I LOVE LEAD CAMP! :DDDD

oh my, it's terrible, my HEART is breaking infront of me! :'( i miss my DINGDONGS like well the way i miss them! even though it took awhile for them to warm up and all, being sports and performing arts and having yuhyiing and i as their coughextremelynicecough camp group facilitators. haha and they're such dears! and plus they say the cutest things on earth

horrrright. first day we uh [WHAT DID WE DO?] uh oh yes station games! the MOE ppl think we're all dodos or something, haha most of the station games were kinda easy. but still dingdongggggggg was nicely enthu! oh right for the lost, the dingdong name came from the really fun dingdong game haha. my thoughts are jumping all over the place but yessh anyway there was the nitro crossing game! where fadz lost her butt and chao ying lost her arm. haha so cute :D

and the zigzag crossing! where dear dingdong friends were so pro and completed it so quickly, so they had to sing a random song and do random actions. :D
okay station games were abit below standards pelipeli admits now but dear friends, we HAD to be hyped up because if dear dingdongs were to be 100% enthooood, poor yuhyiing and i had to be 300% so you could guess the amount of sugar we had to ingest. :D but our group was so nice, that yuhyiing and i had such a blast with them. :D *cue blatant show of love for dingdong*

and all of them did the high wire crossings BRILLIANTLY, haha even though they came back down exclaiming how they were unable to stop quivering like jelly on the line. but they looked totally pro up there, so BRAVO! :D

and 2nd day, KAYAKING and RAFTING! haha teoteo 's favourite part i'll bet. :D the raft was super hard to make, what with the impossibly hard to tie barrels and useless rubber floats haha. but dingdong did ittt! haha so when the raft was brought out to sea, all of them were clambouring on. haha poor michelle and yanru were trying to sit on the useless rubber tyres and kept falling over. haha bearbear and i couldn't help laughing. :D and all of you went off! to the sea and beyond [ of about 3 metres but whatever :D]! haha then the dumbdumb barrel had to come loose and ahem it disintegrated abit, but who cares it floated!

then lunch! where our group was so thoughful and unique that we volunteered to sit outside the canteen and fry in the sun so that sand won't be tracked into the canteen. AWWW. :D

kayaking! joonjoon dear was supposed to kayak with me but i ahemamnotaverygoodkayakerahem so darling teoteo who seems to be so pro at every thing possible was to kayak with joon. and yingqi and i were kayak buddies! haha by this stroke of good/bad luck haha joonjoon teoteo pelipeli and yingqi all ended up in the same group. YAYNESS. :D AND i didn't scream AT ALL when we had to stop go ask yingqi, you teoteo! haha teoteo: "i'll bet you take history, you look like you take history" then after a while " i'll bet you'll scream [inserts her own version of a scream] when you have to stop, you look like the type!" dear friend, yingqi and i kept hearing , guess who, YOU! haha ahemahem, so who looks like the screamer now? :D

haha rightt. so then we had debriefs and stuff. and then it was DINNER! and cause allll the facils were stinky/wet/sandy/smelly we had to eat outside and i prolly spilled half of my dinner. haha then yy, shushu and weiming all went abit high in watching the psuedo-sunset and starting singing our all time favourite pervy song! dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai ladidididum. haha elmo face and i nicely ignore them. haha then we went over and joined them and gayed around singing random songs. THEN all the facils REALLY went off tangent like seriously. we started doing chihuahua. HMMMM how MATURE haha :D

[insert a really long time of 2 weeks]

right. my memory is gettign fuzzy! i must remember what happened! oh right, last day of lead camp! :( we had the sec 1s over for DINGDONG to facilitate and they did it BRILLIANTLY! :) yay, i totally love them to bits. then we did high ropes activity and for some reason, we were all hanging outside the area and talking crap. hahaha, must be the SUPERB influence of yuhyiing and me! :D then we got to talking about people looking like animals. and TADAH. guess what, REALSIATION OF THE CENTURY, no MILLENIUM. yuhyiing apparently looks like a bear and i am the spitting image of a ..

PELICAN.

i am honoured. no really i am. :DD haha then we did the high ropes! both me and yuhyiing! yay! it was reallyreally brilliant! the adrenaline rush and the sense of accomplishment are really sources of ADDICTION. :D haha then we had to go pack up and stuff. :( haha the facils were all trying to finish up our notes and forms and clear up HAHA the facils' dorm would be the messiest I THINK. but why of course, we're such wonderful role models. :D or maybe it was just my area. HMM.

then we had farewell! and DINGDONG did a really cute poem haha.

then.

WE HAD TO ALL GO HOME :((((((((((

i love DINGONG! bearbear.michelle.zeslene.joonjoon.teoteo.fadz.chaoying.yingqi.sherry.yanru.shuyu.lisa. all of you have my love. :D

- joanne the pelipeli! <33333333333333.14

i think i've been living in my own little happy bubble for too long. it's as though the more i try to shut out the ugliness of the world, the pain and unhappiness of the countless souls passing through this life, the more i become oblivious to the needs outside my bubble.

like seriously, when's the last time you, or i for that matter, have done something, just for the sake of someone else, even though it SCARED YOU TO THE VERY DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL to just be bold and do it. i've always been telling myself to pray for others, but when the exams loom, i feel so insignificant offering to pray for them. such cowardice that its almost repulsive.

and you know the busker in the udnerground link? how many times have i just walked past him and KNEW that if only i would just stop to say a little word or two, it'll brighten up my day a million times more than it would make his. how many times have i thought that, but FAILED time and time again to ever venture close?

sometimes the amount of careless words that we may speak is astoundingly frightening. and the friends whom you feel so carefree with, you actually feel so powerless, so timid to break the mould. freidnship, when it realy boils down to it, isn't just the feel goodness of it although yes, it's one of God's nicest gifts :D but it's the really small actions, the word or two that reallyREALLY show you care. it's when no one's looking and the spotlight no longer shines on a little dusty corner where a friend is hiding that you go out of the light and into the darkness and THEN create your own glow.

let the world mock me, let them think i'm weird, let them think it's abnormal for a girl to go against the flow and stop in the middle of an underground passage. but dear Lord, let me be brave, let me be the sunbeam you've always planned for me to be.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, to shine for Him each day
in every way try to please Him, at home, at school, at play
a sunbeam, a sunbeam, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
a sunbeam, a sunbeam,
i'll be a sunbeam for Him

-anne

Watch!
Listen.
It’s all around you,
Waiting patiently with tenderness
To ensnarl you amongst its seductive tendrils
A bolt of thunder
Strikes you down, down down,
Not a sound.
Drowned out by the incessant demands of men.
Drowning in your bland tears.
Bitterness long sunken into your deepest trenches.
Full-stop.
Whose say is it, for you to stop?
If your steps freeze right now,
Is it fool’s stop?
Love flutters by, dancing her swan song
Frolicking under the warm sun
In its little green house.
The storm in the horizon bothers it insignificantly.
For now.
I study it with longing,
Behind this window pane.

they make you, they break you

i can't posssibly remember the last time i have blogged, well judging by the level of 'liveliness' of this blog, one can presume that we are not very avid and keen people. but well, just had this urge to 'vent' out all these things stuck inside, i guess for those of us who have no where else in the 'real' world to reveal what we are feeling, this is the best alternative.

i can't be bothered if you actually know who i am, most probably no one will read this anyway. oh well, here goes. had been having options these past few weeks... feeling up and down like you know this yacht in the middle of the vast expanse of ocean, staring at a rather bleek horizon, and your feelings whelm up inside you, the only way they come out is if you *rather unsightly* puke out everything. is there a saying that words can make you and equally so can they break you? or maybe it was just a figment of my imagination. just suddenly dawned upon me (apologies for being so slow in realising such matters) that friends too can be described as such.

i think today is gg to be my last 3rd lang lesson, had a really fun time with these group of people whom were just strangers with me less than a year ago, but somehow i feel so much at ease with them, it is has if there is actualyl some breathing space for me when i'm with them. i'm not complaining about my school friends or anything, maybe the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder is quite true, or maybe i'm just crapping out some excuse to ignore the real truth inside, which i admittedly have no idea, or have no wish to find out why.

well i apologise for all this blabbering, personally i have no idea what is going through my mind now, i just feel that this is the best way to let this all out. anyway back to what i was driving at, on one hand, there is this rathe disjointed (from schools all over singapore) group of friends i have known for probably a year now, and on the other hand there are some people whom i have known for let's say a couple of years. perhaps i am just being to sensitive, or others would brush off as teenage angst which seems quite ulikely rite, i look like the smiley happy kind... but recently, i apologise AGAIN if this is too trivial a matter and i am just blowing matters out of proportions, but people or person in the 2nd group of friends suddenly feel so distant. have there been times when you looked back, and thought about how close you guys used to be, it seemed as if you knew and well clicked with the person well? and then the next time you see the person, you feel so cut off, you feel even to the extent of disgusted-ness (okay maybe this word is too strong, but i am just 'pouring' out this knot inside) towards that person?

the point is, i feel as if i shdn't be feeling this way, cos everyone sees the person as nice friendly approachable blah blah you know the typically good stuff, and true enough you always thought so. then sometimes it is just that word or two, or perhaps a seemingly insigificant brushing aside of you, or that comment which you felt just smacked at your face (while to others it was a friendly slap on the back), or that feeling the person gives you. i know i know.. girls are overly emotional beings who cannot help but be uptight over such 'lame' 'miniscule' matters, but i can't help it! that is precisely why i don't wish to blow up anything, cos i really dont' want to regret destroying anything in the friendship, well but i know for one thing, i feel differently to that person. and i'm learning to control my feelings, like don't be biased, don't think badly, how you ought to love everyone around you, and maybe i'm just being the one at fault. i dunno lar!

haiyoh, so well, after inviting whoever out there into this super long convoluted thought process of myself, i shall seal all this up once again, until i cannot bear the person or people. after all, people might just tell me after this post, to have friends making you, you should make yourself a friend first. pls tell me straight to the face if i'm not being a nice friend, i know the feeling of it. at most if i disagree with you, you can see more ramblings on this dying blog.

pris

you know what? [that's grammatically unsound but whatever] i take back everything i've said in the last [deleted] post. pooh. i totally shouldn't blog at night.
-anne

everyone has their fair share of dark secrets, you just can never fathom it.

parting is sad not because of the parting part, but the fact that we know that we would forget the sadness of parting in time to come. sounds convoluted.. i guess i'm never good at expressing how i feel, so apologies to all those who are lost or think this is really chessy. just wad i'm feeling right now, I MISS CONRAD!!! and EVERYBODY THERE!! in no random order, banquet ppl, frontdesk ppl, concierge, PORTERS!!! rosy darling, serene the talk-non-stop person, jo (haha acutally see you everyday one lar.. so don't miss), michelle the mushroom cheesecake person, and all the rest who accompany the RG table during break times everyday. it's really sad to think that once you step out of the place, no longer in the uniform, you'll nv get to see the people who make your day for the past 2 weeks: the dish-washing uncle who has this sincere smile plastered on this face even though you are delievering a pile of dirty plates to him. the clothes auntie who dishes out the uniforms to you daily, the random security ppl who make sure that we loiterers don't make the hotel a playground, the really crappy porters who always remind us to study hard and be good girls, the ppl who has helped us any way or another in just a matter of 2 weeks. i've come to realised that really lar, sch isn't everything. well at first i thought working was going to be an UTTEr waste of time, like hello i need to finish up my hist pt, mug for maths and just prepare for the coming eois but these don't make u any better. well yar, they'll look good on ur resume when you have straight As and you will have this materialistic accomplishment, but i feel that this hols has been a fruitful one in a different way... i've grown somehow, in my opinio nlar, so anyone can contradict this, i've learnt more about been streetsmart rather than merely academically capable (as my dear fellow banqueteres put it). who ever thought that dishing out sweet and sour chilli sauce can be such a tiresome job, or that just opening doors and welcoming ppl with a sweet smile takes ALOT of effort indeeed. this is just a random thought but it seems like in a matter of 2 weeks, ppl (random strangers) have said thank you to me more times than i'll ever have received in like one whole school year? maybe an exaggeration lar, but it's like when you open the door, and they say thank you, it reall ymakes your day.. no matter how simple it might seem to you lar. oh well, continue living in my conrad dreamXD MUACKS once more to all the conrad ppl and i'll really miss teasing rosy over her super alot of ppl (flower guy, alan, sashi (mixture of sushi and sarsi!), sammie, ffffazli.. and all the other hushed up ones!), serene and her infatuation with sports cars blah blah

pris

the cinderella story

okay so maybe the title is kind of misleading.. well it was supposedly some random thought that floated thru my mind as i spent my 'wonderful' holiday time polishing delicate wine glasses, folding napkins at the corner of a desolate pantry in the hotel corner. pls pardon more of my rumblings about my work experience. yup, i'm STILL working for another 3 more daYS!! haha though the ppl are acutally quite nice (specificially those from the concierge and front desk dept) the rest seem as if they have been zombies or perhaps mummified egyptians sent thru some time machine and planted to work eternally in this cold hotel chamber: they are SUPEr dao!! or rather, they seem to have lost this natural human ability to give a smile to a passing colleague, poosibly because (from what i have inferred over the past few days while mulling over dirty cutlery and pouring coffee for ppl) of their utterly BORING and MONOTONOUS work. well, the word montonous does truly look er monotonous rite? see... i'm not making sense anymore! and the reason is solely because i have been spending 8 hrs each day doing meaningless stuff. just a short summary of my interesting work schedule: collect dirty cutlery from kitchen, use a rickety trolley and roll back to the pantry, wipe the glasses spotless clean, move the cutlery back into some ulu corner, fold napkins into weird shapes, top up the water for the coffee-maker, arrange coffee cups, refill the coffee beans, clean up the mess made by those rich old businessmen, walk up and down 50 times to look busy, stand beside the coffeemachine to help them prepare coffee (and at the same time insulting the guests' intellectual level of not being able to just press ONE button for the coffee to come out), be a standby dustbin, to sum it up: a walking machine. no emotions nothing much... well and the rest of the time (if i'm lucky) is to talk crap with hopfeulyl some friendly parttime staff. so if i ever look quite dead after these 2 weeks of work, you now know why. oh well, at least i've learnt LOTS of things: hotel hygiene level is NOT to be trusted, okay i shan't dwell deeper or risk getting censored by some conrad person. wad else... and really lar, they waste super alot ALOT of food (like blueberry cheescake, croissants, cereal, breaded prawn, mini pizza, the most delectable food on earth DUMPED into the dustbin) i feel so guilty being the one doing so.. oh well the rich and the richer. but above all this, work has been yar quite erm fun... so now if you think of it, it really sounds like a cinderella story: wiping stuff, arranging stuff. okay i shan't go back into the whole whiny complains again. yup, hope the next time i post, i'll sound sane and not another zombie from conrad.

pris

and i'm saving all my love for you

eeee 4th day of work! don't rightly know what to say, as in it's both been really good and quite bad. but just after a measly 4 days, i feel rather attached to some of the staff there larh. [especially the cute guys. RIGHT] haha, it's just that some of them are really SO hospitable and welcoming that you just melt. [like a chocolate bar left too long in the locker] anyway. [am i using parentheses too much?] :) yes, anyway. mostly the porters and guest relations agents are really warm [like the middle of a cookie] and so obliging! especially when we had to tag the luggages, they were like "well done!" "eh, you leran very fast ah!" "had your lunch anot? go and eat larh!" "standing around very boring arh?" "wah you open door very strong arh!" see! how can you not be attached to such wodnerful people! so attached [and so bored] that we came up with a whole plethora of nicknames for them! i miss them so much now that here are but a few.

MELONSLEEVES: haha this was the first one. cause she was critiqing our drsssing and all, then when the real hod came in she was like "melonsleeves, why are your sleeves so long?" ms:"oh because i'm small" hod:"you should alter them". then michelle was like roll eyes and stifle giggles. umh the melon part is uh hard to explain haha.

SUGARGOURD: her name has a tang in it like sweet you know? then cause she was always grimacing we decided she looked like a bittergourd. so TADAH!

chocomuff: oh this is cause she was reallly nice and we were craving chocmuffins from conrad i think. :0)

whitechoc: this is the REALLY NICE porter! he showed us all the places, then joked around with us and he was worried hat we'll be like bored out of our minds so he gave us a mini tour. then he was offering us chips and all. it sounds like nothing much really, but when you experience it yourself arh, the CHOCOLATE-IN-LOCKER syndrome just hits you like well, a tonne of melted chocolate and smothers you in it. :)

002!!! [zerozerotwo]: haha pox's FAVOURITE! *winkwink nudgenudge* btw, pox has really bad taste, so you get the main picture. :DDD yes, he's twenty, looks like he's 17/18, has worked for a really long time, has finished shatec and all and is shorter than pris. haha but he;s very friendly too! but mostly to pox. [we wonder why][alliteration!] haha and his shift is always so coincidentally somewhere around pox. [we wonder why again] :DDDDDD oh and we have a cheer/dance to go with it. but you have to see it to believe how bored we were. haha.

003! [zerozerothree]: he's the 002 lookalike and we deicided that sicne they looked alike, they were clones of each other so he's no. 3. but there's no no.1, cause they're CLONES you see, so there is no original! heh, the wodners of a bored soul/s.

zoo: his name just soudsn like zoo that's all. and he's very cute and shy, so we're cute and shy around him too. AHEM. haha no larh, he's always helping us with the luggages and asking us about our shifts. and i think he plays soccer!

luncheon meat/meet: haha he's reallyreallyreally sweet and funny. cause he was teachign pox and i how to tag luggages and was telling us how to make workign FUN! and he kept asking us about lunch and whether we had eaten or not, and totally urging us to go have our breask and how " teenagers like yall can eat alot one, but it's okay because you don't need to stress and think alot." okay that didn't really make sense but his concern is there! :)

azmi: haha the only one i don't have a nickname for! he was going to deliver a fax and then he invited me to see how it was done. then cause i was kaypohing around the lift and all the levels, he brought me on a hotel tour! to the EXECUTIVE lounge [cue hushed whispers] the executive floor, the buiness don't know what, the pool, the gym and he tried to dismantle one of the wooden panellings to let me see the view. and nope he couldn't put it back and so couldn't i. so we uh left it there for maintenance. :)

aish. okay working with them was wonderful now i think about it. i'll really miss them, they seem so dear now. :) ack tmr's more maddeing piano pract with a bished finger *AHEM* :) okay got to dash, yep to snugglywarmfuss [aka my bed]. ta!

-anne

roooooooossssssiiiieeeeee!

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away

imagine this scenario. this is the future ten years from now if i continue working like this.
X: hey what's your name?
future person [hereby referred to as melonsleevessugargourd or mssg]: uh duuuuuuhh?
X: erm okay. how old are you?
mssg: uh ddduuuuuhhh? *scratches head*
X: hmmm. what's 1+1?
mss: uuuuhhhh duuhhhhh..?? welcome to conrad?
X: !! what's wrong with you?
mssg: uuuhhh duuuuuuuhhhhhhhh.....???? thank you and have a nice day?? duuhh?

you get the picture don't you? i's really really quite sad, as in they don't trust us to do anythign at all! :( as in we can understand if you don't let us handle the really important stuff, but simple things like well, using the comp, answering calls, i truly BELIEVE our mental faculties are able to handle such strenuous tasks. :( oh well, at least alot of the people there were really friendly and nice. and really funny! :) there was this board of directors guy who was talking to us and saying alot of meaningful stuff larh haha about ns and racial harmony. see we do learn! =D and there was this porter who was asking us to guess his age and then he told us about ns and funny stories. haha then before we left we were ribbing him about having to stay still 11 and he was still nice about it! :)

haha okay, on hindsight maybe this job isn't so bad afterall, like we get to meet so mnay different people from all walks of life. people like dick lee and denise keller. serious. they came by in the afetrnoon when pox and i were struggling with the SUEPER HEAVY front door. good thing we didn't like let it slip and hit them or something. now that would be a MAJOR faux pas. :)

yucks and we have to wear makeup and black leggings and court shoes. pooh. okay pray for us! =D

-anne
catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day

when working is not fun.

after having stood like a scarecrow for 8 hours straight, appeared to be a really boring parrot that kept repeating "welcome" and "have a nice day", stoned infront of ringing telephone besides gossipy operators, attempting to push open a 1000 tonnes heavy glass door every single second, wad else erm yar and walking on terribly uncomfortable shoes, i've concluded that working is totally not fun. haix, and this was how my first day doing WEP at conrad hotel started off. oh well basically we were supposed to be at the front desk (u think of sth super nice: asking guests for their room numbers blahblah) but NOO... in the end, u feel realyl super extra. and i've decided that wearing court shoes equals to courting death. i can hardly walk in them, looking more like a waddling duck. well, enough of the complaints, there's still another 9 more days to go! and 8 hrs each time! which means 72 hrs of free child labour! now tell me who in the right mind would have agreed to this, me sadly.

okay moving away from the crappy day that i had just gone thru, i suddenly feel really selfish. it's like i'm always stuck in my own hole of problems, thinking that everything revolving ard me is so important and significant that i've just ignored the feelings of others. well the person i'm really sorry and indebted to would most probably not be reading this, but i still like to say that i'm really sorry, i nv meant to ignore ur feelings. i c an't believe i was so insensitive to make such a decision, nv spared a thought for you. i think the worst is to ever hurt someone without knowing it, i think wadever i do will not be able to make up for it. i'm truly sorry. wad kind of friend am i lar.

pris

when working is not fun.

and then we'll just look at each other eyeball to eyeball, laugh ourselves silly, fling our arms out and flop down onto the sand.

i'm so bushed. haha so why am i still typing away merrily at this hour, it being WAY past my bedtime. :) it's just this spur of the moment thing, when pox and i very rarely decide to take up this really WORTHY pastime. again. :) haha we'll see if this continues.

my hols are gone! i feel the need to grouch here. but i really really shouldn't. cause you see, the only person i can blame for making me so VERY busy is meee. but for the next 2 weeks pox and i have wep attachment at conrad so it's poof to those two weeks. and last week there was this super-irritating-takes-up-your-free-time-and-not-so-free-time assignment. and cause i procrastinated, ladididum and went out everyday, heh my project dragged the entire week.

oops. :)

and this week was family week! and maddening piano pract week. haha i love my parents. i mean i really really do. not in the i-love-you-because-you-gimme-moneh-and-feed-me kind of way, but in the i-really-dont-know-what-i'll-do-without-you way. as in don't you ever just realise for a very freakish moment how much your parents and sister/brother mean to you? like if the next instance they all just disappear, you won't have people who'll love you NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. and you wont have people who'll let you be who you are. and most of all you wont have people to reallyreallyreally love and well, love even more. :)

so i say, reallyreally treasure your parents or parentals or whatever you refer to them as. i mean seriously. haha this sounds really morally and whatnot doesn't it? haha i'm maturing! :DD but seriously, if i ever want to think about more serious [this word is SERIOUSLY overused] stuff, i'll rather think about these things, and not like well, sad things. okay the last sentence was probably incomprehensible to most, but. :)

anyway, go HUG YOUR PARENTS NOW. if that's too great a leap of faith in loving them more, then just be a teensy weensy bit nicer to them, even if it seems really insignificant. we all like being loved, so what makes your family any different. haha i need to go hug them myself now. HAPPY HUGGING! [alliteration!] oh-ho.

-anne

and the sand shall be our castle, the sea our doorway and the sky the roof over our heads.

howdy

howdy-doo. it's been a rather long time, quite a long while in fact. but no worries, everything shall be back to its normal rountine soon enough, i.e. dead blog. :) but anyway, was just feelign mildly inspired after a really good walk out by the beach. haha contemplative mood, no? but ahh well, my contemplations have no room here. BUT! they do have for this reallyreallyreally meaningful thingum i read in the AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A ONE-YEAR-OLD! [don't worry, my mental faculties are entirely up to the exhaustive task of reading it]

but i digress.

anyway. there's this really cute excerpt talking about merry-go-rounds. when i got past reliving the sheer physical thrill of it all, i started to ponder on the journey that the horse and i had been on. what occurred to me was this: we had gone nowhere. we had gone in a circle... YET THE TRIP ITSELF HAD BEEN STUPENDOUS. maybe, just maybe, sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. really sorry to the author i ripped this off.

don't you think it's so wonderful? okay, maybe you need to read the book. but we're ALWAYS lamenting how we want to reach somewhere, soemthing, someone SOMEHOW or another. but when we reach there, there's hardly the great THRILL and all you expected isn't it. but the expectation, the waiting, the GETTING THERE, it's the process, the entire i'm going to get there soon heightened sense of expectations that just keeps you moving. :)

ust some qwiebacks for your mind to digest on. :) oh well, anyway don't really suppose there'll actually be ppl reading this, but i like my thougths penned down. sometimes.

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime [the way i want your eyes to look]

-anne

the resurrection of the blog!

it's an amazing how many months since the last post. and suddenly there's gg to be an influx of entries! WAH. okay actually i'm held under gun point to crap out something. oh well, it's the hols now but it totally feels so dead and xian. haix there's crappy RMUN, physics pt to chiong (which i've completed!) and WEP for 2 whole weeks! wouldn't it be nice if we could just hire this private jet and fly off to some ulu countryside, hide from all the responsibilities and pts blah blah. i know this sounds really selfish of me lar but wad's hols if you still have to put on ur sch uniform? argh i've ran out of stuff to say liao. i dont' want sec4 year to end!! it's like already going on to the 2nd semester and my class is super nice and i dont' want to leave it. oh well random ramblings. i want to go france now! hmm i sound really whiny here, but well i just hope no one ever reads this entry and it'll disappear into cyber space sooner or later. can u imagine a world without computers now? haha we should come up with a wanton mee video considering the success of the baw chow mee one! ahahah pure crap lar. kay.. that' sit!

14july

-.-

It doesn’t make sense for me to feel these tears on my face right now. But have all of you ever thought that I have my limits as well. If being ms nice girl erases all the due respect for me, then hey no more ms nice girl then. Oh, joking around you say, but does it ever strike you that jokes aren’t carried out everyday and that they are double swords drawn at the hilt as well? Oh yay joanne’s so fun to bully, let’s just insult her to her face and totally disregard what she feels and then turn around and snap when she can’t help you with a question. Oh WOW, so I’m your punching bad and information desk? Of all the things that I hate most, it’s panning people. With just you ‘loser’, ‘lousy’, ‘stupid’, don’t you know that you can just ruin someone’s day. What’s the point of putting others down? Huh, I ask you. oh no, I SHOUT at you. to show how superior you can be? Oh yes, you joke around with me, giggle along with all my jokes MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY then turn around and say that what just made you smile was so immature. Tell me, do I still want to make you smile any longer? Apparently I should still. But that, my dear friends, is called absurdity, to ask of me what you would not ask for yourself,. And I refuse. Oh but I hear you say, don’t be petty Joanne, smile, forgive and forget. Mind you, I have been smiling, forgiving and forgetting for more than enough. Would you still continue to force me to? I FLATLY refuse. If being class chair means that I have no temper, no limits to what I can accept and no respect granted, then I’m sorry, but I am every inch, every cell human as well. And all I ask is for you guys to respect me and not to freely bestow on everyone around all your ‘lousy’s and ‘loser’s. just a little respect goes a long way, y’know. and I do hope all you realise that. Now, please excuse me while I go get another packet of tissues, the current one seems to have been exhausted already.

-joanne

Are you a Carrot, an Egg or a Coffee Bean?

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"
He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
How about you? Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?
Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart?
Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to its peak flavor reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you.
How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.
pris

Are you a Carrot, an Egg or a Coffee Bean?

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"
He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
How about you? Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?
Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart?
Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to its peak flavor reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you.
How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.

pris (i koped it from somewhere)

BIA - back in action, for now

it has been around 3 months since i last posted? hmm kay maybe not that bad but i just don't ever seem to get down to writing an entry... until my dear co-owner has decided to emerge from her disappearing act as well. oh yes btw, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVE! but that's not the point for writing this entry, somehow i feel like everything must have a purpose, like i don't seem to be able to write for the sake of writing. human thoughts are very peculiar: they are so random but yet understandable at times, at least to the writer, who knows what is exactly going on in her mind and perhaps wants others to comprehend too but doesn't know how to voice it out. i dont' want to pretend to know what my co-owner was trying to express out or what was eating her up inside (maybe not that exaggerated, but bothering her). as a matter of fact, i dont' assume anyone would bother visiting this blog anymore, but i'm surprisingly, and quite rarely, in this inspired mood to talk, about stuff that are quite depressing. so if there's still any single soul reading this mindless rambling, please just ignore this crappy entry lar.

no wonder they say that teenage years is a period of growing up, learning from experiences blah blah.. the usual stereotypical but scarily true statements. having returned from a 25 days long immersion programme in france had added alot to my own experience collection, i guess more private stuff that i don't wish to mention. i love my family of 27!!!! oh wait, i'm diverging. yar, basically i just want to agree that sometimes i think i can be very selfish, humans tend to have this fear: once bitten twice shy kind of phobia. it might have been a small incident, but it could scar you for life. felt quite moody recently, seems as if anyone, even the people closest to me could get on my nerves. you just don't know whether you are thinking straight, but you just feel pissed. sounds like some mad person lar... hmm maybe i am turning into one. (okay, just joking) but the point is that (i don't seem to have any point inthis whole entry to start with) i just seem to be always losing myself to this pessimistic outlook of any and everything. but i'm slowly getting out of it. why is it that i just seem to like seeing things like that, not how optimistic others are?
argh.. i'm always losing my train of thoughts, anyway here's my copyrighted quote/random thought: the happiest people hide the most hurt, the smiles hide the tears. to my ardent readers out there(if there're any), i think this would be the only entry i'm writing for some time. too lazy to write.

pris
-you never care how much someone knows, until you know how much someone cares.

-

please try NOT to understand this post or better yet, don't read it. please. it's just the confused ramblings of a really horrible girl.



















as you just look at me, you would never have known that under the surface of this purple shirt, underneath all the face paint of liveliness and bounciness, you would never know the interior was a terribly timid and selfish girl. selfish to not let herself be vulnerable to any hurt again. ever. this isn't some ranty loveysick thingum. instead it's just how terrible i feel for how i am inside. how i want to open myself up yet i can't. not opening up like talking and sharing, that i can do. but opening up my heart and life to let someone in. you just feel exposed and selfish what if you get irrevocably hurt again. it isn't just about my own hurt too, time has shown me what lasts and what is true. yet i'm afraid of hurting others, of maybe having to put them through the same gruelling experience. i'm really sorry for being so horrible, but i can't seem to be able to just talk normally. self-consciousness makes me lose all sight of what i stand for and what i am, i just get twittered up and painfully conscious. then i slap on more face paint and cover all the unease up by not talking to you [in plural form] and just keeping a distance. this stinks, i know. and if you feel that this entry pertains to you IF you're still reading this [which you weren't supposed to since i can't figure out how to lock the blog] then please, understand that i'm really sorry. underneath this shell, this cracking exterior, i'm emerging. i'm really trying to. all that i can really offer is that i'll try and i'll really talk next time. i'm really really really sorry

joanne