this blog has lapsed into an emo outlet! which is fine and dandy i guess but hmm it's funny how things just have a way of running their own course. which is further proof for me to STOP WORRYING AND OVER-THINKING and to leave everything into God's hands (:

you may read this and you may wonder if it's you and wonder you continue to do, but you'll never guess the quarts of tears you've made me shed over the words you said which i knew sprung up from the wellspring of your concern.

but God's sovereign and omnipotent, in a way i cannot grasp nor fathom. and it's time i let go of all my preoccupations with perceptions and to praypraypraypray that friendships can return to the way God wants it to be (:

and sometimes i just mask my shyness and fear of extraness by being aloof. cause when i'm aloof, you can't touch me, you can't pierce into my consciousness and you can't see that deep inside i'm trembling with fear from all the unspoken things that hang like a fog.

because you see, this girl has heart, but no mouth

ANYWAY! omggxxed this post was supposed to be inane and cheery not in the least bit reflective! so yea! i can't remember what the weeks have been up to, they've dealt with themselves very nicely and i dont feel like recounting them so peekchures! of our silly birthday outing to the ol' haunts of raffles girls (:

OMG! strawberry shortcake in the flesh! Her Royal Cuteness for the day, puff! (:

SEXY posing with strawberry

SULTRY posing with said strawberry

i hearts yuanz dipdip

strawberry shortcake and nye(hh)!

lynette who makes boyS heartS flutter oh yea <3

oh dear camwhoring ahead

and so we prattle along on the orchard streets

and gaily live our happy girl world (:

-anne

oceans will part, nations come

at the whisper of Your call

hope will rise, glory shown

in my life Your will be done

<3

absence makes the heart grow fonder. we always take the people the things the blessings surrounding us for granted. somehow we don't realise that our lives slowly and uknowingly get intertwined with all the things in this world. we find ourselves unable to extricate from the web, a mess if we were to try to pull those things that mean so much to us apart. but amidst that emptiness, the fleeting sense of loss, the foolish human desire to cling on to the last moments, you learn to appreciate what you already have even more. and for some unknown reason, thankfully, and hopefully, the absence never lasts for eternity. the whole cycle repeats itself in your life all the time, but we never learn to get over it, we simply yearn for that missing link once more. you spend so much time mulling over it, is it worth while? is it worth the time, the silly silent tears, the worries? at least one thing you gain from this: the missing gem's worth echoes much louder with its absence.

Pris

how far does being nice go?

to the extent that you feel SO ANGRY with friends but it always seems like IT'S YOUR FAULT and you APOLOGISE OVER AND OVER and you feel like A SCRUNCHED UP BALL

or to the extent that your views are NOT THEIR VIEWS and just because of that YOUR'E WRONG

or to the extent that you feel the need to MAKE THEM HAPPY ALL THE TIME, stick to THEIR EXPECTATIONS and NEVER SHOW when you're angry

or to the extent that you can only resort to CRYING HOT ANGRY TEARS and scribbling in your NOTEBOOK DURING LECTURES

how far does suanning go?

:( 2 disparate issues, worlds apart yet linked by the common thread of transition of rg into rj.

i really felt i could do something to change. to change the status quo and as they say "step out of my comfort zone". then i plummetted. cause i realised my comfort zone didn't just reside in myself, they weren't boundaries i drew out in my head. my comfort zone lay in those around me and whatever views they held, i'll be compelled to follow. for fear of either seeming too overeager, or for fear that no one would be my support. but 2 whole years in rj and it's going to whiz by like anything. 1 year and 4 months and still counting. would the 2 years even remain as something more than a distant memory in the years to come. would anything survive out of the classroom and the twists and turns of events that brought each and every one together? or would the status quo prove too easy to fall back on and everyone's just too shy, waiting on the world to change. hycritical may be the word of the day and i'm as guilty as charged for not stepping out. for not holding on to what i believe in, but rather, allowing what is to be expected, what those around say is normal to be my stand, when it's never been that way. i know i regret today. and the many yesterdays that have flown by. and i tell myself, do i want to regret the other tomorrows to come as well? will i just let them slip away into todays and yesterdays. the spirit is willing, but oh how the heart trembles with fear and cowardice and the knowledge that conformity is safe. ):

separately. i know i let my emotions yoyo me around and i retreat into my cave and push people away when the yoyo dips and falls. but i never wanted it to turn out this way. true, i never thought about what inaction could do, how unspoken words could be communicated as clearly and how our friendship was so important to me. but i never knew just how complicated things could be when you take what other people say into consideration even though you know it's not true. i've let their words rock my security, rock the sweetness of friendship. but i just cant seem to force the words from inside out to say sorry. for the times i've turned away and closed my eyes to hide to avoid people saying more than necessary. ):

-anne

WHAT THE PONGS!! why do things like these happen to me!

read: I LOCKED MYSELF INSIDE THE HOUSE -.-

so now i'm sitting infront of my comp trying to do work whilst bemoaning the the fact that i SHOULD BE AT CELL AND SPEEDLIGHT AND I'M MISSING OUT ON ALL THE FUN AND LEARNING AND HOLY COMMUNION AND THE SERMON >:( if there's a day when i need to knock some commonsense into my head instead of bumbling around today's the day.

it's amazingly ironic how much i want to be INSIDE the house when i'm locked outside and now how much i want to be OUT OF THE HOUSE when i'm locked inside. oh grah! and my room's locked with the keys and EVERY other thing that could occupy my attention like my dear Bible so now i've to settle for bumming around in the living room and checking if the kitchen is still unlocked. cause EVERY OTHER ROOM is locked as well. whatthepongggggggsssssssss.

and norman amanda and jess's reactions weren't exactly encouraging! -.-
norm: she what?! how did she do that!?! *HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*
jess: you what?! *HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH*
amanda: OMG joanne chan *HAHAHAHHAHHA*

NO SENSE OF SYMPATHY!!

BYE i'm off to contemplate my fate rawr >(

-anne

i've been drafting posts and requiems in my head but those can be tucked away for a little later.
all i want to say in its full exhibitionist glory is i'm realising just how delicious life is and how deliriously happy i've been since we came to the fork in the road. and sometimes, the urge to post exhibitionist photos is just too overwhelming for some, isn't it? like an arm accessory to be proudly displayed. but wellwell, the only realisation that cut through the thick was just how fun it has been without all the emotional strings and baggage. (:
and that, is not something to prove with photos. (:

don't say you love me;

-anne