giving gifts

In a dark, untouched corner I kept this box of mine
Never opened, never stirred, left it waiting for years
Then one day someone took my hand
And gently opened up that box of mine
I started to discover that I had so much to give away
Once stored safe inside this box
A parcel of joy, a collection of blessings, a spoonful of saccharine sweetness
A spread of letters all penned with my thoughts (personal thoughts)
A musical box that whiled time away
This box did not seem to have a bottom
I could give (away) and give (in) and maybe in the end give (up)
Then slowly I realised it did have a bottom
A bottom I was trying to create
I wanted to stop giving, be selfish and mean
To stop myself from getting hurt
Why should I keep giving my things away
It’s mine and mine alone
But that person seem to warrant those things
The care and concern and silly little things I made
I stretched my neck, and extended my hand
I wanted to take something back from that person’s box
Maybe I did take some, but it didn’t’ seem enough for me
It didn’t seem to satisfy my inner desires
A teaspoonful of thought,
a miniscule stopwatch (that stopped time from flowing on and on)
Then we argued over each other’s box
Then I wondered maybe I should have never shared those things of mine
Maybe I should have waited to open the box later on
Maybe things might not have been the same
Maybe right now, we’re both bound by chains,
Chains that neither of us can break
It’s stopping you from giving your all
And now
Maybe I should also stop myself from emptying out my box

One year.

P.S. Really this is just a bottle of bottled up thoughts, don’t pry, don’t ask, I like to just say it out, and full stop.

ey says this blog is full of emo posts. ironically he told me over msn. ironic because i'm starting to not like msn. one only need wonder how many emo posts have been INSPIRED by msn. which is funny again when you think of how our very first argument was over my adamant decision not to use msn, which i finally did, which is another funny thing.

the waiting, the double-clicking, the clickclackclickityclack, the furious backspacing, clickclackclickityclack, backspacing, backspacing, backspacing

what a funny thing

12 there was you, 34 closed the door, 56 splintered red, 78 too little too late

you come creeping in at the most untimely of moments

a most uninvited, but yet wholly welcomed intruder into my innermost thoughts

oh bugger
-
maybe all i want to do is go back to 2006

waiting

i waited one year
then ten years
a life time
i looked out of the window
admired the nightsky
followed the stars
thought that they would lead me
to the right one

but i waited
and waited
yet the right one never seem to come
the one who cared
the one who listened
the one who spoke with tender words
the one who knew my heart's desire
(the one who dried my tears, not make me tear)

i looked out of the window
longingly
for a long long time
i dreamt of pretty things
carrying me away
but it never seem to come true
i felt saddened, i felt abandoned

i had waited
and waited
in vain

then i decided to turn away
and look within for the very first time
(or maybe i had looked this way before,
but my heart was always turning outside)
then i realised i wasn't the only one who waited

She waited one year
and ten years
a lifetime
as I looked out of the window

She looked upon me longingly
tenderly, with all the care
Behind my back, she watched over me
Within her heart she cried, when i cried
She listened every word I said,
but i was straining my ear for that voice from outside

And this story repeats itself,
generation after generation

We wait and wait
one year
ten years
a lifetime

Don't wait
till it's too late
just to keep looking for that 'soulmate'
and leave her or him to wait.

a distinct sense of discomfort permeates
rankling just beneath the skin
small stabs of pain that prick at the soft muscle
and so you do what you are famed for
wrapping one, no two, nay three layers of sheen over
the foreign object lodged within
protection you say, from all that hurts!
the tides ebb and flow
and the layers increase with its passing
behold! Its layers of lustre, the stratums of shine
then you realise too late,
with a vague sense of unfeelingness
that you no longer have a heart




for it’s encased in pearl
-

woe to that day if it ever comes, and i pray it never will. a moment of hurt is one thing, but a lifetime of unfeelingness is quite a horror altogether

YAYYYYYY! 3 more papers only! haha acktooaally ah it doesn't really matter to me already cause now i just come home and sleep, then study till 7 (I'VE IMPROVED!) and then woohoo it's ME TIME!

i know why i'm so happy :D haha cause i reread the tags on the tagboard and they were so hilarious they removed every single blight the exams have posed as (:

love to friends <33333.14

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

i'm learning my lesson. that sometimes we can't love only those who love us. I fail and i fall and i keep falling short of the standards set. But by the grace of God and with His strength, i'm going to start loving everyone that comes into my life and treating them not in response to how they treat me but how Jesus would treat them (:


haha i was going to sign off UNTIL I REMEMBERED hahahahah okay toodles!

z0mg. there're a billion things nicer to talk about, to post about, to wax lyrical over. but mugging [no not studying, even less so learning] just drains all my inspiration a w a y and i dont even mug after 6 -.-

friday is insanity squeezed, distilled and concentrated in its truest form. hyperbole eh.

cannot.wait.for.end.of.friday. then saturday brings love's labour's lost!! i'm so excited now, it's been eons since i last watched a play. cause NOONE wanted to watch dimsum dollies ): yay play prelims go away! woohoo my language skillz is teh proz.

haha from now on we're both not going to sign off so go figure who's who.



and it's hard to traverse between-


this post is so pessimistic ):

sept 6

i don't really get it.did community service in the past 2 years?served the school as a leader in any way?performed exceedingly well in a sport?aced your childhood away?picked up any skills outside of sch?travelled abroad to help others?must we always use such yardsticks to determine the worth of a person?maybe i'm speaking from a position that is quite sparse in all these areas, achievements/accomplishments/noteworthy points so to speak. this sounds selfish, self-centered, narrow-minded, but then why can't we live for ourselves? you shd start judging people based on what they desire to achieve, what suits them in their own individual shell, not take society's absurb measurements and forcefully thrust upon them. it could determine their future, their career, their life. if i like spending my days at home just mulling over stuff, not seeing a need to interact with the old folks simply for the sake of CIP hours, but instead spending precious time with my loved ones, am i to be faulted? if i like to take up a sport, but not excel in it simply because i'm not a competitive person, does it mean i'm less worthy than those flaunting gold medals? ok granted, and definitely we shd applaud, those who are able to juggle good grades, recognisable sporting achievements, contributions to the community's overall welfare, making a point to lead others (not everyone is born a leader btw, or else where shall the followers hail from), yes yes really remarkable achievement i shd say. but that doesn't mean others are anything less worthy. well it seems that character, and more intangible parts of a person are gradually getting recognised as worthy too, but this recognition remains a far cry from what the person truly deserves. i dont' know, just random ramblings, ok back to mugging (one of the yardsticks we're all hoping to excel at least- get good grades).

JJJJJOOOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE

too many choices

i'm going to spare about 5 mins from this crazy mugging period to just say sth that has been on my mind for some time. choices. i realised that with the explosion of choices available to us, each day, as we grow older (and supposedly wiser), it seems like our decision making skills are becoming lousier. or at least for me, a person who's super indecisive. in econs terms, every individual makes choices, weighing the opportunity costs (the value of foregone alternatives) against the benefits accrued. it has been ingrained in us so deeply, that we fail to realise it. when choosing the course to take, when thinking about uni applications, when falling in love and wondering whether the person we've chosen is the right one, when deciding what to eat for lunch, when thinking about the regrets that we might have to bear if we take the wrong path in our future careers. so many options now, and yet so many pitfalls for regrets as well. well come to think of it, the very fact that i'm taking out 10 mins now of my mugging time, is also another opportunity cost, or is it. it's sad that we're always trying to find the best for ourselves, well it's not wrong, but it gets tiring, too rational, too grown up. i want to be like a child, where decisions were made and paths paved for me. but is it really a more attractive alternative? imagine living without a choice, that goes back to the days of our grandparents. maybe. and i read somewhere that says, when you've so many choices, even after you've made the best one in ur opinion, you wouldn't enjoy it so much because of the thought of all the lost options in the process of havin to pick one. such a confusing world. oh well, back to mugging. i'm still perplexed with making decisions.

am i pretty?
it's such a shallow thing to ask.
it puts the person subject to such a question in a really tough position.
it's something deep down probably would have crossed one's mind.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. yes true, but society's lenses has kind of narrowed to a specific category of characteristics of what beauty entails. it's like a checklist that contitues a pretty person. and we can't help it, as much as we don't like to be judged this way, to be influenced by our first impressions, which inevitably results in one's looks taking up a really significant portion. even if this was just a temporary initial impression.

haha i don't even know why i'm writing about this when it doesn't make much sense and doesn't seem to go anywhere. we like looking at pretty things, we're attracted to pretty stuff, we like to be pretty. as long as that doesn't take hold of your entire being, make you focus on that one and only goal, as long as you know that your friends around you love you because of who you are inside out, as long as you carry yourself with confidence, knowing that you are really really truly special for who you are, seems like prettyness isn't such a big deal.

well it does. it remains so. but to what extent would it bring you everything you wish for in life?you know that the friends whom you hang around with, share your troubles and joy with, aren't always the conventional pretty ones. it's their sincerity, their concern, their joyful presence, their words of wisdom, their comforting silence that illuminates the latent beauty from inside. and so, schizo as i sound, pretty isn't so impt right.

so am i pretty? are you pretty? i can't tell. it takes more than one glance to give the right answer.

my thoughts at 5.11pm

A levels are just around the corner, at least prelims first, but it just smacks you in the face how fast time flies. i'm sure that saying has been so commonly used that we just accept that inevitably, but sometimes you just don't wish time to pass so 'quickly'. maybe i just happen to be one of the rare few that don't wish to grow up, maybe i've been living too sheltered a life to deal with a future full of uncertainties. standing at the brink of teenage-adulthood, i feel lost. just look at those friends around you bursting with ambitions and goals, and you wonder to yourself, what exactly am i living for? what is sth i would die to do? haha probably nothing, unless to save my loved ones.

i don't like to be gossiped about. haha well i'm guilty of doing it at times too, but it never strikes you how hurtful, or just irritating it can be. to be at the other end poked by those pathetic talk. well of course, as you could refer to the previous post, learn from the quote. if you've nothing better to say, shut up. it's really amazing how the human mind has a natural ability to filter out words/actions/thoughts. it keeps the not so nice ones, those that can be used in the future simply to rake up the past, and harp on it, and make someone feel bad. but how about the blessings that are showered upon every day?

what appears on the outside is almost certainly deceiving. judging people is on par with gossip. i'm guilty of that too. and so are you reading this, you're probably making some judgement of ur own. but it's so instinctive. if someone's acting unusually, there's probably an underlying reason. yes given it may be the character of the person just being plain weird, well i don't think scientists have discovered a gene code called weird right. surely then it must be an external trigger factor. so i guess until we know the person better, we shd just leave him/her alone. right. haha but i'm judging those who judge simply by saying this!

and sometimes you just feel lonely. it's a loneliness inside, an emotional kind. we've harnessed the ability to effectively shut out the inside from the outside world. focus on what's the priority now, don't let those silly feelings distract you. but it doesn't ever go away. and even when you try to confront the source, you don't know how to go about handling it.

i think really, the difference between family (parental) love, and that between non-blood related people, is that the former is relatively conditional. in the sense, you were born to this family, and no matter what, this subtle love remains. it doesn't need flowers, honeyed words, specially made gifts, special acts of service to be sustained. in fact, this kind of love surrounds you all the time. maybe the expression is more coarse, less obvious, but at least for me, this kind of love has never failed. when i'm sick, looking ugly and worn out, my mum's always there. even if i were to stay back till late into the night, my dad's always there to fetch, anywhere around the island. when i've the most embarrasing stuff to share, i've got them. perhaps i'm the one not opening up enough to other kinds, or perhaps i just don't know how to draw the line. between demanding too much and sacrificing one's wishes, discounting one's rightful place. between us and me. anyone knows how?

our mind is really the most fascinating place to be in. although i foresee the next 80 odd days will be largely spent immersed in our books, we can always count on our mind to bring us anywhere we go, and see whatever we want, and dream of whatever we hope for. so despite this seemingly not so postive post, let's always hope and know that God's faithful, and no matter what happens, no matter what troubles we face, we've got Him to turn to. that's one blessing i'm going to count today.

[if you're a regular of this blog, you probably know who it is already]

i think i've learnt something new today.

that no matter what, there will always be those who think you're beautiful, both on the outside and inside, and will always think you're beautiful. and then again, there are those who will never think so. and it's alright (:

time and again, so subtly present, yet so heavy a load, we think that we're not good enough. against what criterion we're pressed up hard against, we don't really know how to qualify it, but we know we fall short somehow. fall short of those who've got it all made. who know the right things to say, who don't feel so tongue-tied and socially-inept. and so we blame ourselves, and we try so hard to prove a point we don't even have to make in the first place.

i'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin, more forgiving of what used to seem like mistakes, but were rather just unique parts of me. not wrong, not right, just a me that has nothing else to be compared against.

i don't have to feel that i'm not matching up to the standards that have been predetermined, the multitude of standards that trace the outs and the ins. what's outside and what's inside are just two flip sides of the very same door. if what i have to be is something to be proven, then it's not worth the proof.

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - eleanor roosevelt

growing up does have its nettles and thorns, but it's amazing the lessons God teaches if we're willing to quieten down and just listen, like this sense of assuredness in Him. (:

interjc is tomorrow and the same fear that marked all 4 years of squash trials is back with a vengeance, only perhaps more so now.

i'd better remember to breathe on the field tomorrow or i'll asphyxiate and require the whole team to cart me off the field. which might not be such a bad idea actually! (:

oh please please, i pray backhands and forehands will all be a bliss to execute, there'll be manymanymany chhiis for us to do and that it'll be MUDDY. so it'll be harder for them to run, and it'll be easier for me to cup/mark/poach them. oh yeah oh yeah. :D and that the mud will dry up for me to run easily so they can't cup/mark/poach me easily. oh yeah oh yeah.

my best is all i've got to give, so for what it's worth, let's go raffles ultimate!

OH YEAH OH YEAH! :D

-anne

they always say boys are at an utter loss when girls cry

but what you&you did today more than disproves it

thank you (:

-anne

Its like an ocean breeze blowing on your face
Like a summer sun with its warm embrace
Like a gentle rain plays a symphony
Thats what I want my praise to be
Like a fragrant rose in the early spring
Like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings
Whatever, Lord, You may need from me
That’s what I want my praise to be to You

makes me wanna get up and dancedancedance and freely sing His praise! like at SNOW08 and FOP07060504 :D that's why it's good to have a sister crazier than you, so it doesn't matter when you both start doing little jigs in the bedroom, living room, kitchen. and then you scold each other and beg for the unglamness to stop.



before you start again that is. :D



hmm i think the more things that are happening in my life, the less i feel like blogging about it. which is a good thing! cause it's concretised in my heart and not in my words. which sometimes have a tendency to take on a life of their own and prove so utterly inadequate at capturing the moment.






krazeeone and krazeetoo (:

It's not as sad if we go our separate ways as time takes a toll, and new circles form,
but it's a mishmash of disappointment, and helplessness when you can predict,
you can see right smack in front of you, how some friendships would turn out,
when we all go our separate ways.
Knowing the existence of someone, facing the person for weeks and months,
without ever knowing the person really, then what's the point of knowing
each other in the first place
You say this is more impt now, it's no point salvaging the situation,
it's a pity

People judge you all the time
How much have you adapted to those judgements?
To think twice before saying sth, to keep your thoughts inside,
to tell it to a selected few
But what if even the person you want/feel/think you're the closest to,
makes you feel that way?
You hope to share everything, but you're scared of ruining the impression
that someone has had
Just random thoughts, maybe we always use the word random, so that
if someone thinks what we say is just weird, and 'unacceptable', we can
use that excuse and brush it aside
But what if those thoughts had been inside you for a long long time,
and you wait for the 'right' time to say it
Maybe there's never a right time
Don't grow up swallowing up yourself

i'm tired. of thinking and feeling ache-y. of screwing things up. of feeling the awkwardness. of not having the courage. and maybe, of being too late.

okay 2 lines of emoness are 2 lines too many. let happy pictures do the happy talking!

ONE WORD : YES (:

not to forget the crisps too! yay potato and its many products :D

ahahaha. i want this shirt! threadless.com :D

took a while to udnerstand but SO FUNNY. uh Punny. davidandgoliath.com :Dsounds like a plan.

i had some really deep insightful thoughts on the process of things. and they cheered me up immensely when the dread of non-stop mugging loomed. but i dont feel intellectual enough to expound on them. yet haha. there's a total lack of exclamation points in this. so here's a bunch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay insert where appropriate

okay byebye

oh well.
-
and faster than you can follow me from this lonely place. and farther than you can find me, I'm leaving
-
i don't think you'll know what's beneath this facade sometimes
-
msn etiquette cuts me down to size sometimes
-
oh look a looker!
-
when you're telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
-
nahh they were just crisps
-
torn
-







sigh. dismembered thoughts ftw. ptw.

ticktock goes the clock
i force its hands way back
hoping time would just backtrack
the hands go round and round
changes occur without a sound
3 hours of phonetime dwindle to nought,
back in tangled webs we're caught
seconds become agonising yet weeks crumble to dust
but thirds are certainly a must
you take one hand i take the other
clockwise counterclockwise we're none the wiser
a clap's a resolution yet we don't hear a sound,
cause it takes 2 to tango


but neither turns around.

yay at the stroke of 12mn joanne chan will be a happy girl!

cause her daddy mommy and meimei will be back! (:

spent the past 3 days at pris' house which was thumbsupthumbsupthumbsup! cause we get to have extended girltalks and bestestfriends time (: and nigel crashed our girly fun! :O on the first night where we talked till 2 in the dark and childishly snatched at each others' bed/pillow/bolster/blanket :D and looked at all the cool things at fredflare.com

i'm tired of blogging.

i think what i blog is very boring.

i read also bored, type also bored. BORING! D:

boringboingboringboingboringboing

toodles!

-anne

I AM NOW OFFICIALLY HOME ALONE AND ON MY OWN FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS

AND I AM SCARED.

IF YOU ARE FREE/CAN SPARE A FEW SECONDS

PLEASE MESSAGE ME TO TELL ME I AM NOT ALL ALONE

I WILL SO NOT SURVIVE IF I GO OVERSEAS NEXT TIME :'(

dear Lord, please get me through this and make me a stronger person.

and the past 2 /3 days were horrendous cause i got drenched by lemuel with a bucket of rainwater, sat in the aircon for 4 hours, moved bunkbeds in the drizzle and alas fell even sicker. like 39degrees sick. ):

okay enough whinging.

joanne chan you are a big girl, not a jellyfish with no backbone. now mop yourself off the ground and try to maintain at least a semblance of dignity.

HAH.

okay to all out there furiously wrestling with tutorials and notes! God bless and jiayou! (:

-anne

and you know what? HAVE A NICE LIFE. you wind me up and made me so confused and now i wash my hands off everything to do with you. kthxbye.

As we grow older, we learn more and more new words, but why is it that we slowly forget how to say the simplest word: NO?

just watched fashion avenue on arts central and zomgosh! i love british accents with their clipped consonants and dulcet tones. and the eclectic fashion collections in madrid with wonderful floaty chiffon dresses and pink-lined tweed suits; a very viable source of escapism from vectors. :D

haha you know i actually LIKE doing math and the exercises but it's already getting so dry (like cookies without milk) and draining (like spaghetti in the salad bowl) and dull (like sunshine kept too long) that i really dont know what's going to happen when i move on to the other subjects like CHEM and HISTORY. zounds. i am currently pouting at the computer. not a pretty sight.

and ah! i wanted to make a list! of the things i want to do/hope to do! a randomly thrown-together list of randomities. i like lists. cause they're so tidy. but i like long rambling reams of words dropping off the edges of pages too. (:

and pongs! i just remembered. my entire family's going away to church retreat next weeeeeekk! entire, meaning i'm the only one left to rattle forlornly in this shell of a house ): i shall go to school and study cause that settles my food for the day. haha cause knowing me, i'll be too lazy, sian and generally unwilling to move more than 10m to go out and get proper food. so how! eat cupnoodles until phat ah! siaooooo. HAHA. hello people go school study okay so i can have people to talk to and eat lunch and dinner with (:

oh yea my list!
- watch my fair lady, singing in the rain and dimsum dollies in the flesh. yay musicals be the love
- sit quietly at changi boardwalk in the wee hours of dawn
- walk around my neighbourhood before everyone wakes up; in the quiet calm before the morning rush
- lie on the sand at the far end of changi beach facing the open sea during twilight
- stand at my bedroom window and yell for as long, as loud, as much as i like
- finish watching goong! goodness i'm still stuck at ep 17
- hike along railway tracks (as in real TRAIN railways not mrt lines HAHA)
- eat my ikea meatballsssss
- esplanade rooftop, listening to baybeats below
- vivo amphi, talking past 10pm :D :D :D come on encore encore!
- i've always had this dream: to be on this rocky precipice, far above sea level and overhanging a caldera filled with clear water. there're frail willow trees and sturdy evergreens daintily dotting the background. i'm on my knees and just in awe of God's creation and i just seem closer to the sky than the ground. and the skies' as blue as the water below.
- TAUHUEY!
- buy the box's whole collection
- viking ship with a whole load of people, screaming whenever we dip and our hearts fly into our mouths
- learn the guitar (:
- overnight biking/blading round-singapore trip
- finally FINISH the cross-stitch i started 6 years ago -.-
- tidy my room! wtp! at this rate i'm going to have to wade through my stuff to go to sleep every night
- go for pottery classes
- go back to ppis ((:
- sit on the bridge near the indoor stadium at night talking rubbish
- read through the entire Bible!

sounds awesome, every single one of them. and what's best is i can do them alone, with my family, with friends, anyone! and it'll still be as brilliant. (:

was going to post wonderful songs that are becoming my earworms but i think this post has WAYYY exceeded normal length. haha k you! stop reading go mug! :D yay i'm being an enabler; i enable you to remember that you should be mugging and not reading!

-anne

SAVE MEEE i dont want to study anymore ): after awesome class cip at sentosa, i've just been floating around the house, nursing the wonderful residual happiness from falling in love with everyone in 6Q.

reallyreally. it's been the best thing/outing i've been to in eons. beats orientation hands down HAHA okay la maybe it can do with some competition from our SUBCOMM :O but yea i think the last time when such an outing just left me feeling so subtly and yet profoundly happy was p6gep. maybe that's cause they both spring from the same source of first love.

yay i want to recount EVERY SINGLE DETAIL so i'll never forget it. but so AA la haha and so exhibitionist. haha my blog post are getting more and more frivolous. pongs.

oh dear here goes the rant. pox! we should ttly switch to livejournal and put lengthy rants under cuts!

dash dash dash out of the house! prep and packing into jayne's super cute bag. fainting when the numbers were altered again thank God for jayne and ronald's expert negotiating skills :D. yay the kids cameeee and my cuteboy told me more gossip about his girlfriend :O break my heart only HAHA. station games! where lei's cuteboy was SO CUTE and kept sliding everywhere on the floor to catch the slippery thing that kept being uh slippery and slipping. the accident of MY CUTE BOY )))))): where sma and i thought the poor kid's eyeball came out or smth cause the bruise swelled up so much >< pray that he's okay now! sentosaaaaa - total wreck of jittery nerves was so worried that something might screw up or smth then cannot go/rain/not enough moolah rarr but thank God everything worked out well yay!

palawan beach where the games comm was just so awesome in getting everything ready (: playedplayedplayed till we feared the onset of rain so hustled them all off to the sheltered area to have waterbreak toiletbreak teabreak. then we preped colourful water bombs! at the scandalous hut :O eww. and reallyreally THANK GOD the skies held up and it was just cooling but no rain so yay had our major water bombing fest. which totally phailzed tactically, cause no one protected the poor white-shirters and everyone just kena bombed no matter what. yay so i protected this small little boy that came up to my waist haha very easy to protect cause i'm so BIG and he's so SMALLL (and cute :D). then my deathstare girl (who happily forgot about death staring me yay) BOMBED ME. wtp! then samsoh LOOMED with his horrible green waterbomb. which wasn't enough apparently cause after that came the PAIL :O haha but very fun la yay poor class shirt though.

then prize presentation! i totally cannot remember all the pokemon names la haha but i rmb someone was telling me this HAHAHAH super funny
siti: richorn! richorn! come richorn!
everybody: ignores siti
some helpful soul: psst. it's RIHORN (or smth la i dont know hahah)
siti: RIHORRRN!
little rihorns come running hahahhahaha.

then we did our dance yay kudos to everyone who learnt the dance within such a short period of time woots. then they did their song item which was so cute; not perfect musically, but it hit all the right notes in everyone's heart (: then we had to part ))))): i miss my #2 and #3 cute boys - danish and zanni ): i almost cried when danish said, so we wont get to see you anymore? and when zanni said, but i'll miss you. oh pongs those guys really know the way to a girl's heart ):

then the dunking began when we were at the buspark haha jukie's photos are the bomb, like the play-by-play of yix's dunking. haha poor birthdayboy! so when we got back grace was being a monkey and climbing the coconut tree then yadayada i cant rmb much. then samsoh tried on my specs and next thing was swoosh the world was pulled from under my feet. but haha oh no the poor guys who tried to lug me to the water, i think almost can DIE la i'm fat and heavy like a beached whale woots. yay everyone was wet like a wet thing and splashy like a splashy thing and happy like a happy thing! but woe to us who didn't bring extra ___________ (HAHA LEI!) ):

yay and the best bit was sitting at vivo's amphi and just talking and laughing with everyone and being so free and happily small in the vast space. so happily inconsequential to the great unknown, but blessedly significant to those who care (:

i think this cip has been one of the best experiences ever. learning to work altogether and deal with the changes and curveballs that life strewns around. unexpectedly falling in love with everyone and every individual person all at the same time yet in perceptibly different ways. and experiencing how the feel of a small hand in mine fits like a key to a lock and how the conversation flows so much more freely between 2 set apart by 10 years than maybe 2 set apart by a mere 3 months or so.

oh love to those who realised, who noticed, who cared (: you know who you are and i thank you with as much heart as this girl can muster (:

-anne

Guys' rules

funny stuff that sounds quite true. i think. i'm not a guy

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (haha nazri)

1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

and suddenly, sitting here beyond the magical moments of 11:11, i don't feel up to going for tomorrow's event. i know it'll be great fun because of the company and everything everyone has worked so hard for is coming to fruition. but sometimes, i wonder if i just stay home, probably no one will notice. until maybe someone needs a scissors or something and i was supposed to bring the scissors then oh shoots where is that dumb girl and then maybe they realise i'm not there for 30 seconds.

i'm in a mood now. cause i hate it when i seem to pick vibes up and then i dont know what to do about them. especially when the vibes make me feel like i've done something wrong. but i dont know yet vaguely might know what it is.

who knows? maybe i just wont turn up tomorrow and you wont even realise.

until the scissors are needed, that is.

or i will. and the silly smile that never quite reaches my eyes stays plastered on and raucous laughter spews from these lips and merry-making ensues. but the soul cries. oh it weeps. in recognition.

oh guesswork. why dont you try the below?
<[accidentally]3 lovehate

-anne

thankyou handsome (:

today was so fun!! the adrenaline rush from planning something and seeing all th little nitty gritty details come into fruition and seeing how everyone chips in to help, it's so gratifying and immensely satisfying. maybe i'll go into event planning next time woohooo :D

dance today was YAYNESS made tangible especially with the guys. HAHAHAH if there was someone willing to join me in rolling on the floor with mirth i think the concrete under blk A would be super clean now :D should have asked siti, after all, ROLLING'S HER FORTE :D

was reallyreally awesome to see everyone helping out, coming down despite their busy schedules, learn the not-so-easy dance (omg nigel and his partner who (which?) is really of some STANDard), make a mess out of styrofoam boxes, rehash all our wonderful orientation dancing memories (we should so recruit our subcomm yea XD XD XD), troop down to bedok and get all the loggy logs (thankyou jukie for coming even though you had yr h3 and yix samsoh ronal jayne too!). which reminds me i need to protect the cookies i brought home, my sister WANTED TO TEAR INTO THE BOX AND EAT THEM. :O

oh this is the stuff that holidays are made of! (nay, not dreams hilary) (i think i'm using parentheses too much)

much love and thanks to jayne weixian gohtian lei siti jukie grace xuewei mark yix gabriel ronald samyong samsoh nigel yongjing sisco muhd! really thank you for making time to come down in the midst of crazy trainings and so many other commitments. wednesday's going to be even greater fun (: and after which we delve right back into mugging. :O(

and yay i love this from gilmore girls!
Lorelai: I repeat my question. Why should we date?
Max: Because we're clearly attracted to each other.
Lorelai: Well, I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.
haha hilarious.

oh yay 6Q is love cant wait for fri and wed and thurs! :D

-anne

ignorance is bliss. that's a saying, whether you dispute the validity of it, remains true to me for now. precisely because i'm shutting out what you're trying to tell me that ignorance is not bliss, is itself an act of trying to be ignorant. it really does help. well i might seem like a turkey sticking her head into the sand, pretending the world around me is beautiful and nice, but it's not true. whatever the case, i wish life, relationships, matters could be simpler. no wonder babies are so happy. they hardly know anything. it can be an advice, or something that your close friend tells you. the intention could be good, wanting to help you change, learn, or be more aware, but the effect goes many ways. you can become stronger, change for the better, but deep inside, it was a stab. what makes that knife so sharp, is that it came from someone who meant something to you, someone who was/is close to you. so basically, things have been that way for a long time, it was just never said. it's scary, this feeling of being ignorant.yet precisely because i've learnt about stuff, about me, that i want to return to that blissful stage. you know, when everything really seemed fine. are they jealous of such ignorance? no they're not, continue believing that they have good intentions. i don' tknow, it's such a confusing world.

Pris

THIS IS FOR GRACE. FOR WHEN WE -
- WERE YOUNG AND INNOCENT
- WERE FULL OF NONSENSE
- HAD ALOT OF TIME
- THOUGHT WE WERE VERY KEWL
- WERE STILL ABLE TO WALK TO MRT TOGETHER

okay i shall quit the caps. oh the joys of packing to uncover dusty reams of memories!

i have a d8
at the mark8
we're meeting at the g8
i know it'll be gr8

i was almost l8
because of the jam at j8
the traffic was moving at a snail's r8
and so i w8 and w8

-interlude-

i got myself ready as b8
to ensnare a m8
the problem is not my w8
nor is it my character tr8s

- gr8ce + fatjojoh8d

alright! hahaha this reallyreallyreally made me feel really great. i mean gr8.

love hurts if you're hurt by love

once you've committed yourself to something, you're going to stick to it, no matter what happens. and when someone means so much to you, you end being so sensitive,and add to more hurt, to everyone, to the other party, to yourself.and then when you feel apologetic for being overly-sensitive, you end up irritating someone more and more. and then you realise you don't know how to get out of it. you want the best of both worlds, you become so self-centered, putting your problems in the limelight. when you become so reliant on something, someone, when you commit yourself to something that you've never tried before, to something that means so much to you, you end up feeling so lost too. it's so scary you know, when you can seem to be the most abundantly filled person, the most lucky person on earth, when you can feel so empty and void inside. or when you seem to be having the best of everything, the most joyful presence around, when you just don't know how to say, i'm just another human being too. and when you seem to let down that happy front, you upset others too, they wonder why you're like that now. so do ppl only like you for the bright colours that you paint all the time? what happens when you let them in to see your true colours? what if all along, you've been thinking too much. what if you're just making up all these false silly dumb ridiculous scenarios. and end up thinking so much that you ruin everything. and what if you keep everything inside, will they disappear? is there a way to flush out all unpleasant stuff? it's easy to say there is. i don't know. i'm sorry for everything. i don't even know why i'm sorry for. i don't even know why i'm saying sorry. maybe it's just a childish world i'm living in, and hoping to live in, where things always end up happily ever after.

Pris

dance night was good! but the company was LOVE (: WELLDONE LEIPINGPONGPIANG! (: we all lurbex eu beeg beeg dip dip worhx (: LEH FTW! hahahaha :D

Your loved ones

Why do we spend so much effort in thinking of the best way to celebrate our boy/girlfriend's birthday? Yet when it comes to Mother's Day they merely buy a commerically made cake, or let the date of Father's Day slip away?

Why do we msg and call, and long to see our other half so much and so frequently? But then bury ourselves in schoolwork, and careless talk on the computer locking ourselves from our parents, seldom ever asking them how their day was?

Why do we see no shame is saying 'I love you' a thousand times and more to that special one? Yet we cringe at the thought of embarrasing ourselves when we're told to say that same three words to our mum and dad?

It could be a simple handwritten card or a packet of sweets (sweetness that seeps into our hearts) yet we cherish it so much, we never let it leave out sight. But how about the food that is laid on our dinner table every night, or those clean bedsheets that we spend our nights on, or that very handphone you're using to msg your special one, have you say a word of thanks, shown abit of appreciation for the one who got all those stuff?

They all fall under the same category: your loved ones. Why then such diverse treatment?

Pris

it's so easy to get wrapped up in your own melancholic, worries-inundated, fearful world, thinking and wishing everything could go your way, and you had nothing to be upset about. it's so silly to envy others, when how do you know that others are not thinking the same way when they see you? i don't deny that blogs tend to be where i would turn to, if i want to vent out unpleasant emotions (anger, frustration, emptiness, loneliness, boredom). everyone does so.

we're becoming schizo ppl - a different face on and off the comp. it's becoming so easy to simply switch on the comp, blah out everything that is overwhemling inside you, switch off the comp, adjust your facial expressions, and live life 'happily ever after'. whenever something triggers and makes you upset again, you continue the same routine. well of course there are some who have really inspiring and thought-provoking blogs.

why don't we just share our problems with those around us? have we all become guilty of soaking up our own problems, that we've turned into people that no one can turn to? do we trust telling someone our true feelings? do we wonder if we might be infringing into the person's 'my time' by pouring out our sorrows? then what's the use of friendship if it can't even satisfy an individual's basic want to be loved and heard? or you could say that we exaggerate things on blogs. we take some minor issue, add lots of melodramatic expressions, and blow it up. are we?
or are we letting our true feelings take control? but then we fear people judging us when they read our blogs. we fear all the time don't we? live up to others' expectations, not losing our typical composure (except when with those really close ones).

life is tough. but then in what position can someone who has lived rather securely, loved by parents, well-fed, enjoying vacations, say such a thing? but that doesn't mean that we're not facing insignificant troubles. perhaps, as we always love to use moderations when asserting something, it is time for us to belittle our own problems, and YET not sink into a self-absorbed pit. how is that possible? if i knew the answer, i'll share one day. sometimes life feels purposeless, day by day we go about, studying, hanging around with friends, sleeping, complaining. work. and the same cycle goes about. is that why humans are meant to interact with each other to add colour to mutual lives? i really think so.

talking - i enjoy it. sometimes maybe talking too much isn't a good thing. but a world of silence, unimaginable. keep everything inside, judgments, criticisms, praises. just be yourself.

Pris

this blog has lapsed into an emo outlet! which is fine and dandy i guess but hmm it's funny how things just have a way of running their own course. which is further proof for me to STOP WORRYING AND OVER-THINKING and to leave everything into God's hands (:

you may read this and you may wonder if it's you and wonder you continue to do, but you'll never guess the quarts of tears you've made me shed over the words you said which i knew sprung up from the wellspring of your concern.

but God's sovereign and omnipotent, in a way i cannot grasp nor fathom. and it's time i let go of all my preoccupations with perceptions and to praypraypraypray that friendships can return to the way God wants it to be (:

and sometimes i just mask my shyness and fear of extraness by being aloof. cause when i'm aloof, you can't touch me, you can't pierce into my consciousness and you can't see that deep inside i'm trembling with fear from all the unspoken things that hang like a fog.

because you see, this girl has heart, but no mouth

ANYWAY! omggxxed this post was supposed to be inane and cheery not in the least bit reflective! so yea! i can't remember what the weeks have been up to, they've dealt with themselves very nicely and i dont feel like recounting them so peekchures! of our silly birthday outing to the ol' haunts of raffles girls (:

OMG! strawberry shortcake in the flesh! Her Royal Cuteness for the day, puff! (:

SEXY posing with strawberry

SULTRY posing with said strawberry

i hearts yuanz dipdip

strawberry shortcake and nye(hh)!

lynette who makes boyS heartS flutter oh yea <3

oh dear camwhoring ahead

and so we prattle along on the orchard streets

and gaily live our happy girl world (:

-anne

oceans will part, nations come

at the whisper of Your call

hope will rise, glory shown

in my life Your will be done

<3

absence makes the heart grow fonder. we always take the people the things the blessings surrounding us for granted. somehow we don't realise that our lives slowly and uknowingly get intertwined with all the things in this world. we find ourselves unable to extricate from the web, a mess if we were to try to pull those things that mean so much to us apart. but amidst that emptiness, the fleeting sense of loss, the foolish human desire to cling on to the last moments, you learn to appreciate what you already have even more. and for some unknown reason, thankfully, and hopefully, the absence never lasts for eternity. the whole cycle repeats itself in your life all the time, but we never learn to get over it, we simply yearn for that missing link once more. you spend so much time mulling over it, is it worth while? is it worth the time, the silly silent tears, the worries? at least one thing you gain from this: the missing gem's worth echoes much louder with its absence.

Pris

how far does being nice go?

to the extent that you feel SO ANGRY with friends but it always seems like IT'S YOUR FAULT and you APOLOGISE OVER AND OVER and you feel like A SCRUNCHED UP BALL

or to the extent that your views are NOT THEIR VIEWS and just because of that YOUR'E WRONG

or to the extent that you feel the need to MAKE THEM HAPPY ALL THE TIME, stick to THEIR EXPECTATIONS and NEVER SHOW when you're angry

or to the extent that you can only resort to CRYING HOT ANGRY TEARS and scribbling in your NOTEBOOK DURING LECTURES

how far does suanning go?

:( 2 disparate issues, worlds apart yet linked by the common thread of transition of rg into rj.

i really felt i could do something to change. to change the status quo and as they say "step out of my comfort zone". then i plummetted. cause i realised my comfort zone didn't just reside in myself, they weren't boundaries i drew out in my head. my comfort zone lay in those around me and whatever views they held, i'll be compelled to follow. for fear of either seeming too overeager, or for fear that no one would be my support. but 2 whole years in rj and it's going to whiz by like anything. 1 year and 4 months and still counting. would the 2 years even remain as something more than a distant memory in the years to come. would anything survive out of the classroom and the twists and turns of events that brought each and every one together? or would the status quo prove too easy to fall back on and everyone's just too shy, waiting on the world to change. hycritical may be the word of the day and i'm as guilty as charged for not stepping out. for not holding on to what i believe in, but rather, allowing what is to be expected, what those around say is normal to be my stand, when it's never been that way. i know i regret today. and the many yesterdays that have flown by. and i tell myself, do i want to regret the other tomorrows to come as well? will i just let them slip away into todays and yesterdays. the spirit is willing, but oh how the heart trembles with fear and cowardice and the knowledge that conformity is safe. ):

separately. i know i let my emotions yoyo me around and i retreat into my cave and push people away when the yoyo dips and falls. but i never wanted it to turn out this way. true, i never thought about what inaction could do, how unspoken words could be communicated as clearly and how our friendship was so important to me. but i never knew just how complicated things could be when you take what other people say into consideration even though you know it's not true. i've let their words rock my security, rock the sweetness of friendship. but i just cant seem to force the words from inside out to say sorry. for the times i've turned away and closed my eyes to hide to avoid people saying more than necessary. ):

-anne

WHAT THE PONGS!! why do things like these happen to me!

read: I LOCKED MYSELF INSIDE THE HOUSE -.-

so now i'm sitting infront of my comp trying to do work whilst bemoaning the the fact that i SHOULD BE AT CELL AND SPEEDLIGHT AND I'M MISSING OUT ON ALL THE FUN AND LEARNING AND HOLY COMMUNION AND THE SERMON >:( if there's a day when i need to knock some commonsense into my head instead of bumbling around today's the day.

it's amazingly ironic how much i want to be INSIDE the house when i'm locked outside and now how much i want to be OUT OF THE HOUSE when i'm locked inside. oh grah! and my room's locked with the keys and EVERY other thing that could occupy my attention like my dear Bible so now i've to settle for bumming around in the living room and checking if the kitchen is still unlocked. cause EVERY OTHER ROOM is locked as well. whatthepongggggggsssssssss.

and norman amanda and jess's reactions weren't exactly encouraging! -.-
norm: she what?! how did she do that!?! *HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*
jess: you what?! *HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH*
amanda: OMG joanne chan *HAHAHAHHAHHA*

NO SENSE OF SYMPATHY!!

BYE i'm off to contemplate my fate rawr >(

-anne

i've been drafting posts and requiems in my head but those can be tucked away for a little later.
all i want to say in its full exhibitionist glory is i'm realising just how delicious life is and how deliriously happy i've been since we came to the fork in the road. and sometimes, the urge to post exhibitionist photos is just too overwhelming for some, isn't it? like an arm accessory to be proudly displayed. but wellwell, the only realisation that cut through the thick was just how fun it has been without all the emotional strings and baggage. (:
and that, is not something to prove with photos. (:

don't say you love me;

-anne

more photos i found

p6gep girls during cny at sam's house!

take 5 photos!
haha a picture captures a thousand emotions

Pris

love at miss clarity's (: <33

first times new memories
ticktock springroll banana susu
banmian at scott's
meepok with chilli orange squash muahchee
squashing inanimate balls with animated characters
best friends hold on for life
cause they know they wont fall (:

-anne

djskfhasgcasybsdtc! i feel high one moment, insanely questionable the next, insecure in the following lapse of time then contented all over again. just add FLIPPING TIRED and FLIPPING RED AND SUNBURNT to the concoction and you have the winning combination tadahhh! well done. x_x

life after cts has been insanely packed ): even in the 2/3 days. sometimes i really want to delete every single commitment from my life and just be selfish, butt everyone out and say MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME i want time to myself only! haiZzZzZzZZxXxXxXxXx gayganz is a bad influence.

so. cts were Completely Traumatising. woohoo what's new! haha but i've been watching goong as my destressant ((: and it has completely 1) enhanced my multilingualism by 0.0005% 2)introduced me to another specimen of the T___, D___ and N__ S_ H______ species of which i am going to rid myself off SOON (: yay grace will be proud. " YOU MUST HARDEN YOUR HEART OR YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT! " i qouth and unqouth.

then on thurs had training for comps on sat at the ri field. it's synthetic grass! which gets stuck in yr shirt when you happily lie down and make you itch till the cows come home ): can faint the sun was like from the scene of every model chinese compo pls! total fulfilment of the feng he ri li criteria. so we all did horizontal and vertical stacks and baked happily like potatoes. yum

like our potato salad for bbq on fri! (: but before that was Good Friday service, which was really timely. life's been tough and sometimes all the various random ingredients that clutter the recipe for happiness just takes my attention away from God. and sometimes the entire feeling of being a misunderstood soul who holds the affections of people away from her at arm's length for fear of disappointing them or hurting them proves too overwhelming. ahwell. fri's mime was reallyreallyreallyreally good; reminded me of the true Reason for it all and how He's always always there for me and i dont have to worry about misconstrued notions and whatnot. Ray Boltz's watch the lamb is just an awesome song replete with meaning (: go youtube it and listen or smth!

right. so it was insane-ness trying to get all the food ready for bbq! to cut a longgg story short - food was great. ecp is insanely big; bigger than what singapore should be capable of. ants like raw chicken. playing frisbee facing the sea is Not A Good Idea. dont buy chickenwings based on the presumption that guys eat their weight - chickenwings are almost always left over - what am i saying, they ARE always leftover period haha. be a trendsetter and share your chickensausage/crabstick with someone - save food save the earth! and you may even end up getting your first kiss when your heads are oh-so-accidentally slammed into each other XD YAY for happy gullible boys! being at the breakwater IS romantic ogay? ogay. (:

then beach fiesta frisbee comps! which was the bomb. literally in terms of heat and killerness. runnign BAREFOOT on BAKING SIZZLING SAND is Never A Good Idea. we were foaming at the second game and i think the only reason why we even ran sometimes was just to pseudo achieve levitation for that miniscule moment and get off the sand. so hot la. and the amount of skin on parade was really quite obscene eww. but yay was very very fun! but my skin veryvery painful nowzz )): someone save me. )):

and i want to go science centre! it was supposed to be the HIGHLIGHT of the end of cts! D: sighs but when life throwns you a curveball you sigh accept it move on and then blame it on darn ol' Buble for making you so sway.

-anne

Sci vs God debate

Science vs. God

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ."

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?" "Yes sir," the student says. "So you believe in God?" "Absolutely." "Is God good?" "Sure! God's good." "Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?" "Yes." "Are you good or evil?" "The Bible says I'm evil." The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment.
"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?" "Yes sir, I would." "So you're good...!" "I wouldn't say that." "But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't." The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?" The student remains silent. "No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. "Let's start again, young fella Is God good?" "Er...yes," the student says. "Is Satan good?" The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No." "Then where does Satan come from?" The student : "From...God.." "That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?" "Yes, sir." "Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?" "Yes." "So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil." Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?" The student: "Yes." "So who created them?" The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?" The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do." The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?" "No sir. I've never seen Him" "Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?" "No, sir, I have not." "Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?" "No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't." "Yet you still believe in him?" "Yes." "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?" "Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith." "Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith." The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?" "Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat." "And is there such a thing as cold?" "Yes, son, there's cold too." "No sir, there isn't." The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it." Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer. "What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?" "Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?" "You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?" The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?" "Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed." The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it." "Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do"
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?" The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed. "Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teachingyour opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?" The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean." The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?" Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith." "Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?" Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil." To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

sometimes the ache to give expression to something that cannot be entirely crystallised into clear prose proves too overwhelming and the words just fall, pen to paper, emotions to words.

vertices, segments, points and lines
connecting us yet dividing so irrevocably as well
it's the dance of the numbers
questioning if our variables fitted together
in an equation
operations rule the day
dictating the direction we take
number segments regiment the distance between our
2 vertices
a sole point could have happily remained,
a coordinate in its own vast space
until you came and determined its position
relative to yours
just how mnay geometric shapes can a single vertex be part of?
one too mnay,
historically too uncanny.

You led the revolution, You left your legacy
Embraced the struggle in the face of mortality (:

-anne

it's been eons since i've last blogged and ahh time has just been a fleeting illusion to me these past few weeks haha ironic isn't it that EIGHTEEN YEARS has just flown by and it's only now that i realise time just ticktockticktocks its way away ):

but yay 18th on the 14th was AWZM! so borrow sean's phrase. (it means awesome btw :D)

and i really have so manymany people to thank for making it awesome i mean AWZM! haha but you all would have received personalised msges so yay haha :D and dont be like SAMPHUA who complains tt i daoed his msg for 14hours while i only daoed lenard's for 1.5 hours. haha that's cause i only started msging at 1030 AT NIGHT aka sacrificing super snuggly sleep :D

mm but yes thank you all so much reallyreallyreally made my day/year (:

didn't really take photos this year i think i'm falling out of love with the camera and phototaking. it's so troublesome! haha but yay LOVE to all <333


love at changi beach with awzm sparkler spelling (:

-anne

Some really nice friendship quotes that I stumbled upon...

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's nothing something you can be taught in school, but if you haven't learned the value of friendship, you haven't really learned anything at all"

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means you move on and treasure the memories."
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you."

"Many people will walk in and out of your life,But only true friends leave footprints in your heart"

Pris

from the heights of heavens to the depths of despair

thank God for girlfriends and IHB and 6Q and ^-^ (AHAHAHAHA) and tim and samoouueeell and sma and poxy and vivi and every single wonderful soul who's seen me through the depths of despair (:

but most importantly, thank God (: for always always always being there no matter how silly, deluded, emotional i was. (:

IHB FTW! except for ^-^ siwu ftl :D

-anne YAY!

and its gonna be alright
cause You are in my life
yes its gonna be alright
gonna be gonna be gonna be alright
and its gonna be alright
cause Jesus, You're my light
and You have shown me the way
All of my troubles, all of my life I give to You, my King!

it's been a whirlwind of a week and i remember how i started off with sunday in my prettypretty dress. and dino jerome and the like were all asking what the occasion was and i just remember saying that i had a crummy week so i wanted to wear prettypretty dresses to feel happy!

yea daft i know.

but! the curtain has fallen on the final scene and its lead actor and actress has just dispersed, off to navigate their own way out of the bright spotlights. encores are adamantly ignored for the betterment of all.

once broken considered sold.

just how many have i bought or sold. yet it doesn't matter cause thankfully, it's finally through, it's finally over and i dont have to play games anymore.

and i think a name revision may be in place! iABC! i abhor b club! sounds catchy, no? :D

lyrics make my day (:

she said I'm sorry for the way
I've been livin' my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

-anne

The idea of a clique

Can make one feel so sick

Cos right from the start you pick

The same people with whom you'll always have to stick

i thought i let go that day

and why cant i just listen to the countless good advice dished, strewn, thrown in my face and hold out for a hero

cause you're the master baiter and i'm snagged on your line

joanne chan isn't a noob

but she's a real idiot sometimes

-anne

if i kissed you
would fireworks fly
would angels sing with lollipops
would dinosaurs cry
would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
if i kissed you

if you read my eyes and i read yours,
the whole symphony of our communication would drown out the words we were singing
sometimes the intensity and sudden fluctuations of my emotions scare me

say what's in your eyes
so we can stop this game

-anne

“He that lives upon hope will die fasting.” Benjamin Franklin

haha food for thought. first day of school, well it has been a breeze, meaning that work has piled on us so fast, it just seems as if time has wings, and the holidays were merely a figment of our imagination. A lvls this year, a year of abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz bleargh.

Pris

And I thought I was getting my heart back

Tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle now it’s straddled between my head and my hand

It’s 2008 and I don’t feel like blogging anymore next year. and quitting the whole online scene all together.

And I sat there with my phone thinking about how I was going to anchor my heart down and how you were moody and how I couldn’t help and how terrible that felt. Maybe telepathic hugs are transmittable.

please ):

-anne

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again

Why am I smiling
And why do I sing?
Why does September seem sunny as spring?
Why do I get up each morning and start?
Happy and head up with joy in my heart?
Why is each new task a trifle to do?
Because I am living a life full of you (and You) (:

taking for granted

you don't realise how important your closest loved ones are to you, how you always depend on them for the nitty-gritty stuff, how your life can feel so empty and quiet without them, until they just disappear. at least it might only be temporary this time, so there's still chance to make up, but what if you had your last chance already?

Pris

joanne chan, heed good advice and

i'm dead tired of and from orientation, it's so draining and i'm as tired as pips the blood has drained from my lips. i'm being incoherent but whatever this post was meant for me to understand and remember stuff.

talking to sma is good haha makes me happy shalalala! but i'm not going to let myself be moved more than necessary cause well, cause tremours and the aftershocks they wreak havoc of a magnitude unrecorded on the richter scale. ):

this sounds really catchy but really harsh and sad too. here is the door, step out of my life. SO EMO RIGHT! nono i'm not emo, just that i'm good at coming up with catchy uh catchphrases :D

the more i think about it, the deeper i excavate, the more i find myself deviating from what seems to be your perfect girl

but fatjojohead is here to stay and stay true to herself she will cause she's going to

hold out for a hero

no mo' emo nemo! (: the many things to say, the many happy things to un-emofy this space after chang's timely reminder and markypoo's wonderful assurances!

but waitswaits no times no times! so this will be short and inane. but YAY 6q Christmas dinner coming good food + awesome company = UNFORGETTABLE! but i still think we're super mean if we all get treated la SAMSOH you! TSK BOONLAY AH. :D

anyway. my mommy wants to get electronic backup of all out old photos haha so was sorting through all the photos and look what the years have done to my sister and i. HAI. haha we're super cute la! :D:D:D oh the bygone days of cute unglamness (:

twas after some prize presentation i think in like kindergarten! haha evidently already in the business of acting cute OOPS :D

-anne

a guy who makes you cry is not worth your tears.

oh man it's the sweetest thing i've heard today (:

and i'm just so sorry. there's so many things i want to say, so many things i want my actions to speak so loudly to you. but i'm just so scared and so unsure and so worried it'll all be so extra.

expectations are good in their own right but sometimes the higher you dream the harder you fall.

and i know it's been really childish of me, but she's everything i'm not, and sometimes it seems we're on totally different planes of existance.

3 more chances for me to right it all after dryrun2. and i pray i'll stop screwing things up ):

pris' no. 10 never seems to be advice come a little too late.

and how i wish i'll just get under all my layers of onion-ness and unease and shyness and abcdefgness and know what to do whenever you're around. sometimes i wonder if i'm just daft, those i love, they'll never know because they are privy to a whole host of weird treatments to cover up the very fact they mean so much to me. maybe the insecurity of not knowing how you feel tips the balance overly.

oh well.

oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my ways,
even when i fail You,
i know You love me.
i know You love me

-anne

Never say never

Across these couple weeks of the holidays, just did some reflection, thought about the year that had slipped through my fingertips, and came to these few conclusions:

Never assume that something wouldn't ever happen to you, it will strike you when you least expect it.
Never think that you can stand alone, maybe one day you just need someone to prop you up
Never say that you wouldn't feel lost or confused or helpless (sth you wouldn't want to admit), without first letting yourself into such a situation
Never be indecisive, it's bad bad just very bad for all
Never abandon your friends (the close ones, the true ones that is) for you will always need them, even if you think you've found someone to replace all
Never assume that your friend who has lost touch with you for ages, has forgotten you, he/she might just be thinking the same way
Never feel embarrassed to show appreciation, to reveal your care and concern for your loved one, you don't know when it's too late
Never ignore msgs, replying late is bad enough, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end
Never put your hope in promises, it could be people you think would never fail you, but you never know
Never lose your heart completely to another person, it's only when you experience this when you know you really never ever want to feel this way.

Can't think of anymore, will add on if i can.

Pris

P.S. Don't continue chasing after things or people if they are not meant to be. Perhaps it was just an evanescent tingling of the heart

Christmas joy

I'm pretty sure no one can disagree that the end of December, which heralds Christmas, is a pretty joyful season. Be it in the shopping malls, or back at home, or even along the streets, Christmas is here to stay for these few weeks. So what exactly is it about Christmas that makes one happy? Receiving presents that you have been longing for? Meeting up with friends and family whom you haven't seen for ages? Taking a good break from the work that has been clinging on to you? Simply indulging in your sweet delicacies and logcakes? Camwhoring amidst the Christmas lightings along orchard road? Finding an opportunity to make new year resolutions? Sharing a quiet special moment with your loved one?

Or

Remembering that Christ is the reason for the season.

It might be a mishmash of all those reasons. Commercialisation working in tandem with the church cause, or could it be gradually stealing the latter's limelight? Maybe it really boils down to what the individual thinks is making him or her so happy in the days to come. This blog wouldn't try to brainwash anyone, regardless of your religious denomination, but i personally believe that it is also because of the true reason for this season that there are so many other reasons for us to cheer about, to rejoice over, to share the joy of the season with. When you find the true source of happiness, there you will find many springs many wells of happiness waiting to be uncovered. It's not too late to find out the true reason of Christmas. Share with your loved ones, spread to strangers, God Bless everyone this christmas!

Pris

Everyone needs Someone

Just wanted to share this really lovely poem by Helen Steiner Rice

People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love of a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldy fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And hols us close in their thoughts and prayers -
For only the knowledge that we're understood
makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we lock up our hearts and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

Pris

yay. fine and dandy, wrapped and packaged from kl. (: just got back today, am super tired. and shopping is the bomb! it drains every ounce of energy and complicates matters by imposing shoppers' guilt and faitgue. oh the tangled webs of pleasure we weave!

je suis tres desolee, mais je ne comprend pas.

i think my conjugation's abit off. but yeah the essence is there!

and i think i've returned to a world turned upside down. inside out. msn convos are scaring me. especially when it's not a self-contained quarantined weirdness. :S

-anne

YAY. rekindle retreat is the bombzz yo!

but now i'm sick.

even after being lovingly sponged down last night and showered with the manymanymany love from ushers, eueu, van, premature boyfriend HAHA. yay i love you all alot for making retreat so special; allowing us to grow closer spiritually and emotionally. (: even if i've been a walking bag of germs :D

i'm freezing now. my head is throbbing, my nose is leaking and i'm whining at the computer. D: i think my fever's acting up again. which accounts for the lack of coherence.

so toodles while i scoot off to my bed&bath (: will blog more when i'm in a more stable state of mind!

-anne

my life has never been this clear
now i know the reason why i'm here
you never know why you're alive
until you know what you would die for

certain events with certain people have just rattled the cage and stirred things deep inside of me. and it's made me feel like a trussed up chicken squawking away and tussling with the strings that cut deep into where it hurts the most.

and Pastor Pacer's sermon on sunday was really apt, it was as though God was really just speaking straight to my heart, unwrapping all the cutting, tangled strings of confusion, hurt, passion and anger. scoff all you want and be cynical, but i believe and know that Jesus is real to me. conviction in action, i'm going to contend for my faith.

it's times like these when the line between tact, sensitivity and conviction just seems to double-cross itself. and as i reflect on the occasions where words arose in my mouth to defend, it would remain lodged between my heart and my mouth for fear of crossing that same dubious line into tactlessness and insensitivity. but consider it from another point of view, have you gallantly stridden across the very divide as well?

the closest way to encapsulate all i've been feeling is in this tidy package i've unearthed from my diary.

"and i've got to realise that i cannot please everyone and that i have a right to hold my opinion on matters. I believe and know that Jesus is God and the one and only Lord of lords. there's a fine line between insensitivity to others and standing by what you believe in. and in the face of strong opposition and personality, it's been just too easy to err on the side of caution. but i'm entitled to what i believe in and it's just going to show in my attitude, in my words and in my life. i'm not going to compromise myself and Jesus again for the opinions of others. and by the grace of God, may i still exhibit sensitivity to others while upholding my faith."

mmhm.

on the walk to school today, with mercyme playing in my ears and the wind tousling my hair back from my face, it was just so peaceful. so serene. and i could just feel God drawing me closer to Him, even though i've strayed and tried to rely on my own insignificant strength over and over again. He's always been there, just waiting and loving. loving with a magnitude this heart can never fully grasp. it's just His reassurance that i don't have to feel this confused, this convoluted and that i can just entrust it all to Him. even when the words of those i treasure may splice through me like a blade, it's nothing compared to the agony He went through, punctuated by the nailprints in His hands.

there. (:

-anne

and i know that i can find You here
'cause You promised me You'll always be there
times like these, it's hard to see
but somehow i have a peace, You're near
and i pray that You will use my life
in whatever way Your name is glorified
even if surrendering,
means leaving everything behind

on another note, here's to morning calls and sleepy yawns (: