FREE (AND GOOD) ENTERTAINMENT OKAY!

okay this is getting a little dry i dont think anyone wants to wade through chunks of text anyway. so uh okay then here goes. swenson's. ZAC EFRON. HSM3. i took a photo with zac! honest to goodness, i shall post it up soon. he was positively BEAMING. :D newton's. good food yumyum. random toilets with ANIMATED MIRRORS. lei and i wasted 5 minutes of our lives staring at it as it changed hahaha.

wed: spent the whole day at my grandparents' house! (((: made me feel really bad for not having spent more time with them so i promised to come kachiao them more. and my ahgong's so cute, we were comparing who's a bigger fan tong and he said he used to be able to eat 3 bowls of rice. then i told him i'll match him during dinner, then he laughed. okay doesnt sound funny but it was! for the record, i DID eat 3 bowls of rice :D woohoo fan tong ftw

thurs: makan date with lynette! ((: i know guidelines of ogl specifically highlighted NO FAVOURITISM but hey you dont begrudge a girl her few momentos from orientation do you. nette yen ygb6 ftw! few i stress. hahah okay joke ah joke ah. woohoo we traversed thomson ate at this really quaint restaurant and had cheese brownies!

then oh! class dinner at breeks the food was not bad and hahaha it was hilarious omg must remember all the quotable quotes!

(hello lei i ripped this off yr blog hope you dont mind ah :D)

after we've been shown to a table and grace was squeezed into the corner seat..

lei: did we say table for 13 or table for 5?

waiter to siti: can i clear this?

siti: oh yeah sure

grace: eh no. i want the carrots

everyone: MIRROR FACE. PAK JIAO FACE. i dont care everybody gave grace the mirror face okay

and we gave jukie her coffee-themed present! :D sorry i said the taboo word ): sorry jukie dont ask ahem ahem ahem and ahem to come after me okay ):

sorry i was quite snappish near the end of diner ): wanted to get home to my daddy fast cause he was home alone. and eh THANKYOU LEI for being underdressed together hahahah we both looked like going to beach ((:

fri: omg. totally too many things packed into one day. my head weakly waved a white flag, surrendered, caved in like a bad souffle and gave me the worst (or best, depending if you're me or my head) headache when i came home ): but well! dance in the morn HAHAHHAAHHAHA juks :O ;) :) :x okay emotes speak a thousand words. malehsia is so passe alr please HAHAH yes im talking about holiday destinations.

finally met up with markypoo! YAY \o/ were supposed to be random and go on makan trail so he nicely came over to rj and we went thomson again! hahah had ms clarity's oh my the bread pudding is simply divine. and the main course was pretty good too roasted chicken stuffed with shitake mushrooms yum. yayyy nice treat ((: then we realised we were too full so our makan trail only had one stop oops. then we went botanical gardens!!!!1111oneone had the most gorgeous time walking around, threatening to topple people into ponds, lying on the grass, feeding fishes and swans (lei! swan-powered batteries!), taking a million photos. (:

NOT MY IDEA! hahaha

swanie swan. like gownie gown. and yamie yam.

then had dinner and chatting session with ahgong and ahma before heading to church for camp prayer session (: really hope camp this year will be really good, and its like its building up to be one; where God can freely move and touch all of us over and over, and over again (: then went home and curled on the bed talking to daddy before getting sidetracked online again haha

sat: MOMMY AND MEIMEI ARE BACK! okay and so we're off to eat dinner soon so bai (:

today,

was simply divine (:

WOOHOOOOOO TO DAYS AND MONTHS ON END OF AWESOME HAPPY FUN!

Thank God for just bringing all of us through the entire period and for proving that He is in deed, greater than all things material. (:

"The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." - psalm 121: 7 -8

i was thinking. if our lives were like HSM (!!!!!!), this would be the script for tmr:

at 8.59, everyone hecks the MCQ, stares at the clock and goes 16... 16.. 16.. more minutes..

at 9.13, we all whisper conspiratorically under bated breath, summer... summer... summer...

at 9.15, when the bell goes off (yes there will be a bell just for us) the teachers and invigilators all conveniently fade into oblivion and we
1) throw all our papers into the air
2) jump onto the tables and
3) start gyrating wildly to music over the PA system
everyone miraculously knows the song and the dance moves woohoo

but instead of All For One, we're probably going to croon along to As For All! oh yeah oh yeah

if you didn't get any of the MANY HSM references, tooo baddddd i told you to watch hsm alr! :D

HSM3 IS THE ABSOLUTE LOVE <3

except for stooopz zhaogeng queen! hahahahah

right here, i promise you somehow
that tomorrow can wait
for some other day to be
but right now there's you and me

awwwww (:

until i figure out how to put songs/videos you'll have to do the work yourselves!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW-1Ytwn4a4&feature=related

AND

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD7iJb9Hl70&feature=channel

dont be silly and not watch them k. CONFIRM CHOPSTAMP GUARANTEE WILL MAKE YOUR DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!*



*manymanymany terms and conditions and legalese in fine print apply

when the As finally end, i'm going to get re-acquainted with myself (:

i hope i have a good time

slipping sliding twisting turning
little rivulets shot through the heart with tints of red
and flecks of gold
plip plop splish splash
framed against dark mahogany
and streaks of silver

i like nights that dont really feel like nights; like it's a neverending twilight

have you ever seen something so beautiful that there's this queer ache inside of you?

ctrl s

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. - Michael J. Fox

amen and so the As are best left in His capable hands (:

and awwww markypoo is the bestestestestest cant wait for As to end and catch up over b&j! yayy haha anneth and marketh ftw the past never really does let us out of its sight sometimes; which mayn't be a very bad thing sometimes (:

SEA HIST IS OVERRRRR! :D

i was trying to shake all the seahist info out of my head i hope they all come out of my ears and make space for geepeemathphysicschemihist woooohooooo!

and today lei and i were feeling so proud of ourselves for having conquered history and having survived without emerging with our finger bones splintered that we spent a good hour in the library doing nothing!

nothing in this context is doing something extremely fun but with no apparent benefits for the upcoming As. who cares john lennon says time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted! good one

hahahahahahahahaha green and orange rankings ah! DONT HAVE FIFTEEN LORH! anyhow me hahahah <33 i love times like these ((:

heres what little kids think love is.
1. when my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love . Rebecca - age 8
2. when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4
3. love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell eachother. Kari - age 5
4. love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6
5. love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4
6. love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy, and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7.
7. love is when you kiss all the time. then, when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. my mommy and daddy are like that. they look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8
8. love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening the presents and listen. Bobby - age 7
9. if you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate. Nikki - age 6
10. love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it everyday. Noelle - age 7
11. love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6
12. during my piano recital, i was on stage and i was scared. i looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. he was the only one doing that. i wasn't scared anymore. cindy - age 8
13. my mommy loves me more than anybody. you don't see any one else kissing me to sleep at night. Claire - age 6
14. love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5
15. love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he's more handsomer than Robert Redford. chris - age 7
16. love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann - age 4
17. when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen - age 7
18. love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think that it's gross. Mark - age 6
19. you really shouldn't say " i love you " unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it alot. people forget. Jessica

awwwwwwwww (:

Something to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now


before I fall in love

SIGH SWOON SO SERIOUSLY SPERFECT SHO SKUTE

sorry if you were expecting some more intellectual stuff haha actually yes this is very intellectual dont ask me why you have to figure it out on your own or else it wont be intellectual anymore would it? :D

when he started on bet on it my sis and i were like WOAHHHHHHHHHH *.*

hahaha and this totally sums up msn

] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
talk nonsense with me
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
quick we're really good at talking nonsense
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
noope
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
YOURE' really good at talking nonsense
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
I'M really good at tolerating nonsense

hahahaha okay back to http://images.google.com.sg/images?gbv=2&hl=en&q=zac+efron+hsm :D

HSM 3 OPENED TODAY!

only preponderant thought on my mind now is

LET'S GO WATCH! hahaha A's shouldn't have the pleasure of ursurping my entire life

everybody please go watch this work of art okay! and listen to grammy award winning singing (by zac efron) and oscar award winning acting (by zac efron)

today we had an intellectual discussion at recess about whether zacefron really sang or not. and the only logical conclusion is YES OF COURSE HE SANG DO YOU NEED TO ASK reallyreally! i can furnish you with details!

and dinner@rpa (ohh it changed into a link!) haha was good times too. i cannot remember why we were laughing so muich, but it sure felt good haha 'cause when you study history it's veryvery hard to find anything to laugh about. cause people are either lynching each other/the government, squabbling about policies, or running headlong into parang-wielding kommunists.

okay maybe not.

in any case JIAYOU EVERYBODY! it's really the last lap and we're all going to finish this race strong and as a team! (: with God to guide the way (:

/edit: ooh look at this! http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2007/10/how-to-make-macarons-recipe.html this calls for mega baking session after As!

i went to see a doctor today, and as i was in sch u, he randomly asked me when my A levels was. I replied 'one week'. Gg i just realised how soon the test of our life, the turning point that could determine the rest of our lives, the end of the race that we had been running for months is in just 1 week time.

phailz. only ygb6. phailz. whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

i told myself i could watch a movie if i studied till 8

i studied till 720

so i watched uptown girls

but left out the credits (cause afterall, 720's not 8)

and it made me cry

but in a nice way (:

i hate it when i become sarcastic :'(

how come one mistake can continue to haunt for so long?

i wrote this in a totally different context yet it seems so aptly fitting for now

and so i'm just a face with a ruined name with apparent ties to a compass who oh! probably stalks chases and follows every single link and direction the compass points in

why? :'(

i'm plodding through history like an elephant plodding through ear-high mud. sticky mud. coagulated mud.

i've studied:
- at my desk
- sitting on my bed
- lying on my bed
- standing at the piano
- sprawled on the floor
- while watching zack and cody

i'm running out of ways to keep myself amused while STUDYING HISTORY rarrr. and i'm studying in school tmr! which only allows me to study in the first manner; which is the only dignified pose in the entire list i realise. haha which reminds me!!

i'm going to go chope MY TABLE tmr woohooo. i hope i remember to :D i hope taufik has written my name on the table. MY table! haha

okay i'm going to eat dinner and mango sorbet yum

if you dont see me studying tmr in a dignified pose, please whack me.

softly :D

live, learn.

ANNE OH.

this is to commemorate the episode of the poisoned pear. please observe a moment of silence.

emo shot #1 - grace eats her pear and her peers mope about

emo shot #2 - "arghh!! the pear...poisoned... adshkerfscn"

emo shot #3 - juks: hurry behead her, it will lessen the pain! joanne: noooooo! i cant bring myself to do it! grace: *dying*

emo shot #4 - goodbye grace....

emo shot #5 - the end... :'(

photos and captions all courtesy of juks :D wahahahaha WE should be the real scriptwriters behind all tearjerkers from now on :D

there is so much i can say, but words get in the way so-

i found the perfect graduation song! i will remember you by ryan cabrera :D and in the midst of egging someone on as a music pirate :D ryan cabrera's appearing alot in my playlists now. listen to true! and john mayer's no such thing is EXTREMELY apt for now.

-some day you'll turn your radio on, i hope it takes you back to that place

yay i love markypoo-meepok with chilli-top b&j buddy! it seems just yesterday when i was reading all of his infinitely many journals (!) and he was swinging his waterbottle as a light sabre above my head. 6 years and back, just like that.

-but in a box beneath my bed, is a letter that you never read from three summers back

it's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet-

-and looking back on all of that





it's nice to believe-

U-Ni Go away
Applications another day
I just want my fun and play
Oh please shoo away
:(
I guess when we finally realise that our 2 years of transition in rjc has finally come to a somewhat official close, we're no longer students, teenagers who still need to be prodded to hand up our homework or to listen to the teacher. We're standing on the brink of becoming an adult, one who exercise his decision-making skills with ease and confidence (an assumed fact that does not seem to hold true for both of us) and one who is ready to leave his next. Is 18 really that old? Maybe I'm just too used to being taken care of, living a sheltered life. It just seems that a few hours of mulling over an essay, a few weeks of mind boggling applications would determine the rest of our life - our course of study, our career, our place in society, and who we are. I don't like making decisions. And ya I agree that we have been ingrained with this mindset that well surely we deserve the best? or at least near the best? surely we would be qualified to get into this and this? but when the awful reality sets in, when someone has to deliver the hammer, as mentioned by Professor X, it hurts and freaks us out. Have I been living in my own world? a world of comfort, predictability, love and fun? Regret can be an awful feeling to plague the rest of your life. But what if trying out a new experience ends up leaving you with one of the worst memories in your life? what is worse? leaving with tangible awful memories or foresaking the intangible wonderful visions? and sigh back to juggling between the many things that all seem so impt.

so this was how we all started. how will we end?

It’s been 18 years and counting. 18 years; or 6805 days, 20 hours, 5 minutes and counting. And now it seems like I’m just standing on the brink of a great unknown. The horizon’s so wide, the possibilities are endless, and it’s only now that I realise just how vastly small my decision may seem to the world but is probably one of the greatest decisions I’ve to make. Ever.

Even as I’m sitting here and typing this, I’m beginning to get cold feet and I wonder if my life is really working out in the way God would have wanted it.

What if I had never joined the gep. What if I had gone to dunman, I would most probably be in vj now, and maybe, who knows, maybe still with you. It was that sole decision in p6 that small utterance when mommy stood in the doorway of the morning we had to decide the top 3 choices that set me on the path to rg, to rj and now, where?

I look at the array of colleges, universities and just CHOICES that are waiting to be made and I wish with all my heart that I know for sure what I’m doing. Where should a humanities heart and a science mind go? And where do I go where I can still follow God’s plan for my life? And where can I go where I wont have JUST only a career for the rest of my life?

I never was good at making decisions, unless the answer was as clear as day. Pongs, I cant even decide what to eat for breakfast most of the time. I simply reach into the cupboard and hope that whatever comes out is something exciting. If not I fish around again. This isn’t really going to stand me in good stead now is it?

The sheer independency of going overseas and the utter MATUREDNESS of it don’t seem to be what I can manage. But something in me wants to try, wants to give it my best shot and PRAY and hope that it’ll be the best deicion I can make. Maybe the elite in me is too fully nurtured, maybe I think that by staying I’m not giving myself the best chance that all along has been handed on a platter to me.

Would I be able to give up all the many, infinitely many roots I’ve put out on this very soil. Plants can be grafted sure, transferred from one place to another. But pull off too many of their roots and you just see what happens. Would I keel over and just wilt?

Maybe it’s like the better decision made of the worse choices. Either I die from the sense of uprootedness, or forever be haunted by the knowledge that I didn’t try.

I feel like my mind is expanding, beyond its little walls, that though were restrictive, were at least familiar and cosy. It feels irreversible, like it’s ME in the WORLD. No longer just ME in RJC.

I will blatantly admit that I’m scared, and I’m unsure and I’m confused. But most importantly, I acknowledge just how much I cannot know, and how much God can. For it is in my weakness that He is made strong.

So let go and let God.

giving gifts

In a dark, untouched corner I kept this box of mine
Never opened, never stirred, left it waiting for years
Then one day someone took my hand
And gently opened up that box of mine
I started to discover that I had so much to give away
Once stored safe inside this box
A parcel of joy, a collection of blessings, a spoonful of saccharine sweetness
A spread of letters all penned with my thoughts (personal thoughts)
A musical box that whiled time away
This box did not seem to have a bottom
I could give (away) and give (in) and maybe in the end give (up)
Then slowly I realised it did have a bottom
A bottom I was trying to create
I wanted to stop giving, be selfish and mean
To stop myself from getting hurt
Why should I keep giving my things away
It’s mine and mine alone
But that person seem to warrant those things
The care and concern and silly little things I made
I stretched my neck, and extended my hand
I wanted to take something back from that person’s box
Maybe I did take some, but it didn’t’ seem enough for me
It didn’t seem to satisfy my inner desires
A teaspoonful of thought,
a miniscule stopwatch (that stopped time from flowing on and on)
Then we argued over each other’s box
Then I wondered maybe I should have never shared those things of mine
Maybe I should have waited to open the box later on
Maybe things might not have been the same
Maybe right now, we’re both bound by chains,
Chains that neither of us can break
It’s stopping you from giving your all
And now
Maybe I should also stop myself from emptying out my box

One year.

P.S. Really this is just a bottle of bottled up thoughts, don’t pry, don’t ask, I like to just say it out, and full stop.

ey says this blog is full of emo posts. ironically he told me over msn. ironic because i'm starting to not like msn. one only need wonder how many emo posts have been INSPIRED by msn. which is funny again when you think of how our very first argument was over my adamant decision not to use msn, which i finally did, which is another funny thing.

the waiting, the double-clicking, the clickclackclickityclack, the furious backspacing, clickclackclickityclack, backspacing, backspacing, backspacing

what a funny thing

12 there was you, 34 closed the door, 56 splintered red, 78 too little too late

you come creeping in at the most untimely of moments

a most uninvited, but yet wholly welcomed intruder into my innermost thoughts

oh bugger
-
maybe all i want to do is go back to 2006

waiting

i waited one year
then ten years
a life time
i looked out of the window
admired the nightsky
followed the stars
thought that they would lead me
to the right one

but i waited
and waited
yet the right one never seem to come
the one who cared
the one who listened
the one who spoke with tender words
the one who knew my heart's desire
(the one who dried my tears, not make me tear)

i looked out of the window
longingly
for a long long time
i dreamt of pretty things
carrying me away
but it never seem to come true
i felt saddened, i felt abandoned

i had waited
and waited
in vain

then i decided to turn away
and look within for the very first time
(or maybe i had looked this way before,
but my heart was always turning outside)
then i realised i wasn't the only one who waited

She waited one year
and ten years
a lifetime
as I looked out of the window

She looked upon me longingly
tenderly, with all the care
Behind my back, she watched over me
Within her heart she cried, when i cried
She listened every word I said,
but i was straining my ear for that voice from outside

And this story repeats itself,
generation after generation

We wait and wait
one year
ten years
a lifetime

Don't wait
till it's too late
just to keep looking for that 'soulmate'
and leave her or him to wait.

a distinct sense of discomfort permeates
rankling just beneath the skin
small stabs of pain that prick at the soft muscle
and so you do what you are famed for
wrapping one, no two, nay three layers of sheen over
the foreign object lodged within
protection you say, from all that hurts!
the tides ebb and flow
and the layers increase with its passing
behold! Its layers of lustre, the stratums of shine
then you realise too late,
with a vague sense of unfeelingness
that you no longer have a heart




for it’s encased in pearl
-

woe to that day if it ever comes, and i pray it never will. a moment of hurt is one thing, but a lifetime of unfeelingness is quite a horror altogether

YAYYYYYY! 3 more papers only! haha acktooaally ah it doesn't really matter to me already cause now i just come home and sleep, then study till 7 (I'VE IMPROVED!) and then woohoo it's ME TIME!

i know why i'm so happy :D haha cause i reread the tags on the tagboard and they were so hilarious they removed every single blight the exams have posed as (:

love to friends <33333.14

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

i'm learning my lesson. that sometimes we can't love only those who love us. I fail and i fall and i keep falling short of the standards set. But by the grace of God and with His strength, i'm going to start loving everyone that comes into my life and treating them not in response to how they treat me but how Jesus would treat them (:


haha i was going to sign off UNTIL I REMEMBERED hahahahah okay toodles!

z0mg. there're a billion things nicer to talk about, to post about, to wax lyrical over. but mugging [no not studying, even less so learning] just drains all my inspiration a w a y and i dont even mug after 6 -.-

friday is insanity squeezed, distilled and concentrated in its truest form. hyperbole eh.

cannot.wait.for.end.of.friday. then saturday brings love's labour's lost!! i'm so excited now, it's been eons since i last watched a play. cause NOONE wanted to watch dimsum dollies ): yay play prelims go away! woohoo my language skillz is teh proz.

haha from now on we're both not going to sign off so go figure who's who.



and it's hard to traverse between-


this post is so pessimistic ):

sept 6

i don't really get it.did community service in the past 2 years?served the school as a leader in any way?performed exceedingly well in a sport?aced your childhood away?picked up any skills outside of sch?travelled abroad to help others?must we always use such yardsticks to determine the worth of a person?maybe i'm speaking from a position that is quite sparse in all these areas, achievements/accomplishments/noteworthy points so to speak. this sounds selfish, self-centered, narrow-minded, but then why can't we live for ourselves? you shd start judging people based on what they desire to achieve, what suits them in their own individual shell, not take society's absurb measurements and forcefully thrust upon them. it could determine their future, their career, their life. if i like spending my days at home just mulling over stuff, not seeing a need to interact with the old folks simply for the sake of CIP hours, but instead spending precious time with my loved ones, am i to be faulted? if i like to take up a sport, but not excel in it simply because i'm not a competitive person, does it mean i'm less worthy than those flaunting gold medals? ok granted, and definitely we shd applaud, those who are able to juggle good grades, recognisable sporting achievements, contributions to the community's overall welfare, making a point to lead others (not everyone is born a leader btw, or else where shall the followers hail from), yes yes really remarkable achievement i shd say. but that doesn't mean others are anything less worthy. well it seems that character, and more intangible parts of a person are gradually getting recognised as worthy too, but this recognition remains a far cry from what the person truly deserves. i dont' know, just random ramblings, ok back to mugging (one of the yardsticks we're all hoping to excel at least- get good grades).

JJJJJOOOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE

too many choices

i'm going to spare about 5 mins from this crazy mugging period to just say sth that has been on my mind for some time. choices. i realised that with the explosion of choices available to us, each day, as we grow older (and supposedly wiser), it seems like our decision making skills are becoming lousier. or at least for me, a person who's super indecisive. in econs terms, every individual makes choices, weighing the opportunity costs (the value of foregone alternatives) against the benefits accrued. it has been ingrained in us so deeply, that we fail to realise it. when choosing the course to take, when thinking about uni applications, when falling in love and wondering whether the person we've chosen is the right one, when deciding what to eat for lunch, when thinking about the regrets that we might have to bear if we take the wrong path in our future careers. so many options now, and yet so many pitfalls for regrets as well. well come to think of it, the very fact that i'm taking out 10 mins now of my mugging time, is also another opportunity cost, or is it. it's sad that we're always trying to find the best for ourselves, well it's not wrong, but it gets tiring, too rational, too grown up. i want to be like a child, where decisions were made and paths paved for me. but is it really a more attractive alternative? imagine living without a choice, that goes back to the days of our grandparents. maybe. and i read somewhere that says, when you've so many choices, even after you've made the best one in ur opinion, you wouldn't enjoy it so much because of the thought of all the lost options in the process of havin to pick one. such a confusing world. oh well, back to mugging. i'm still perplexed with making decisions.

am i pretty?
it's such a shallow thing to ask.
it puts the person subject to such a question in a really tough position.
it's something deep down probably would have crossed one's mind.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. yes true, but society's lenses has kind of narrowed to a specific category of characteristics of what beauty entails. it's like a checklist that contitues a pretty person. and we can't help it, as much as we don't like to be judged this way, to be influenced by our first impressions, which inevitably results in one's looks taking up a really significant portion. even if this was just a temporary initial impression.

haha i don't even know why i'm writing about this when it doesn't make much sense and doesn't seem to go anywhere. we like looking at pretty things, we're attracted to pretty stuff, we like to be pretty. as long as that doesn't take hold of your entire being, make you focus on that one and only goal, as long as you know that your friends around you love you because of who you are inside out, as long as you carry yourself with confidence, knowing that you are really really truly special for who you are, seems like prettyness isn't such a big deal.

well it does. it remains so. but to what extent would it bring you everything you wish for in life?you know that the friends whom you hang around with, share your troubles and joy with, aren't always the conventional pretty ones. it's their sincerity, their concern, their joyful presence, their words of wisdom, their comforting silence that illuminates the latent beauty from inside. and so, schizo as i sound, pretty isn't so impt right.

so am i pretty? are you pretty? i can't tell. it takes more than one glance to give the right answer.

my thoughts at 5.11pm

A levels are just around the corner, at least prelims first, but it just smacks you in the face how fast time flies. i'm sure that saying has been so commonly used that we just accept that inevitably, but sometimes you just don't wish time to pass so 'quickly'. maybe i just happen to be one of the rare few that don't wish to grow up, maybe i've been living too sheltered a life to deal with a future full of uncertainties. standing at the brink of teenage-adulthood, i feel lost. just look at those friends around you bursting with ambitions and goals, and you wonder to yourself, what exactly am i living for? what is sth i would die to do? haha probably nothing, unless to save my loved ones.

i don't like to be gossiped about. haha well i'm guilty of doing it at times too, but it never strikes you how hurtful, or just irritating it can be. to be at the other end poked by those pathetic talk. well of course, as you could refer to the previous post, learn from the quote. if you've nothing better to say, shut up. it's really amazing how the human mind has a natural ability to filter out words/actions/thoughts. it keeps the not so nice ones, those that can be used in the future simply to rake up the past, and harp on it, and make someone feel bad. but how about the blessings that are showered upon every day?

what appears on the outside is almost certainly deceiving. judging people is on par with gossip. i'm guilty of that too. and so are you reading this, you're probably making some judgement of ur own. but it's so instinctive. if someone's acting unusually, there's probably an underlying reason. yes given it may be the character of the person just being plain weird, well i don't think scientists have discovered a gene code called weird right. surely then it must be an external trigger factor. so i guess until we know the person better, we shd just leave him/her alone. right. haha but i'm judging those who judge simply by saying this!

and sometimes you just feel lonely. it's a loneliness inside, an emotional kind. we've harnessed the ability to effectively shut out the inside from the outside world. focus on what's the priority now, don't let those silly feelings distract you. but it doesn't ever go away. and even when you try to confront the source, you don't know how to go about handling it.

i think really, the difference between family (parental) love, and that between non-blood related people, is that the former is relatively conditional. in the sense, you were born to this family, and no matter what, this subtle love remains. it doesn't need flowers, honeyed words, specially made gifts, special acts of service to be sustained. in fact, this kind of love surrounds you all the time. maybe the expression is more coarse, less obvious, but at least for me, this kind of love has never failed. when i'm sick, looking ugly and worn out, my mum's always there. even if i were to stay back till late into the night, my dad's always there to fetch, anywhere around the island. when i've the most embarrasing stuff to share, i've got them. perhaps i'm the one not opening up enough to other kinds, or perhaps i just don't know how to draw the line. between demanding too much and sacrificing one's wishes, discounting one's rightful place. between us and me. anyone knows how?

our mind is really the most fascinating place to be in. although i foresee the next 80 odd days will be largely spent immersed in our books, we can always count on our mind to bring us anywhere we go, and see whatever we want, and dream of whatever we hope for. so despite this seemingly not so postive post, let's always hope and know that God's faithful, and no matter what happens, no matter what troubles we face, we've got Him to turn to. that's one blessing i'm going to count today.

[if you're a regular of this blog, you probably know who it is already]

i think i've learnt something new today.

that no matter what, there will always be those who think you're beautiful, both on the outside and inside, and will always think you're beautiful. and then again, there are those who will never think so. and it's alright (:

time and again, so subtly present, yet so heavy a load, we think that we're not good enough. against what criterion we're pressed up hard against, we don't really know how to qualify it, but we know we fall short somehow. fall short of those who've got it all made. who know the right things to say, who don't feel so tongue-tied and socially-inept. and so we blame ourselves, and we try so hard to prove a point we don't even have to make in the first place.

i'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin, more forgiving of what used to seem like mistakes, but were rather just unique parts of me. not wrong, not right, just a me that has nothing else to be compared against.

i don't have to feel that i'm not matching up to the standards that have been predetermined, the multitude of standards that trace the outs and the ins. what's outside and what's inside are just two flip sides of the very same door. if what i have to be is something to be proven, then it's not worth the proof.

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - eleanor roosevelt

growing up does have its nettles and thorns, but it's amazing the lessons God teaches if we're willing to quieten down and just listen, like this sense of assuredness in Him. (: