taking for granted

you don't realise how important your closest loved ones are to you, how you always depend on them for the nitty-gritty stuff, how your life can feel so empty and quiet without them, until they just disappear. at least it might only be temporary this time, so there's still chance to make up, but what if you had your last chance already?

Pris

joanne chan, heed good advice and

i'm dead tired of and from orientation, it's so draining and i'm as tired as pips the blood has drained from my lips. i'm being incoherent but whatever this post was meant for me to understand and remember stuff.

talking to sma is good haha makes me happy shalalala! but i'm not going to let myself be moved more than necessary cause well, cause tremours and the aftershocks they wreak havoc of a magnitude unrecorded on the richter scale. ):

this sounds really catchy but really harsh and sad too. here is the door, step out of my life. SO EMO RIGHT! nono i'm not emo, just that i'm good at coming up with catchy uh catchphrases :D

the more i think about it, the deeper i excavate, the more i find myself deviating from what seems to be your perfect girl

but fatjojohead is here to stay and stay true to herself she will cause she's going to

hold out for a hero

no mo' emo nemo! (: the many things to say, the many happy things to un-emofy this space after chang's timely reminder and markypoo's wonderful assurances!

but waitswaits no times no times! so this will be short and inane. but YAY 6q Christmas dinner coming good food + awesome company = UNFORGETTABLE! but i still think we're super mean if we all get treated la SAMSOH you! TSK BOONLAY AH. :D

anyway. my mommy wants to get electronic backup of all out old photos haha so was sorting through all the photos and look what the years have done to my sister and i. HAI. haha we're super cute la! :D:D:D oh the bygone days of cute unglamness (:

twas after some prize presentation i think in like kindergarten! haha evidently already in the business of acting cute OOPS :D

-anne

a guy who makes you cry is not worth your tears.

oh man it's the sweetest thing i've heard today (:

and i'm just so sorry. there's so many things i want to say, so many things i want my actions to speak so loudly to you. but i'm just so scared and so unsure and so worried it'll all be so extra.

expectations are good in their own right but sometimes the higher you dream the harder you fall.

and i know it's been really childish of me, but she's everything i'm not, and sometimes it seems we're on totally different planes of existance.

3 more chances for me to right it all after dryrun2. and i pray i'll stop screwing things up ):

pris' no. 10 never seems to be advice come a little too late.

and how i wish i'll just get under all my layers of onion-ness and unease and shyness and abcdefgness and know what to do whenever you're around. sometimes i wonder if i'm just daft, those i love, they'll never know because they are privy to a whole host of weird treatments to cover up the very fact they mean so much to me. maybe the insecurity of not knowing how you feel tips the balance overly.

oh well.

oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my ways,
even when i fail You,
i know You love me.
i know You love me

-anne

Never say never

Across these couple weeks of the holidays, just did some reflection, thought about the year that had slipped through my fingertips, and came to these few conclusions:

Never assume that something wouldn't ever happen to you, it will strike you when you least expect it.
Never think that you can stand alone, maybe one day you just need someone to prop you up
Never say that you wouldn't feel lost or confused or helpless (sth you wouldn't want to admit), without first letting yourself into such a situation
Never be indecisive, it's bad bad just very bad for all
Never abandon your friends (the close ones, the true ones that is) for you will always need them, even if you think you've found someone to replace all
Never assume that your friend who has lost touch with you for ages, has forgotten you, he/she might just be thinking the same way
Never feel embarrassed to show appreciation, to reveal your care and concern for your loved one, you don't know when it's too late
Never ignore msgs, replying late is bad enough, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end
Never put your hope in promises, it could be people you think would never fail you, but you never know
Never lose your heart completely to another person, it's only when you experience this when you know you really never ever want to feel this way.

Can't think of anymore, will add on if i can.

Pris

P.S. Don't continue chasing after things or people if they are not meant to be. Perhaps it was just an evanescent tingling of the heart

Christmas joy

I'm pretty sure no one can disagree that the end of December, which heralds Christmas, is a pretty joyful season. Be it in the shopping malls, or back at home, or even along the streets, Christmas is here to stay for these few weeks. So what exactly is it about Christmas that makes one happy? Receiving presents that you have been longing for? Meeting up with friends and family whom you haven't seen for ages? Taking a good break from the work that has been clinging on to you? Simply indulging in your sweet delicacies and logcakes? Camwhoring amidst the Christmas lightings along orchard road? Finding an opportunity to make new year resolutions? Sharing a quiet special moment with your loved one?

Or

Remembering that Christ is the reason for the season.

It might be a mishmash of all those reasons. Commercialisation working in tandem with the church cause, or could it be gradually stealing the latter's limelight? Maybe it really boils down to what the individual thinks is making him or her so happy in the days to come. This blog wouldn't try to brainwash anyone, regardless of your religious denomination, but i personally believe that it is also because of the true reason for this season that there are so many other reasons for us to cheer about, to rejoice over, to share the joy of the season with. When you find the true source of happiness, there you will find many springs many wells of happiness waiting to be uncovered. It's not too late to find out the true reason of Christmas. Share with your loved ones, spread to strangers, God Bless everyone this christmas!

Pris

Everyone needs Someone

Just wanted to share this really lovely poem by Helen Steiner Rice

People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love of a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldy fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And hols us close in their thoughts and prayers -
For only the knowledge that we're understood
makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we lock up our hearts and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

Pris

yay. fine and dandy, wrapped and packaged from kl. (: just got back today, am super tired. and shopping is the bomb! it drains every ounce of energy and complicates matters by imposing shoppers' guilt and faitgue. oh the tangled webs of pleasure we weave!

je suis tres desolee, mais je ne comprend pas.

i think my conjugation's abit off. but yeah the essence is there!

and i think i've returned to a world turned upside down. inside out. msn convos are scaring me. especially when it's not a self-contained quarantined weirdness. :S

-anne

YAY. rekindle retreat is the bombzz yo!

but now i'm sick.

even after being lovingly sponged down last night and showered with the manymanymany love from ushers, eueu, van, premature boyfriend HAHA. yay i love you all alot for making retreat so special; allowing us to grow closer spiritually and emotionally. (: even if i've been a walking bag of germs :D

i'm freezing now. my head is throbbing, my nose is leaking and i'm whining at the computer. D: i think my fever's acting up again. which accounts for the lack of coherence.

so toodles while i scoot off to my bed&bath (: will blog more when i'm in a more stable state of mind!

-anne

my life has never been this clear
now i know the reason why i'm here
you never know why you're alive
until you know what you would die for

certain events with certain people have just rattled the cage and stirred things deep inside of me. and it's made me feel like a trussed up chicken squawking away and tussling with the strings that cut deep into where it hurts the most.

and Pastor Pacer's sermon on sunday was really apt, it was as though God was really just speaking straight to my heart, unwrapping all the cutting, tangled strings of confusion, hurt, passion and anger. scoff all you want and be cynical, but i believe and know that Jesus is real to me. conviction in action, i'm going to contend for my faith.

it's times like these when the line between tact, sensitivity and conviction just seems to double-cross itself. and as i reflect on the occasions where words arose in my mouth to defend, it would remain lodged between my heart and my mouth for fear of crossing that same dubious line into tactlessness and insensitivity. but consider it from another point of view, have you gallantly stridden across the very divide as well?

the closest way to encapsulate all i've been feeling is in this tidy package i've unearthed from my diary.

"and i've got to realise that i cannot please everyone and that i have a right to hold my opinion on matters. I believe and know that Jesus is God and the one and only Lord of lords. there's a fine line between insensitivity to others and standing by what you believe in. and in the face of strong opposition and personality, it's been just too easy to err on the side of caution. but i'm entitled to what i believe in and it's just going to show in my attitude, in my words and in my life. i'm not going to compromise myself and Jesus again for the opinions of others. and by the grace of God, may i still exhibit sensitivity to others while upholding my faith."

mmhm.

on the walk to school today, with mercyme playing in my ears and the wind tousling my hair back from my face, it was just so peaceful. so serene. and i could just feel God drawing me closer to Him, even though i've strayed and tried to rely on my own insignificant strength over and over again. He's always been there, just waiting and loving. loving with a magnitude this heart can never fully grasp. it's just His reassurance that i don't have to feel this confused, this convoluted and that i can just entrust it all to Him. even when the words of those i treasure may splice through me like a blade, it's nothing compared to the agony He went through, punctuated by the nailprints in His hands.

there. (:

-anne

and i know that i can find You here
'cause You promised me You'll always be there
times like these, it's hard to see
but somehow i have a peace, You're near
and i pray that You will use my life
in whatever way Your name is glorified
even if surrendering,
means leaving everything behind

on another note, here's to morning calls and sleepy yawns (: