how do you spell post-As in just 7 letters? (i had to use my fingers omg its should be 10 letters : r.e.g.r.e.s.s.i.o.n. instead)

M A D N E S S is how you'll spell it! but it's pure unadulterated fun (:

so. i dont care if this is exhibitionistic i'm going to recount all the days! haha cause my mommy just came back from her church resort camp and asked me what i've been up to and i could barely recall. oh dear mental regression is looking more and more like an apt description of post-As haha.

tues: the start of WHEEEEEEEE fun! hung around with siti lei grace jukie yay to grace and siti who sacrificed studying time to eat in the DESERTED canteen. whoa rj people either really know how to 1) party or 2) hide away studying. summary of the whole hour: we talked alot of rubbish. YAY! then we had pre-practice dance practice with juks and lei woohoo where there was this collumbarium man who was very amused EH FREE (AND GOOD) ENTERTAINMENT OKAY!

okay this is getting a little dry i dont think anyone wants to wade through chunks of text anyway. so uh okay then here goes. swenson's. ZAC EFRON. HSM3. i took a photo with zac! honest to goodness, i shall post it up soon. he was positively BEAMING. :D newton's. good food yumyum. random toilets with ANIMATED MIRRORS. lei and i wasted 5 minutes of our lives staring at it as it changed hahaha.

wed: spent the whole day at my grandparents' house! (((: made me feel really bad for not having spent more time with them so i promised to come kachiao them more. and my ahgong's so cute, we were comparing who's a bigger fan tong and he said he used to be able to eat 3 bowls of rice. then i told him i'll match him during dinner, then he laughed. okay doesnt sound funny but it was! for the record, i DID eat 3 bowls of rice :D woohoo fan tong ftw

thurs: makan date with lynette! ((: i know guidelines of ogl specifically highlighted NO FAVOURITISM but hey you dont begrudge a girl her few momentos from orientation do you. nette yen ygb6 ftw! few i stress. hahah okay joke ah joke ah. woohoo we traversed thomson ate at this really quaint restaurant and had cheese brownies!

then oh! class dinner at breeks the food was not bad and hahaha it was hilarious omg must remember all the quotable quotes!

(hello lei i ripped this off yr blog hope you dont mind ah :D)

after we've been shown to a table and grace was squeezed into the corner seat..

lei: did we say table for 13 or table for 5?

waiter to siti: can i clear this?

siti: oh yeah sure

grace: eh no. i want the carrots

everyone: MIRROR FACE. PAK JIAO FACE. i dont care everybody gave grace the mirror face okay

and we gave jukie her coffee-themed present! :D sorry i said the taboo word ): sorry jukie dont ask ahem ahem ahem and ahem to come after me okay ):

sorry i was quite snappish near the end of diner ): wanted to get home to my daddy fast cause he was home alone. and eh THANKYOU LEI for being underdressed together hahahah we both looked like going to beach ((:

fri: omg. totally too many things packed into one day. my head weakly waved a white flag, surrendered, caved in like a bad souffle and gave me the worst (or best, depending if you're me or my head) headache when i came home ): but well! dance in the morn HAHAHHAAHHAHA juks :O ;) :) :x okay emotes speak a thousand words. malehsia is so passe alr please HAHAH yes im talking about holiday destinations.

finally met up with markypoo! YAY \o/ were supposed to be random and go on makan trail so he nicely came over to rj and we went thomson again! hahah had ms clarity's oh my the bread pudding is simply divine. and the main course was pretty good too roasted chicken stuffed with shitake mushrooms yum. yayyy nice treat ((: then we realised we were too full so our makan trail only had one stop oops. then we went botanical gardens!!!!1111oneone had the most gorgeous time walking around, threatening to topple people into ponds, lying on the grass, feeding fishes and swans (lei! swan-powered batteries!), taking a million photos. (:

NOT MY IDEA! hahaha

swanie swan. like gownie gown. and yamie yam.

then had dinner and chatting session with ahgong and ahma before heading to church for camp prayer session (: really hope camp this year will be really good, and its like its building up to be one; where God can freely move and touch all of us over and over, and over again (: then went home and curled on the bed talking to daddy before getting sidetracked online again haha

sat: MOMMY AND MEIMEI ARE BACK! okay and so we're off to eat dinner soon so bai (:

today,

was simply divine (:

WOOHOOOOOO TO DAYS AND MONTHS ON END OF AWESOME HAPPY FUN!

Thank God for just bringing all of us through the entire period and for proving that He is in deed, greater than all things material. (:

"The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." - psalm 121: 7 -8

i was thinking. if our lives were like HSM (!!!!!!), this would be the script for tmr:

at 8.59, everyone hecks the MCQ, stares at the clock and goes 16... 16.. 16.. more minutes..

at 9.13, we all whisper conspiratorically under bated breath, summer... summer... summer...

at 9.15, when the bell goes off (yes there will be a bell just for us) the teachers and invigilators all conveniently fade into oblivion and we
1) throw all our papers into the air
2) jump onto the tables and
3) start gyrating wildly to music over the PA system
everyone miraculously knows the song and the dance moves woohoo

but instead of All For One, we're probably going to croon along to As For All! oh yeah oh yeah

if you didn't get any of the MANY HSM references, tooo baddddd i told you to watch hsm alr! :D

HSM3 IS THE ABSOLUTE LOVE <3

except for stooopz zhaogeng queen! hahahahah

right here, i promise you somehow
that tomorrow can wait
for some other day to be
but right now there's you and me

awwwww (:

until i figure out how to put songs/videos you'll have to do the work yourselves!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW-1Ytwn4a4&feature=related

AND

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD7iJb9Hl70&feature=channel

dont be silly and not watch them k. CONFIRM CHOPSTAMP GUARANTEE WILL MAKE YOUR DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!*



*manymanymany terms and conditions and legalese in fine print apply

when the As finally end, i'm going to get re-acquainted with myself (:

i hope i have a good time

slipping sliding twisting turning
little rivulets shot through the heart with tints of red
and flecks of gold
plip plop splish splash
framed against dark mahogany
and streaks of silver

i like nights that dont really feel like nights; like it's a neverending twilight

have you ever seen something so beautiful that there's this queer ache inside of you?

ctrl s

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. - Michael J. Fox

amen and so the As are best left in His capable hands (:

and awwww markypoo is the bestestestestest cant wait for As to end and catch up over b&j! yayy haha anneth and marketh ftw the past never really does let us out of its sight sometimes; which mayn't be a very bad thing sometimes (:

SEA HIST IS OVERRRRR! :D

i was trying to shake all the seahist info out of my head i hope they all come out of my ears and make space for geepeemathphysicschemihist woooohooooo!

and today lei and i were feeling so proud of ourselves for having conquered history and having survived without emerging with our finger bones splintered that we spent a good hour in the library doing nothing!

nothing in this context is doing something extremely fun but with no apparent benefits for the upcoming As. who cares john lennon says time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted! good one

hahahahahahahahaha green and orange rankings ah! DONT HAVE FIFTEEN LORH! anyhow me hahahah <33 i love times like these ((:

heres what little kids think love is.
1. when my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love . Rebecca - age 8
2. when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4
3. love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell eachother. Kari - age 5
4. love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6
5. love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4
6. love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy, and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7.
7. love is when you kiss all the time. then, when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. my mommy and daddy are like that. they look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8
8. love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening the presents and listen. Bobby - age 7
9. if you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate. Nikki - age 6
10. love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it everyday. Noelle - age 7
11. love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6
12. during my piano recital, i was on stage and i was scared. i looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. he was the only one doing that. i wasn't scared anymore. cindy - age 8
13. my mommy loves me more than anybody. you don't see any one else kissing me to sleep at night. Claire - age 6
14. love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5
15. love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he's more handsomer than Robert Redford. chris - age 7
16. love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann - age 4
17. when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen - age 7
18. love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think that it's gross. Mark - age 6
19. you really shouldn't say " i love you " unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it alot. people forget. Jessica

awwwwwwwww (:

Something to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now


before I fall in love

SIGH SWOON SO SERIOUSLY SPERFECT SHO SKUTE

sorry if you were expecting some more intellectual stuff haha actually yes this is very intellectual dont ask me why you have to figure it out on your own or else it wont be intellectual anymore would it? :D

when he started on bet on it my sis and i were like WOAHHHHHHHHHH *.*

hahaha and this totally sums up msn

] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
talk nonsense with me
] β ○ ъ Â и Ģ ǖ š [[ 55.5 Gang] <> says:
quick we're really good at talking nonsense
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
noope
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
YOURE' really good at talking nonsense
fatjojohead* AWWWWWWWW says:
I'M really good at tolerating nonsense

hahahaha okay back to http://images.google.com.sg/images?gbv=2&hl=en&q=zac+efron+hsm :D

HSM 3 OPENED TODAY!

only preponderant thought on my mind now is

LET'S GO WATCH! hahaha A's shouldn't have the pleasure of ursurping my entire life

everybody please go watch this work of art okay! and listen to grammy award winning singing (by zac efron) and oscar award winning acting (by zac efron)

today we had an intellectual discussion at recess about whether zacefron really sang or not. and the only logical conclusion is YES OF COURSE HE SANG DO YOU NEED TO ASK reallyreally! i can furnish you with details!

and dinner@rpa (ohh it changed into a link!) haha was good times too. i cannot remember why we were laughing so muich, but it sure felt good haha 'cause when you study history it's veryvery hard to find anything to laugh about. cause people are either lynching each other/the government, squabbling about policies, or running headlong into parang-wielding kommunists.

okay maybe not.

in any case JIAYOU EVERYBODY! it's really the last lap and we're all going to finish this race strong and as a team! (: with God to guide the way (:

/edit: ooh look at this! http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2007/10/how-to-make-macarons-recipe.html this calls for mega baking session after As!

i went to see a doctor today, and as i was in sch u, he randomly asked me when my A levels was. I replied 'one week'. Gg i just realised how soon the test of our life, the turning point that could determine the rest of our lives, the end of the race that we had been running for months is in just 1 week time.

phailz. only ygb6. phailz. whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

i told myself i could watch a movie if i studied till 8

i studied till 720

so i watched uptown girls

but left out the credits (cause afterall, 720's not 8)

and it made me cry

but in a nice way (:

i hate it when i become sarcastic :'(

how come one mistake can continue to haunt for so long?

i wrote this in a totally different context yet it seems so aptly fitting for now

and so i'm just a face with a ruined name with apparent ties to a compass who oh! probably stalks chases and follows every single link and direction the compass points in

why? :'(

i'm plodding through history like an elephant plodding through ear-high mud. sticky mud. coagulated mud.

i've studied:
- at my desk
- sitting on my bed
- lying on my bed
- standing at the piano
- sprawled on the floor
- while watching zack and cody

i'm running out of ways to keep myself amused while STUDYING HISTORY rarrr. and i'm studying in school tmr! which only allows me to study in the first manner; which is the only dignified pose in the entire list i realise. haha which reminds me!!

i'm going to go chope MY TABLE tmr woohooo. i hope i remember to :D i hope taufik has written my name on the table. MY table! haha

okay i'm going to eat dinner and mango sorbet yum

if you dont see me studying tmr in a dignified pose, please whack me.

softly :D

live, learn.

ANNE OH.

this is to commemorate the episode of the poisoned pear. please observe a moment of silence.

emo shot #1 - grace eats her pear and her peers mope about

emo shot #2 - "arghh!! the pear...poisoned... adshkerfscn"

emo shot #3 - juks: hurry behead her, it will lessen the pain! joanne: noooooo! i cant bring myself to do it! grace: *dying*

emo shot #4 - goodbye grace....

emo shot #5 - the end... :'(

photos and captions all courtesy of juks :D wahahahaha WE should be the real scriptwriters behind all tearjerkers from now on :D

there is so much i can say, but words get in the way so-

i found the perfect graduation song! i will remember you by ryan cabrera :D and in the midst of egging someone on as a music pirate :D ryan cabrera's appearing alot in my playlists now. listen to true! and john mayer's no such thing is EXTREMELY apt for now.

-some day you'll turn your radio on, i hope it takes you back to that place

yay i love markypoo-meepok with chilli-top b&j buddy! it seems just yesterday when i was reading all of his infinitely many journals (!) and he was swinging his waterbottle as a light sabre above my head. 6 years and back, just like that.

-but in a box beneath my bed, is a letter that you never read from three summers back

it's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet-

-and looking back on all of that





it's nice to believe-

U-Ni Go away
Applications another day
I just want my fun and play
Oh please shoo away
:(
I guess when we finally realise that our 2 years of transition in rjc has finally come to a somewhat official close, we're no longer students, teenagers who still need to be prodded to hand up our homework or to listen to the teacher. We're standing on the brink of becoming an adult, one who exercise his decision-making skills with ease and confidence (an assumed fact that does not seem to hold true for both of us) and one who is ready to leave his next. Is 18 really that old? Maybe I'm just too used to being taken care of, living a sheltered life. It just seems that a few hours of mulling over an essay, a few weeks of mind boggling applications would determine the rest of our life - our course of study, our career, our place in society, and who we are. I don't like making decisions. And ya I agree that we have been ingrained with this mindset that well surely we deserve the best? or at least near the best? surely we would be qualified to get into this and this? but when the awful reality sets in, when someone has to deliver the hammer, as mentioned by Professor X, it hurts and freaks us out. Have I been living in my own world? a world of comfort, predictability, love and fun? Regret can be an awful feeling to plague the rest of your life. But what if trying out a new experience ends up leaving you with one of the worst memories in your life? what is worse? leaving with tangible awful memories or foresaking the intangible wonderful visions? and sigh back to juggling between the many things that all seem so impt.

so this was how we all started. how will we end?

It’s been 18 years and counting. 18 years; or 6805 days, 20 hours, 5 minutes and counting. And now it seems like I’m just standing on the brink of a great unknown. The horizon’s so wide, the possibilities are endless, and it’s only now that I realise just how vastly small my decision may seem to the world but is probably one of the greatest decisions I’ve to make. Ever.

Even as I’m sitting here and typing this, I’m beginning to get cold feet and I wonder if my life is really working out in the way God would have wanted it.

What if I had never joined the gep. What if I had gone to dunman, I would most probably be in vj now, and maybe, who knows, maybe still with you. It was that sole decision in p6 that small utterance when mommy stood in the doorway of the morning we had to decide the top 3 choices that set me on the path to rg, to rj and now, where?

I look at the array of colleges, universities and just CHOICES that are waiting to be made and I wish with all my heart that I know for sure what I’m doing. Where should a humanities heart and a science mind go? And where do I go where I can still follow God’s plan for my life? And where can I go where I wont have JUST only a career for the rest of my life?

I never was good at making decisions, unless the answer was as clear as day. Pongs, I cant even decide what to eat for breakfast most of the time. I simply reach into the cupboard and hope that whatever comes out is something exciting. If not I fish around again. This isn’t really going to stand me in good stead now is it?

The sheer independency of going overseas and the utter MATUREDNESS of it don’t seem to be what I can manage. But something in me wants to try, wants to give it my best shot and PRAY and hope that it’ll be the best deicion I can make. Maybe the elite in me is too fully nurtured, maybe I think that by staying I’m not giving myself the best chance that all along has been handed on a platter to me.

Would I be able to give up all the many, infinitely many roots I’ve put out on this very soil. Plants can be grafted sure, transferred from one place to another. But pull off too many of their roots and you just see what happens. Would I keel over and just wilt?

Maybe it’s like the better decision made of the worse choices. Either I die from the sense of uprootedness, or forever be haunted by the knowledge that I didn’t try.

I feel like my mind is expanding, beyond its little walls, that though were restrictive, were at least familiar and cosy. It feels irreversible, like it’s ME in the WORLD. No longer just ME in RJC.

I will blatantly admit that I’m scared, and I’m unsure and I’m confused. But most importantly, I acknowledge just how much I cannot know, and how much God can. For it is in my weakness that He is made strong.

So let go and let God.

giving gifts

In a dark, untouched corner I kept this box of mine
Never opened, never stirred, left it waiting for years
Then one day someone took my hand
And gently opened up that box of mine
I started to discover that I had so much to give away
Once stored safe inside this box
A parcel of joy, a collection of blessings, a spoonful of saccharine sweetness
A spread of letters all penned with my thoughts (personal thoughts)
A musical box that whiled time away
This box did not seem to have a bottom
I could give (away) and give (in) and maybe in the end give (up)
Then slowly I realised it did have a bottom
A bottom I was trying to create
I wanted to stop giving, be selfish and mean
To stop myself from getting hurt
Why should I keep giving my things away
It’s mine and mine alone
But that person seem to warrant those things
The care and concern and silly little things I made
I stretched my neck, and extended my hand
I wanted to take something back from that person’s box
Maybe I did take some, but it didn’t’ seem enough for me
It didn’t seem to satisfy my inner desires
A teaspoonful of thought,
a miniscule stopwatch (that stopped time from flowing on and on)
Then we argued over each other’s box
Then I wondered maybe I should have never shared those things of mine
Maybe I should have waited to open the box later on
Maybe things might not have been the same
Maybe right now, we’re both bound by chains,
Chains that neither of us can break
It’s stopping you from giving your all
And now
Maybe I should also stop myself from emptying out my box

One year.

P.S. Really this is just a bottle of bottled up thoughts, don’t pry, don’t ask, I like to just say it out, and full stop.

ey says this blog is full of emo posts. ironically he told me over msn. ironic because i'm starting to not like msn. one only need wonder how many emo posts have been INSPIRED by msn. which is funny again when you think of how our very first argument was over my adamant decision not to use msn, which i finally did, which is another funny thing.

the waiting, the double-clicking, the clickclackclickityclack, the furious backspacing, clickclackclickityclack, backspacing, backspacing, backspacing

what a funny thing

12 there was you, 34 closed the door, 56 splintered red, 78 too little too late

you come creeping in at the most untimely of moments

a most uninvited, but yet wholly welcomed intruder into my innermost thoughts

oh bugger
-
maybe all i want to do is go back to 2006

waiting

i waited one year
then ten years
a life time
i looked out of the window
admired the nightsky
followed the stars
thought that they would lead me
to the right one

but i waited
and waited
yet the right one never seem to come
the one who cared
the one who listened
the one who spoke with tender words
the one who knew my heart's desire
(the one who dried my tears, not make me tear)

i looked out of the window
longingly
for a long long time
i dreamt of pretty things
carrying me away
but it never seem to come true
i felt saddened, i felt abandoned

i had waited
and waited
in vain

then i decided to turn away
and look within for the very first time
(or maybe i had looked this way before,
but my heart was always turning outside)
then i realised i wasn't the only one who waited

She waited one year
and ten years
a lifetime
as I looked out of the window

She looked upon me longingly
tenderly, with all the care
Behind my back, she watched over me
Within her heart she cried, when i cried
She listened every word I said,
but i was straining my ear for that voice from outside

And this story repeats itself,
generation after generation

We wait and wait
one year
ten years
a lifetime

Don't wait
till it's too late
just to keep looking for that 'soulmate'
and leave her or him to wait.

a distinct sense of discomfort permeates
rankling just beneath the skin
small stabs of pain that prick at the soft muscle
and so you do what you are famed for
wrapping one, no two, nay three layers of sheen over
the foreign object lodged within
protection you say, from all that hurts!
the tides ebb and flow
and the layers increase with its passing
behold! Its layers of lustre, the stratums of shine
then you realise too late,
with a vague sense of unfeelingness
that you no longer have a heart




for it’s encased in pearl
-

woe to that day if it ever comes, and i pray it never will. a moment of hurt is one thing, but a lifetime of unfeelingness is quite a horror altogether

YAYYYYYY! 3 more papers only! haha acktooaally ah it doesn't really matter to me already cause now i just come home and sleep, then study till 7 (I'VE IMPROVED!) and then woohoo it's ME TIME!

i know why i'm so happy :D haha cause i reread the tags on the tagboard and they were so hilarious they removed every single blight the exams have posed as (:

love to friends <33333.14

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

i'm learning my lesson. that sometimes we can't love only those who love us. I fail and i fall and i keep falling short of the standards set. But by the grace of God and with His strength, i'm going to start loving everyone that comes into my life and treating them not in response to how they treat me but how Jesus would treat them (:


haha i was going to sign off UNTIL I REMEMBERED hahahahah okay toodles!

z0mg. there're a billion things nicer to talk about, to post about, to wax lyrical over. but mugging [no not studying, even less so learning] just drains all my inspiration a w a y and i dont even mug after 6 -.-

friday is insanity squeezed, distilled and concentrated in its truest form. hyperbole eh.

cannot.wait.for.end.of.friday. then saturday brings love's labour's lost!! i'm so excited now, it's been eons since i last watched a play. cause NOONE wanted to watch dimsum dollies ): yay play prelims go away! woohoo my language skillz is teh proz.

haha from now on we're both not going to sign off so go figure who's who.



and it's hard to traverse between-


this post is so pessimistic ):

sept 6

i don't really get it.did community service in the past 2 years?served the school as a leader in any way?performed exceedingly well in a sport?aced your childhood away?picked up any skills outside of sch?travelled abroad to help others?must we always use such yardsticks to determine the worth of a person?maybe i'm speaking from a position that is quite sparse in all these areas, achievements/accomplishments/noteworthy points so to speak. this sounds selfish, self-centered, narrow-minded, but then why can't we live for ourselves? you shd start judging people based on what they desire to achieve, what suits them in their own individual shell, not take society's absurb measurements and forcefully thrust upon them. it could determine their future, their career, their life. if i like spending my days at home just mulling over stuff, not seeing a need to interact with the old folks simply for the sake of CIP hours, but instead spending precious time with my loved ones, am i to be faulted? if i like to take up a sport, but not excel in it simply because i'm not a competitive person, does it mean i'm less worthy than those flaunting gold medals? ok granted, and definitely we shd applaud, those who are able to juggle good grades, recognisable sporting achievements, contributions to the community's overall welfare, making a point to lead others (not everyone is born a leader btw, or else where shall the followers hail from), yes yes really remarkable achievement i shd say. but that doesn't mean others are anything less worthy. well it seems that character, and more intangible parts of a person are gradually getting recognised as worthy too, but this recognition remains a far cry from what the person truly deserves. i dont' know, just random ramblings, ok back to mugging (one of the yardsticks we're all hoping to excel at least- get good grades).

JJJJJOOOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE

too many choices

i'm going to spare about 5 mins from this crazy mugging period to just say sth that has been on my mind for some time. choices. i realised that with the explosion of choices available to us, each day, as we grow older (and supposedly wiser), it seems like our decision making skills are becoming lousier. or at least for me, a person who's super indecisive. in econs terms, every individual makes choices, weighing the opportunity costs (the value of foregone alternatives) against the benefits accrued. it has been ingrained in us so deeply, that we fail to realise it. when choosing the course to take, when thinking about uni applications, when falling in love and wondering whether the person we've chosen is the right one, when deciding what to eat for lunch, when thinking about the regrets that we might have to bear if we take the wrong path in our future careers. so many options now, and yet so many pitfalls for regrets as well. well come to think of it, the very fact that i'm taking out 10 mins now of my mugging time, is also another opportunity cost, or is it. it's sad that we're always trying to find the best for ourselves, well it's not wrong, but it gets tiring, too rational, too grown up. i want to be like a child, where decisions were made and paths paved for me. but is it really a more attractive alternative? imagine living without a choice, that goes back to the days of our grandparents. maybe. and i read somewhere that says, when you've so many choices, even after you've made the best one in ur opinion, you wouldn't enjoy it so much because of the thought of all the lost options in the process of havin to pick one. such a confusing world. oh well, back to mugging. i'm still perplexed with making decisions.

am i pretty?
it's such a shallow thing to ask.
it puts the person subject to such a question in a really tough position.
it's something deep down probably would have crossed one's mind.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. yes true, but society's lenses has kind of narrowed to a specific category of characteristics of what beauty entails. it's like a checklist that contitues a pretty person. and we can't help it, as much as we don't like to be judged this way, to be influenced by our first impressions, which inevitably results in one's looks taking up a really significant portion. even if this was just a temporary initial impression.

haha i don't even know why i'm writing about this when it doesn't make much sense and doesn't seem to go anywhere. we like looking at pretty things, we're attracted to pretty stuff, we like to be pretty. as long as that doesn't take hold of your entire being, make you focus on that one and only goal, as long as you know that your friends around you love you because of who you are inside out, as long as you carry yourself with confidence, knowing that you are really really truly special for who you are, seems like prettyness isn't such a big deal.

well it does. it remains so. but to what extent would it bring you everything you wish for in life?you know that the friends whom you hang around with, share your troubles and joy with, aren't always the conventional pretty ones. it's their sincerity, their concern, their joyful presence, their words of wisdom, their comforting silence that illuminates the latent beauty from inside. and so, schizo as i sound, pretty isn't so impt right.

so am i pretty? are you pretty? i can't tell. it takes more than one glance to give the right answer.

my thoughts at 5.11pm

A levels are just around the corner, at least prelims first, but it just smacks you in the face how fast time flies. i'm sure that saying has been so commonly used that we just accept that inevitably, but sometimes you just don't wish time to pass so 'quickly'. maybe i just happen to be one of the rare few that don't wish to grow up, maybe i've been living too sheltered a life to deal with a future full of uncertainties. standing at the brink of teenage-adulthood, i feel lost. just look at those friends around you bursting with ambitions and goals, and you wonder to yourself, what exactly am i living for? what is sth i would die to do? haha probably nothing, unless to save my loved ones.

i don't like to be gossiped about. haha well i'm guilty of doing it at times too, but it never strikes you how hurtful, or just irritating it can be. to be at the other end poked by those pathetic talk. well of course, as you could refer to the previous post, learn from the quote. if you've nothing better to say, shut up. it's really amazing how the human mind has a natural ability to filter out words/actions/thoughts. it keeps the not so nice ones, those that can be used in the future simply to rake up the past, and harp on it, and make someone feel bad. but how about the blessings that are showered upon every day?

what appears on the outside is almost certainly deceiving. judging people is on par with gossip. i'm guilty of that too. and so are you reading this, you're probably making some judgement of ur own. but it's so instinctive. if someone's acting unusually, there's probably an underlying reason. yes given it may be the character of the person just being plain weird, well i don't think scientists have discovered a gene code called weird right. surely then it must be an external trigger factor. so i guess until we know the person better, we shd just leave him/her alone. right. haha but i'm judging those who judge simply by saying this!

and sometimes you just feel lonely. it's a loneliness inside, an emotional kind. we've harnessed the ability to effectively shut out the inside from the outside world. focus on what's the priority now, don't let those silly feelings distract you. but it doesn't ever go away. and even when you try to confront the source, you don't know how to go about handling it.

i think really, the difference between family (parental) love, and that between non-blood related people, is that the former is relatively conditional. in the sense, you were born to this family, and no matter what, this subtle love remains. it doesn't need flowers, honeyed words, specially made gifts, special acts of service to be sustained. in fact, this kind of love surrounds you all the time. maybe the expression is more coarse, less obvious, but at least for me, this kind of love has never failed. when i'm sick, looking ugly and worn out, my mum's always there. even if i were to stay back till late into the night, my dad's always there to fetch, anywhere around the island. when i've the most embarrasing stuff to share, i've got them. perhaps i'm the one not opening up enough to other kinds, or perhaps i just don't know how to draw the line. between demanding too much and sacrificing one's wishes, discounting one's rightful place. between us and me. anyone knows how?

our mind is really the most fascinating place to be in. although i foresee the next 80 odd days will be largely spent immersed in our books, we can always count on our mind to bring us anywhere we go, and see whatever we want, and dream of whatever we hope for. so despite this seemingly not so postive post, let's always hope and know that God's faithful, and no matter what happens, no matter what troubles we face, we've got Him to turn to. that's one blessing i'm going to count today.

[if you're a regular of this blog, you probably know who it is already]

i think i've learnt something new today.

that no matter what, there will always be those who think you're beautiful, both on the outside and inside, and will always think you're beautiful. and then again, there are those who will never think so. and it's alright (:

time and again, so subtly present, yet so heavy a load, we think that we're not good enough. against what criterion we're pressed up hard against, we don't really know how to qualify it, but we know we fall short somehow. fall short of those who've got it all made. who know the right things to say, who don't feel so tongue-tied and socially-inept. and so we blame ourselves, and we try so hard to prove a point we don't even have to make in the first place.

i'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin, more forgiving of what used to seem like mistakes, but were rather just unique parts of me. not wrong, not right, just a me that has nothing else to be compared against.

i don't have to feel that i'm not matching up to the standards that have been predetermined, the multitude of standards that trace the outs and the ins. what's outside and what's inside are just two flip sides of the very same door. if what i have to be is something to be proven, then it's not worth the proof.

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - eleanor roosevelt

growing up does have its nettles and thorns, but it's amazing the lessons God teaches if we're willing to quieten down and just listen, like this sense of assuredness in Him. (:

interjc is tomorrow and the same fear that marked all 4 years of squash trials is back with a vengeance, only perhaps more so now.

i'd better remember to breathe on the field tomorrow or i'll asphyxiate and require the whole team to cart me off the field. which might not be such a bad idea actually! (:

oh please please, i pray backhands and forehands will all be a bliss to execute, there'll be manymanymany chhiis for us to do and that it'll be MUDDY. so it'll be harder for them to run, and it'll be easier for me to cup/mark/poach them. oh yeah oh yeah. :D and that the mud will dry up for me to run easily so they can't cup/mark/poach me easily. oh yeah oh yeah.

my best is all i've got to give, so for what it's worth, let's go raffles ultimate!

OH YEAH OH YEAH! :D

-anne

they always say boys are at an utter loss when girls cry

but what you&you did today more than disproves it

thank you (:

-anne

Its like an ocean breeze blowing on your face
Like a summer sun with its warm embrace
Like a gentle rain plays a symphony
Thats what I want my praise to be
Like a fragrant rose in the early spring
Like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings
Whatever, Lord, You may need from me
That’s what I want my praise to be to You

makes me wanna get up and dancedancedance and freely sing His praise! like at SNOW08 and FOP07060504 :D that's why it's good to have a sister crazier than you, so it doesn't matter when you both start doing little jigs in the bedroom, living room, kitchen. and then you scold each other and beg for the unglamness to stop.



before you start again that is. :D



hmm i think the more things that are happening in my life, the less i feel like blogging about it. which is a good thing! cause it's concretised in my heart and not in my words. which sometimes have a tendency to take on a life of their own and prove so utterly inadequate at capturing the moment.






krazeeone and krazeetoo (:

It's not as sad if we go our separate ways as time takes a toll, and new circles form,
but it's a mishmash of disappointment, and helplessness when you can predict,
you can see right smack in front of you, how some friendships would turn out,
when we all go our separate ways.
Knowing the existence of someone, facing the person for weeks and months,
without ever knowing the person really, then what's the point of knowing
each other in the first place
You say this is more impt now, it's no point salvaging the situation,
it's a pity

People judge you all the time
How much have you adapted to those judgements?
To think twice before saying sth, to keep your thoughts inside,
to tell it to a selected few
But what if even the person you want/feel/think you're the closest to,
makes you feel that way?
You hope to share everything, but you're scared of ruining the impression
that someone has had
Just random thoughts, maybe we always use the word random, so that
if someone thinks what we say is just weird, and 'unacceptable', we can
use that excuse and brush it aside
But what if those thoughts had been inside you for a long long time,
and you wait for the 'right' time to say it
Maybe there's never a right time
Don't grow up swallowing up yourself

i'm tired. of thinking and feeling ache-y. of screwing things up. of feeling the awkwardness. of not having the courage. and maybe, of being too late.

okay 2 lines of emoness are 2 lines too many. let happy pictures do the happy talking!

ONE WORD : YES (:

not to forget the crisps too! yay potato and its many products :D

ahahaha. i want this shirt! threadless.com :D

took a while to udnerstand but SO FUNNY. uh Punny. davidandgoliath.com :Dsounds like a plan.

i had some really deep insightful thoughts on the process of things. and they cheered me up immensely when the dread of non-stop mugging loomed. but i dont feel intellectual enough to expound on them. yet haha. there's a total lack of exclamation points in this. so here's a bunch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay insert where appropriate

okay byebye

oh well.
-
and faster than you can follow me from this lonely place. and farther than you can find me, I'm leaving
-
i don't think you'll know what's beneath this facade sometimes
-
msn etiquette cuts me down to size sometimes
-
oh look a looker!
-
when you're telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind
-
nahh they were just crisps
-
torn
-







sigh. dismembered thoughts ftw. ptw.

ticktock goes the clock
i force its hands way back
hoping time would just backtrack
the hands go round and round
changes occur without a sound
3 hours of phonetime dwindle to nought,
back in tangled webs we're caught
seconds become agonising yet weeks crumble to dust
but thirds are certainly a must
you take one hand i take the other
clockwise counterclockwise we're none the wiser
a clap's a resolution yet we don't hear a sound,
cause it takes 2 to tango


but neither turns around.

yay at the stroke of 12mn joanne chan will be a happy girl!

cause her daddy mommy and meimei will be back! (:

spent the past 3 days at pris' house which was thumbsupthumbsupthumbsup! cause we get to have extended girltalks and bestestfriends time (: and nigel crashed our girly fun! :O on the first night where we talked till 2 in the dark and childishly snatched at each others' bed/pillow/bolster/blanket :D and looked at all the cool things at fredflare.com

i'm tired of blogging.

i think what i blog is very boring.

i read also bored, type also bored. BORING! D:

boringboingboringboingboringboing

toodles!

-anne

I AM NOW OFFICIALLY HOME ALONE AND ON MY OWN FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS

AND I AM SCARED.

IF YOU ARE FREE/CAN SPARE A FEW SECONDS

PLEASE MESSAGE ME TO TELL ME I AM NOT ALL ALONE

I WILL SO NOT SURVIVE IF I GO OVERSEAS NEXT TIME :'(

dear Lord, please get me through this and make me a stronger person.

and the past 2 /3 days were horrendous cause i got drenched by lemuel with a bucket of rainwater, sat in the aircon for 4 hours, moved bunkbeds in the drizzle and alas fell even sicker. like 39degrees sick. ):

okay enough whinging.

joanne chan you are a big girl, not a jellyfish with no backbone. now mop yourself off the ground and try to maintain at least a semblance of dignity.

HAH.

okay to all out there furiously wrestling with tutorials and notes! God bless and jiayou! (:

-anne

and you know what? HAVE A NICE LIFE. you wind me up and made me so confused and now i wash my hands off everything to do with you. kthxbye.

As we grow older, we learn more and more new words, but why is it that we slowly forget how to say the simplest word: NO?

just watched fashion avenue on arts central and zomgosh! i love british accents with their clipped consonants and dulcet tones. and the eclectic fashion collections in madrid with wonderful floaty chiffon dresses and pink-lined tweed suits; a very viable source of escapism from vectors. :D

haha you know i actually LIKE doing math and the exercises but it's already getting so dry (like cookies without milk) and draining (like spaghetti in the salad bowl) and dull (like sunshine kept too long) that i really dont know what's going to happen when i move on to the other subjects like CHEM and HISTORY. zounds. i am currently pouting at the computer. not a pretty sight.

and ah! i wanted to make a list! of the things i want to do/hope to do! a randomly thrown-together list of randomities. i like lists. cause they're so tidy. but i like long rambling reams of words dropping off the edges of pages too. (:

and pongs! i just remembered. my entire family's going away to church retreat next weeeeeekk! entire, meaning i'm the only one left to rattle forlornly in this shell of a house ): i shall go to school and study cause that settles my food for the day. haha cause knowing me, i'll be too lazy, sian and generally unwilling to move more than 10m to go out and get proper food. so how! eat cupnoodles until phat ah! siaooooo. HAHA. hello people go school study okay so i can have people to talk to and eat lunch and dinner with (:

oh yea my list!
- watch my fair lady, singing in the rain and dimsum dollies in the flesh. yay musicals be the love
- sit quietly at changi boardwalk in the wee hours of dawn
- walk around my neighbourhood before everyone wakes up; in the quiet calm before the morning rush
- lie on the sand at the far end of changi beach facing the open sea during twilight
- stand at my bedroom window and yell for as long, as loud, as much as i like
- finish watching goong! goodness i'm still stuck at ep 17
- hike along railway tracks (as in real TRAIN railways not mrt lines HAHA)
- eat my ikea meatballsssss
- esplanade rooftop, listening to baybeats below
- vivo amphi, talking past 10pm :D :D :D come on encore encore!
- i've always had this dream: to be on this rocky precipice, far above sea level and overhanging a caldera filled with clear water. there're frail willow trees and sturdy evergreens daintily dotting the background. i'm on my knees and just in awe of God's creation and i just seem closer to the sky than the ground. and the skies' as blue as the water below.
- TAUHUEY!
- buy the box's whole collection
- viking ship with a whole load of people, screaming whenever we dip and our hearts fly into our mouths
- learn the guitar (:
- overnight biking/blading round-singapore trip
- finally FINISH the cross-stitch i started 6 years ago -.-
- tidy my room! wtp! at this rate i'm going to have to wade through my stuff to go to sleep every night
- go for pottery classes
- go back to ppis ((:
- sit on the bridge near the indoor stadium at night talking rubbish
- read through the entire Bible!

sounds awesome, every single one of them. and what's best is i can do them alone, with my family, with friends, anyone! and it'll still be as brilliant. (:

was going to post wonderful songs that are becoming my earworms but i think this post has WAYYY exceeded normal length. haha k you! stop reading go mug! :D yay i'm being an enabler; i enable you to remember that you should be mugging and not reading!

-anne

SAVE MEEE i dont want to study anymore ): after awesome class cip at sentosa, i've just been floating around the house, nursing the wonderful residual happiness from falling in love with everyone in 6Q.

reallyreally. it's been the best thing/outing i've been to in eons. beats orientation hands down HAHA okay la maybe it can do with some competition from our SUBCOMM :O but yea i think the last time when such an outing just left me feeling so subtly and yet profoundly happy was p6gep. maybe that's cause they both spring from the same source of first love.

yay i want to recount EVERY SINGLE DETAIL so i'll never forget it. but so AA la haha and so exhibitionist. haha my blog post are getting more and more frivolous. pongs.

oh dear here goes the rant. pox! we should ttly switch to livejournal and put lengthy rants under cuts!

dash dash dash out of the house! prep and packing into jayne's super cute bag. fainting when the numbers were altered again thank God for jayne and ronald's expert negotiating skills :D. yay the kids cameeee and my cuteboy told me more gossip about his girlfriend :O break my heart only HAHA. station games! where lei's cuteboy was SO CUTE and kept sliding everywhere on the floor to catch the slippery thing that kept being uh slippery and slipping. the accident of MY CUTE BOY )))))): where sma and i thought the poor kid's eyeball came out or smth cause the bruise swelled up so much >< pray that he's okay now! sentosaaaaa - total wreck of jittery nerves was so worried that something might screw up or smth then cannot go/rain/not enough moolah rarr but thank God everything worked out well yay!

palawan beach where the games comm was just so awesome in getting everything ready (: playedplayedplayed till we feared the onset of rain so hustled them all off to the sheltered area to have waterbreak toiletbreak teabreak. then we preped colourful water bombs! at the scandalous hut :O eww. and reallyreally THANK GOD the skies held up and it was just cooling but no rain so yay had our major water bombing fest. which totally phailzed tactically, cause no one protected the poor white-shirters and everyone just kena bombed no matter what. yay so i protected this small little boy that came up to my waist haha very easy to protect cause i'm so BIG and he's so SMALLL (and cute :D). then my deathstare girl (who happily forgot about death staring me yay) BOMBED ME. wtp! then samsoh LOOMED with his horrible green waterbomb. which wasn't enough apparently cause after that came the PAIL :O haha but very fun la yay poor class shirt though.

then prize presentation! i totally cannot remember all the pokemon names la haha but i rmb someone was telling me this HAHAHAH super funny
siti: richorn! richorn! come richorn!
everybody: ignores siti
some helpful soul: psst. it's RIHORN (or smth la i dont know hahah)
siti: RIHORRRN!
little rihorns come running hahahhahaha.

then we did our dance yay kudos to everyone who learnt the dance within such a short period of time woots. then they did their song item which was so cute; not perfect musically, but it hit all the right notes in everyone's heart (: then we had to part ))))): i miss my #2 and #3 cute boys - danish and zanni ): i almost cried when danish said, so we wont get to see you anymore? and when zanni said, but i'll miss you. oh pongs those guys really know the way to a girl's heart ):

then the dunking began when we were at the buspark haha jukie's photos are the bomb, like the play-by-play of yix's dunking. haha poor birthdayboy! so when we got back grace was being a monkey and climbing the coconut tree then yadayada i cant rmb much. then samsoh tried on my specs and next thing was swoosh the world was pulled from under my feet. but haha oh no the poor guys who tried to lug me to the water, i think almost can DIE la i'm fat and heavy like a beached whale woots. yay everyone was wet like a wet thing and splashy like a splashy thing and happy like a happy thing! but woe to us who didn't bring extra ___________ (HAHA LEI!) ):

yay and the best bit was sitting at vivo's amphi and just talking and laughing with everyone and being so free and happily small in the vast space. so happily inconsequential to the great unknown, but blessedly significant to those who care (:

i think this cip has been one of the best experiences ever. learning to work altogether and deal with the changes and curveballs that life strewns around. unexpectedly falling in love with everyone and every individual person all at the same time yet in perceptibly different ways. and experiencing how the feel of a small hand in mine fits like a key to a lock and how the conversation flows so much more freely between 2 set apart by 10 years than maybe 2 set apart by a mere 3 months or so.

oh love to those who realised, who noticed, who cared (: you know who you are and i thank you with as much heart as this girl can muster (:

-anne

Guys' rules

funny stuff that sounds quite true. i think. i'm not a guy

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (haha nazri)

1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

and suddenly, sitting here beyond the magical moments of 11:11, i don't feel up to going for tomorrow's event. i know it'll be great fun because of the company and everything everyone has worked so hard for is coming to fruition. but sometimes, i wonder if i just stay home, probably no one will notice. until maybe someone needs a scissors or something and i was supposed to bring the scissors then oh shoots where is that dumb girl and then maybe they realise i'm not there for 30 seconds.

i'm in a mood now. cause i hate it when i seem to pick vibes up and then i dont know what to do about them. especially when the vibes make me feel like i've done something wrong. but i dont know yet vaguely might know what it is.

who knows? maybe i just wont turn up tomorrow and you wont even realise.

until the scissors are needed, that is.

or i will. and the silly smile that never quite reaches my eyes stays plastered on and raucous laughter spews from these lips and merry-making ensues. but the soul cries. oh it weeps. in recognition.

oh guesswork. why dont you try the below?
<[accidentally]3 lovehate

-anne

thankyou handsome (:

today was so fun!! the adrenaline rush from planning something and seeing all th little nitty gritty details come into fruition and seeing how everyone chips in to help, it's so gratifying and immensely satisfying. maybe i'll go into event planning next time woohooo :D

dance today was YAYNESS made tangible especially with the guys. HAHAHAH if there was someone willing to join me in rolling on the floor with mirth i think the concrete under blk A would be super clean now :D should have asked siti, after all, ROLLING'S HER FORTE :D

was reallyreally awesome to see everyone helping out, coming down despite their busy schedules, learn the not-so-easy dance (omg nigel and his partner who (which?) is really of some STANDard), make a mess out of styrofoam boxes, rehash all our wonderful orientation dancing memories (we should so recruit our subcomm yea XD XD XD), troop down to bedok and get all the loggy logs (thankyou jukie for coming even though you had yr h3 and yix samsoh ronal jayne too!). which reminds me i need to protect the cookies i brought home, my sister WANTED TO TEAR INTO THE BOX AND EAT THEM. :O

oh this is the stuff that holidays are made of! (nay, not dreams hilary) (i think i'm using parentheses too much)

much love and thanks to jayne weixian gohtian lei siti jukie grace xuewei mark yix gabriel ronald samyong samsoh nigel yongjing sisco muhd! really thank you for making time to come down in the midst of crazy trainings and so many other commitments. wednesday's going to be even greater fun (: and after which we delve right back into mugging. :O(

and yay i love this from gilmore girls!
Lorelai: I repeat my question. Why should we date?
Max: Because we're clearly attracted to each other.
Lorelai: Well, I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.
haha hilarious.

oh yay 6Q is love cant wait for fri and wed and thurs! :D

-anne

ignorance is bliss. that's a saying, whether you dispute the validity of it, remains true to me for now. precisely because i'm shutting out what you're trying to tell me that ignorance is not bliss, is itself an act of trying to be ignorant. it really does help. well i might seem like a turkey sticking her head into the sand, pretending the world around me is beautiful and nice, but it's not true. whatever the case, i wish life, relationships, matters could be simpler. no wonder babies are so happy. they hardly know anything. it can be an advice, or something that your close friend tells you. the intention could be good, wanting to help you change, learn, or be more aware, but the effect goes many ways. you can become stronger, change for the better, but deep inside, it was a stab. what makes that knife so sharp, is that it came from someone who meant something to you, someone who was/is close to you. so basically, things have been that way for a long time, it was just never said. it's scary, this feeling of being ignorant.yet precisely because i've learnt about stuff, about me, that i want to return to that blissful stage. you know, when everything really seemed fine. are they jealous of such ignorance? no they're not, continue believing that they have good intentions. i don' tknow, it's such a confusing world.

Pris

THIS IS FOR GRACE. FOR WHEN WE -
- WERE YOUNG AND INNOCENT
- WERE FULL OF NONSENSE
- HAD ALOT OF TIME
- THOUGHT WE WERE VERY KEWL
- WERE STILL ABLE TO WALK TO MRT TOGETHER

okay i shall quit the caps. oh the joys of packing to uncover dusty reams of memories!

i have a d8
at the mark8
we're meeting at the g8
i know it'll be gr8

i was almost l8
because of the jam at j8
the traffic was moving at a snail's r8
and so i w8 and w8

-interlude-

i got myself ready as b8
to ensnare a m8
the problem is not my w8
nor is it my character tr8s

- gr8ce + fatjojoh8d

alright! hahaha this reallyreallyreally made me feel really great. i mean gr8.

love hurts if you're hurt by love

once you've committed yourself to something, you're going to stick to it, no matter what happens. and when someone means so much to you, you end being so sensitive,and add to more hurt, to everyone, to the other party, to yourself.and then when you feel apologetic for being overly-sensitive, you end up irritating someone more and more. and then you realise you don't know how to get out of it. you want the best of both worlds, you become so self-centered, putting your problems in the limelight. when you become so reliant on something, someone, when you commit yourself to something that you've never tried before, to something that means so much to you, you end up feeling so lost too. it's so scary you know, when you can seem to be the most abundantly filled person, the most lucky person on earth, when you can feel so empty and void inside. or when you seem to be having the best of everything, the most joyful presence around, when you just don't know how to say, i'm just another human being too. and when you seem to let down that happy front, you upset others too, they wonder why you're like that now. so do ppl only like you for the bright colours that you paint all the time? what happens when you let them in to see your true colours? what if all along, you've been thinking too much. what if you're just making up all these false silly dumb ridiculous scenarios. and end up thinking so much that you ruin everything. and what if you keep everything inside, will they disappear? is there a way to flush out all unpleasant stuff? it's easy to say there is. i don't know. i'm sorry for everything. i don't even know why i'm sorry for. i don't even know why i'm saying sorry. maybe it's just a childish world i'm living in, and hoping to live in, where things always end up happily ever after.

Pris

dance night was good! but the company was LOVE (: WELLDONE LEIPINGPONGPIANG! (: we all lurbex eu beeg beeg dip dip worhx (: LEH FTW! hahahaha :D

Your loved ones

Why do we spend so much effort in thinking of the best way to celebrate our boy/girlfriend's birthday? Yet when it comes to Mother's Day they merely buy a commerically made cake, or let the date of Father's Day slip away?

Why do we msg and call, and long to see our other half so much and so frequently? But then bury ourselves in schoolwork, and careless talk on the computer locking ourselves from our parents, seldom ever asking them how their day was?

Why do we see no shame is saying 'I love you' a thousand times and more to that special one? Yet we cringe at the thought of embarrasing ourselves when we're told to say that same three words to our mum and dad?

It could be a simple handwritten card or a packet of sweets (sweetness that seeps into our hearts) yet we cherish it so much, we never let it leave out sight. But how about the food that is laid on our dinner table every night, or those clean bedsheets that we spend our nights on, or that very handphone you're using to msg your special one, have you say a word of thanks, shown abit of appreciation for the one who got all those stuff?

They all fall under the same category: your loved ones. Why then such diverse treatment?

Pris

it's so easy to get wrapped up in your own melancholic, worries-inundated, fearful world, thinking and wishing everything could go your way, and you had nothing to be upset about. it's so silly to envy others, when how do you know that others are not thinking the same way when they see you? i don't deny that blogs tend to be where i would turn to, if i want to vent out unpleasant emotions (anger, frustration, emptiness, loneliness, boredom). everyone does so.

we're becoming schizo ppl - a different face on and off the comp. it's becoming so easy to simply switch on the comp, blah out everything that is overwhemling inside you, switch off the comp, adjust your facial expressions, and live life 'happily ever after'. whenever something triggers and makes you upset again, you continue the same routine. well of course there are some who have really inspiring and thought-provoking blogs.

why don't we just share our problems with those around us? have we all become guilty of soaking up our own problems, that we've turned into people that no one can turn to? do we trust telling someone our true feelings? do we wonder if we might be infringing into the person's 'my time' by pouring out our sorrows? then what's the use of friendship if it can't even satisfy an individual's basic want to be loved and heard? or you could say that we exaggerate things on blogs. we take some minor issue, add lots of melodramatic expressions, and blow it up. are we?
or are we letting our true feelings take control? but then we fear people judging us when they read our blogs. we fear all the time don't we? live up to others' expectations, not losing our typical composure (except when with those really close ones).

life is tough. but then in what position can someone who has lived rather securely, loved by parents, well-fed, enjoying vacations, say such a thing? but that doesn't mean that we're not facing insignificant troubles. perhaps, as we always love to use moderations when asserting something, it is time for us to belittle our own problems, and YET not sink into a self-absorbed pit. how is that possible? if i knew the answer, i'll share one day. sometimes life feels purposeless, day by day we go about, studying, hanging around with friends, sleeping, complaining. work. and the same cycle goes about. is that why humans are meant to interact with each other to add colour to mutual lives? i really think so.

talking - i enjoy it. sometimes maybe talking too much isn't a good thing. but a world of silence, unimaginable. keep everything inside, judgments, criticisms, praises. just be yourself.

Pris

this blog has lapsed into an emo outlet! which is fine and dandy i guess but hmm it's funny how things just have a way of running their own course. which is further proof for me to STOP WORRYING AND OVER-THINKING and to leave everything into God's hands (:

you may read this and you may wonder if it's you and wonder you continue to do, but you'll never guess the quarts of tears you've made me shed over the words you said which i knew sprung up from the wellspring of your concern.

but God's sovereign and omnipotent, in a way i cannot grasp nor fathom. and it's time i let go of all my preoccupations with perceptions and to praypraypraypray that friendships can return to the way God wants it to be (:

and sometimes i just mask my shyness and fear of extraness by being aloof. cause when i'm aloof, you can't touch me, you can't pierce into my consciousness and you can't see that deep inside i'm trembling with fear from all the unspoken things that hang like a fog.

because you see, this girl has heart, but no mouth

ANYWAY! omggxxed this post was supposed to be inane and cheery not in the least bit reflective! so yea! i can't remember what the weeks have been up to, they've dealt with themselves very nicely and i dont feel like recounting them so peekchures! of our silly birthday outing to the ol' haunts of raffles girls (:

OMG! strawberry shortcake in the flesh! Her Royal Cuteness for the day, puff! (:

SEXY posing with strawberry

SULTRY posing with said strawberry

i hearts yuanz dipdip

strawberry shortcake and nye(hh)!

lynette who makes boyS heartS flutter oh yea <3

oh dear camwhoring ahead

and so we prattle along on the orchard streets

and gaily live our happy girl world (:

-anne

oceans will part, nations come

at the whisper of Your call

hope will rise, glory shown

in my life Your will be done

<3

absence makes the heart grow fonder. we always take the people the things the blessings surrounding us for granted. somehow we don't realise that our lives slowly and uknowingly get intertwined with all the things in this world. we find ourselves unable to extricate from the web, a mess if we were to try to pull those things that mean so much to us apart. but amidst that emptiness, the fleeting sense of loss, the foolish human desire to cling on to the last moments, you learn to appreciate what you already have even more. and for some unknown reason, thankfully, and hopefully, the absence never lasts for eternity. the whole cycle repeats itself in your life all the time, but we never learn to get over it, we simply yearn for that missing link once more. you spend so much time mulling over it, is it worth while? is it worth the time, the silly silent tears, the worries? at least one thing you gain from this: the missing gem's worth echoes much louder with its absence.

Pris

how far does being nice go?

to the extent that you feel SO ANGRY with friends but it always seems like IT'S YOUR FAULT and you APOLOGISE OVER AND OVER and you feel like A SCRUNCHED UP BALL

or to the extent that your views are NOT THEIR VIEWS and just because of that YOUR'E WRONG

or to the extent that you feel the need to MAKE THEM HAPPY ALL THE TIME, stick to THEIR EXPECTATIONS and NEVER SHOW when you're angry

or to the extent that you can only resort to CRYING HOT ANGRY TEARS and scribbling in your NOTEBOOK DURING LECTURES

how far does suanning go?

:( 2 disparate issues, worlds apart yet linked by the common thread of transition of rg into rj.

i really felt i could do something to change. to change the status quo and as they say "step out of my comfort zone". then i plummetted. cause i realised my comfort zone didn't just reside in myself, they weren't boundaries i drew out in my head. my comfort zone lay in those around me and whatever views they held, i'll be compelled to follow. for fear of either seeming too overeager, or for fear that no one would be my support. but 2 whole years in rj and it's going to whiz by like anything. 1 year and 4 months and still counting. would the 2 years even remain as something more than a distant memory in the years to come. would anything survive out of the classroom and the twists and turns of events that brought each and every one together? or would the status quo prove too easy to fall back on and everyone's just too shy, waiting on the world to change. hycritical may be the word of the day and i'm as guilty as charged for not stepping out. for not holding on to what i believe in, but rather, allowing what is to be expected, what those around say is normal to be my stand, when it's never been that way. i know i regret today. and the many yesterdays that have flown by. and i tell myself, do i want to regret the other tomorrows to come as well? will i just let them slip away into todays and yesterdays. the spirit is willing, but oh how the heart trembles with fear and cowardice and the knowledge that conformity is safe. ):

separately. i know i let my emotions yoyo me around and i retreat into my cave and push people away when the yoyo dips and falls. but i never wanted it to turn out this way. true, i never thought about what inaction could do, how unspoken words could be communicated as clearly and how our friendship was so important to me. but i never knew just how complicated things could be when you take what other people say into consideration even though you know it's not true. i've let their words rock my security, rock the sweetness of friendship. but i just cant seem to force the words from inside out to say sorry. for the times i've turned away and closed my eyes to hide to avoid people saying more than necessary. ):

-anne

WHAT THE PONGS!! why do things like these happen to me!

read: I LOCKED MYSELF INSIDE THE HOUSE -.-

so now i'm sitting infront of my comp trying to do work whilst bemoaning the the fact that i SHOULD BE AT CELL AND SPEEDLIGHT AND I'M MISSING OUT ON ALL THE FUN AND LEARNING AND HOLY COMMUNION AND THE SERMON >:( if there's a day when i need to knock some commonsense into my head instead of bumbling around today's the day.

it's amazingly ironic how much i want to be INSIDE the house when i'm locked outside and now how much i want to be OUT OF THE HOUSE when i'm locked inside. oh grah! and my room's locked with the keys and EVERY other thing that could occupy my attention like my dear Bible so now i've to settle for bumming around in the living room and checking if the kitchen is still unlocked. cause EVERY OTHER ROOM is locked as well. whatthepongggggggsssssssss.

and norman amanda and jess's reactions weren't exactly encouraging! -.-
norm: she what?! how did she do that!?! *HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*
jess: you what?! *HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH*
amanda: OMG joanne chan *HAHAHAHHAHHA*

NO SENSE OF SYMPATHY!!

BYE i'm off to contemplate my fate rawr >(

-anne

i've been drafting posts and requiems in my head but those can be tucked away for a little later.
all i want to say in its full exhibitionist glory is i'm realising just how delicious life is and how deliriously happy i've been since we came to the fork in the road. and sometimes, the urge to post exhibitionist photos is just too overwhelming for some, isn't it? like an arm accessory to be proudly displayed. but wellwell, the only realisation that cut through the thick was just how fun it has been without all the emotional strings and baggage. (:
and that, is not something to prove with photos. (:

don't say you love me;

-anne

more photos i found

p6gep girls during cny at sam's house!

take 5 photos!
haha a picture captures a thousand emotions

Pris

love at miss clarity's (: <33

first times new memories
ticktock springroll banana susu
banmian at scott's
meepok with chilli orange squash muahchee
squashing inanimate balls with animated characters
best friends hold on for life
cause they know they wont fall (:

-anne

djskfhasgcasybsdtc! i feel high one moment, insanely questionable the next, insecure in the following lapse of time then contented all over again. just add FLIPPING TIRED and FLIPPING RED AND SUNBURNT to the concoction and you have the winning combination tadahhh! well done. x_x

life after cts has been insanely packed ): even in the 2/3 days. sometimes i really want to delete every single commitment from my life and just be selfish, butt everyone out and say MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME i want time to myself only! haiZzZzZzZZxXxXxXxXx gayganz is a bad influence.

so. cts were Completely Traumatising. woohoo what's new! haha but i've been watching goong as my destressant ((: and it has completely 1) enhanced my multilingualism by 0.0005% 2)introduced me to another specimen of the T___, D___ and N__ S_ H______ species of which i am going to rid myself off SOON (: yay grace will be proud. " YOU MUST HARDEN YOUR HEART OR YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT! " i qouth and unqouth.

then on thurs had training for comps on sat at the ri field. it's synthetic grass! which gets stuck in yr shirt when you happily lie down and make you itch till the cows come home ): can faint the sun was like from the scene of every model chinese compo pls! total fulfilment of the feng he ri li criteria. so we all did horizontal and vertical stacks and baked happily like potatoes. yum

like our potato salad for bbq on fri! (: but before that was Good Friday service, which was really timely. life's been tough and sometimes all the various random ingredients that clutter the recipe for happiness just takes my attention away from God. and sometimes the entire feeling of being a misunderstood soul who holds the affections of people away from her at arm's length for fear of disappointing them or hurting them proves too overwhelming. ahwell. fri's mime was reallyreallyreallyreally good; reminded me of the true Reason for it all and how He's always always there for me and i dont have to worry about misconstrued notions and whatnot. Ray Boltz's watch the lamb is just an awesome song replete with meaning (: go youtube it and listen or smth!

right. so it was insane-ness trying to get all the food ready for bbq! to cut a longgg story short - food was great. ecp is insanely big; bigger than what singapore should be capable of. ants like raw chicken. playing frisbee facing the sea is Not A Good Idea. dont buy chickenwings based on the presumption that guys eat their weight - chickenwings are almost always left over - what am i saying, they ARE always leftover period haha. be a trendsetter and share your chickensausage/crabstick with someone - save food save the earth! and you may even end up getting your first kiss when your heads are oh-so-accidentally slammed into each other XD YAY for happy gullible boys! being at the breakwater IS romantic ogay? ogay. (:

then beach fiesta frisbee comps! which was the bomb. literally in terms of heat and killerness. runnign BAREFOOT on BAKING SIZZLING SAND is Never A Good Idea. we were foaming at the second game and i think the only reason why we even ran sometimes was just to pseudo achieve levitation for that miniscule moment and get off the sand. so hot la. and the amount of skin on parade was really quite obscene eww. but yay was very very fun! but my skin veryvery painful nowzz )): someone save me. )):

and i want to go science centre! it was supposed to be the HIGHLIGHT of the end of cts! D: sighs but when life throwns you a curveball you sigh accept it move on and then blame it on darn ol' Buble for making you so sway.

-anne