hello friends!

the few that still do read this little forgotten corner of the WWW :) thank you for following me through the lows and the highs of my life. of the times when i've needed to believe there was someone out there, safe in his/her anonymity that was reading my words and empathising with me. God's really been leading this little sheep, though as far as sheep go, this has got to be one of the most stubborn and quietly rebellious sometimes. :P i thank God for all seasons of my life, for the beauty and for the pain, for the growth and for the falls. this blogspace somehow feels riddled with alot more angst than i actually care to remember. because God made life beautiful and Im not going to be drawn to angst. :)

so i'll be moving, to a brighter, whiter space, where I want God to take control, to be seen in my weaknesses and not to obscure Him with my minute strength. :)

take care loves, be blessed in Christ :)
-

when the new space is up, will update accordingly!

it's been ages since i've last updated! somehow it feels like the urge to blog only manifests itself when i'm down and i need an outlet to just spew all my inner ramblings.

like thinly-veiled, multi-layered expressions that say what i feel, but in a really oblique manner. the problem with me is, i want you to know, without me having to say a word.

i wish you had called back instead of just messaging.
-

oh VELLS! on a side note, not a brighter note though (cause it's still so hazy out), I MISS MY BEAUTIFUL SKIES :( of crisp clear blue in the wee hours of the morning, like the air's just been scrubbed. and of deep crimson hues in the dusk as the sun stretches lazily into the horizon. OH INDONESIA! you who colour my palette grey! >:(

joanne chan hurts. joanne chan feels deeply. why is it that i always want to wear my heart on my sleeve and bare my emotions. but i can never bring myself to show everyone that i hurt, that i'm not always chirpy. that i'm confused, that i'm so utterly human.

being in Christ, doesn't mean i can always look at things through rose-tinted shades, and never struggle with having to let God take control. it doesn't mean that i have it more together than anyone else. it's more so that i really dont have it otgether and that i need God..

let not words just be easy to say; help me put them into action.

Dear Lord,

I need Your guidance. No more pretentiousness, no more putting up a facade, no more pleasing others over pleasing You, no more talk and no action. All things are in Your hands, and I will and can only do what I can.


By Grace Alone

btw NICE RIGHT THE CUFF!! i want!! hahah http://store.dayspring.com/bygralcubr.html teehee and http://store.dayspring.com/bygralne.html
---

the mired mix of confused stress and carefree (careless?) decadence

i realise i've walls built around me, a fortress if you may. to upkeep the facade of complete together-ness, that i've the picture-perfect life. almost picture-perfect. like some idyllic story, where everyday is sunny, where i'll be able to see sunshine and rainbows no matter what the situation is, cause hey! i've got a pretty cushy life don't i?

i'm not saying i'm not blessed, i'm immensely so, thank God (: but i realise i dont give myself the permission to fail, to appear flawed to those around. even when there're quarrels or problems/crisis, almost no one knows, cause it just seems so imperfect to have problems. guess that why i'm so overly fixated on doing right, doing right, as defined in the eyes of those around me. to the extent that i dont make my own decisions, because I WANT TO MAKE THEM. i make them based on what others say/perceive.

growing up is way harder than i thought.

i want to just do something, make MY decision, go ahead with it, and experience life. to not be afraid to be REAL, to fall, to not be so scared of marring my facade of pseudo-perfection

oh roars! i feel my brain mass dwindling as the days flit pass, shrinking upon itself into a desolate abject little piece of mangy flesh. i was that desperate for a bit of brain gym that i actually wanted to write a GP essay all over again. just for the small, short, pleasurable moments when i wrack my mind for JUST the right word to express, to encapsulate JUST exactly what i mean. the relief and pride i feel each time i get JUST the word is almost laughable sometimes. TEEHEE

and a tinny voice in my ear tells me there is hope in every heartbeat lalala

:)

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

- as quoted from Adrian Tan's NTU convocation speech

i'm bursting with words, like a dam on its last legs, splitting open at the seams. but once again reality bites and i've to rush off for

TUITION.

hahaha. but i do lubbs my kid deeps deep (:

anyway! what we learnt during cell today struck a chord within me and it really did resonate (: will share more when i'm back whee. back as loosely defined with huge lapses of time elasticity HAHA.

and this song is such an encouragement! my sissy showed it to me and i didnt want to listen to her song recommendation at first (cause most of the time our music tastes run utterly parallel to each other). but it's really worth a listen (: and the piano intro is wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D thank you Lord (:

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in

Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again

Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

ohmy i feel 13 all over again. 7 years ago. wow. the emotions and tumult and questions that i had when i was 13 seem so familiar yet so utterly foreign at the same time haha. reading old blog entries do have a way of transporting you all the way back in time.

WHOOMP. 13 year-old jojoanneanne. hmm hidden under 7 years' layers of experiences and emotions and maturing and (fats) hahah

it's been ages since i've felt any deep longing to precisely put into words my emotions and thoughts. after reading lois' blog, it's like a recess suddenly opened within me, a gaping chasm that echoes hollowly and rings back in plaintive tones. i miss how i used to hide behind poems and give them subtle shades of meaning; miss the times when i freely gave myself poetic license to bare my soul in words half-shrouded in musings.

many times, God teaches me so many lessons, but i'll learn them only for abit and then lapse into my ignorant self all over again. brings to mind how deeply moved i was by my rainbow theory during As, how i firmly, resolutely, resolved to grasp every single moment and enjoy it all, both the good and the bad. it's ironic and more than a tad sad how i keep wanting to live in the future of "better things yet to come". seems like i'm an AC girl at heart haha instead of good ol' Raffles.

how many times have the thoughts of "if i had (_______)", "if (______) happened", "if (_______) was over"... flitted through this mind. why is it so hard for me to stay in the moment and enjoy the moment for what God has blessed me with? all the times when i'm afraid to be honest with myself, i'll just brush it aside and focus on the trivialities of mundane living. but the times when i'm lucid and brave enough to confront myself, i know it's cause i haven't the faith to completely trust that God plans my tomorrows and that He's already been there. i feel like it's only in my hands and the decisions i make, outweigh His plans, and i'm just afraid to completely, thoroughly, trustingly, surrender everything into His Hands.

which is so.. LAME. for lack of a better word haha. He's proven so many many times, on countless occasions that He's more than enough for me, that He's my Provider, for ALLLLLLL things big and small. He's always provided, in terms of blessings; monetary, academic, joy, friends, laughter, family.. i'm a sod, seriously, thinking about all that haha. but it's hard to be mature and thankful all the time, i'm glad that even if i am a sod, i'm a maturing sod. :)

knowing Jesus is just THIS MUCH important. i'm not out to preach, but sometimes i'm just ashamed to see how scared i am to share of the goodness of Your love, of the Truth. people flinch when we use such absolute words, words that leave no room for grey areas and to borrow a colloqualism "LIKE THAT IS LIKE THAT, NO COMPROMISE AT ALL" but Jesus didn't mince His words, He didn't say "I may be the way", He wasn't wishy-washy (as most of us, ME ME ME especially, are apt to be) He said that He's the "only Way, the Truth and the Life". so there you go, there's only 2 options for who Jesus is. He's either telling the truth or He's lying. Either He's a raving lunatic, completely mad and lying. or He's really God's Son.

when it comes down to this, how absolute and uncompromising this is, i get all chilly and admittedly, abit scared at the gravity of it all. but there's always this tingly joy and hope that prods my heart and says God is real, and He loves me.

whoaa. what an outpouring! haha. be blessed my dears :)

Lord, take control :)

i know why these few mornings have been so amazingly awesome :)

cause it's just me, squished into a corner of the sofa, the window ajar and the morning breeze. with my Bible and unlimited propensity to just sit and think and let my thoughts drift out lazily :)

i really am not a night/evening person at all haha. all my thoughts are so disjointed!

my God is mighty to save :)

fruits of the Spirit, remember remember remember

to rank all the precious commodities in this world, i think time would be one of the most understated.

how many times have i rushed through my daily activities, rushed through meetings and outings and phonecalls and memories, just to get to the next meeting outing phonecall memory. how many times have i missed those dear to me telling me to slow down, to make some time for them? and when i do take the time out, how much of myself is really there? presence with only half your heart there doesn't amount to much does it?

the gravity of this only impressed itself upon me when i was doing QT this morning. that God always has time for us, when the world turns away and you're the only one in the darkness, eyes wide shut, He's always there. How much we treasure the time of those who hold dear, yet we forget that the One who never changes, who always has time for us, who is never too busy for us, is just there, right next to our hearts.

best friends aren't just those who can tell when you're happy when you dont say a thing, they're the ones, when you call them to wish them a safe trip, to pray for journey mercies, who look through your veil of words, who know enough to say "are you okay? you sound sad." take care markypoo (: miss you (:

and reading about shepherding and dumb sheeps and the stark parallels between God and me in them just made me tear. to know that when i fall, God catches me and He may break my heart but He never breaks me. <3

rational or emotional?

hahahaha shihee's super funny! "hi my name is study" GO(h) STUDY!! hahaha. okay cheap thrill. if your surname's goh, you've got a new name for yourself, voila!

you have no idea how sad you make me feel sometimes

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
as i hide behind a wall of smiley texts

J'ai voulu écrire un message énigmatique et le faire sneakily composer en français. Mais j'ai réalisé la prolifération des traducteurs en ligne. Queest-ce qu'au point, pourquoi est vous m'apporte lisant mon poteau sur le babelfish ? haha attrapé te!
-

don't wanna leave it all behind
but i get my hopes up
and i watch them fall everytime
another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away

sprinkly sparkles of silvery shiny stars

when i was young i wanted to be a princess with long flowing locks and yep, my own trail with sprinkly sparkles of silvery shiny stars TEEHEE :D

i wonder how walking on moonbeams must feel like

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRR CS1101C YOU ARE A BIG LUMP OF POOP!!

STUPID POINTERS ANYHOW ANYHOW POINT HERE POINT THERE FOR WHAT!!

point point point.

i need to go play squash! haha social squash as darren calls it since we prolly talk more than we run

POINT POINT POINT POINT!!!!!

bananafana fee fi fo fum
goobbledygook zonk zonk zonk
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you dont have words ONOMATOPOEIA FTW

TAN LEI LEI WHERE ARE YOU I CANT WAIT FOR THIS TO ALL BE OVER AND WE CAN ESCAPE BACK TO SOME SEMBLANCE OF PSEUDO RJ LIFE MISS HOW YOU ALWAYSALWAYS UNDERSTAND ME )):

IN OTHER NEWS, (insert name of undecided location) with poxy markypoo and (insert name/s of unfinalised escapees) in june! HAH!

lock lock lock lock throwwwwwwww!

i love love love love love this webpage so much!

http://homegrownhospitality.typepad.com/photos/rak_doodles/#tp

when i was feeling pretty angsty just now, reading those little snippets of wisdom and knowing that they're grounded in God's Word as well, really did lift my spirits. (: i wanted to ROARRRR but okay no roar, but to let God take control :)

whenever i listen to some of yiruma's piano pieces, somehow it transports me to a time when i'll be sitting in a window seat and the only things outside my cabin window are the fluffiest clouds imaginable and everythings' in smooth transit, in flight, in stationary motion

Just read today's Daily Bread and before reading it, God led my heart to a fresh new realisation. that i dont have to wait till i'm less busy, till i'm more mature, till circumstances around me are more 'perfect', till i've strong spiritual support to know Him better, to really purpose in my heart to walk in His ways and really know the God of this entire universe.

i think many times, it's just too easy for us to forget that our God is the Lord of ALL CREATION, of everything, yet He's still a personal God, He's our Father and loves us so much. i take that for granted alot ALOT. without actually realising the MAGNITUDE of the blessing and the COST Jesus paid for us to never be estranged from God.

change my heart O Lord
make it ever true
change my heart O Lord
may i be like You

whereever you are in your journey with God, remember that God doesn't play favourites, and He loves you THIS MUCH! (:

when was the last time you challenged yourself to move out of your comfort zone?

hmmm. trials produce perseverance, perseverance produces character and character brings about hope (:

are you all you want to be? are you all God wants you to be? (:

runny noseee itchy throattt hot eyess (i'm not implying that my eyes are well, hot, they just get hot when toopid fever comes haha) whineyyyy! i think the air in lt7a is BUGGED.

by Your stripes we are healed! goooo awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. tmr i must be able to say my flu flew away!

aye munna scheep

IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB!!!

actly to be quizzically more precise and annoyingly cryptic like how s and i were saying, it's more of IHHILB instead of just plain ol' IHB. but I DONT CARE for now IHB IHB IHB IHB IHB ARGH

dntwnbjddbtsmslkthrlssrrsntblvinlv

and that was actually a coherent thought. ARGH!

rawr. need time to recharge and be alone with God and just boing back to the me i'm familiar with. getting locked out of yr HOSTEL room is rawr. why do i have a penchant for getting locked in/locked out haha i think i should tie my transponder to my hair so i'll nv forget it

Can You take me by the hand
Can You use me as I am
Break me into who You want me to be

When the time is finally right
Will You open up my eyes
Show me everything You want me to see

:)

when the stress starts setting in, the pseudo-panicky mode threatens to set in and i look at the mounting work and think WHERE HAVE ALL THE WORK IVE DONE THIS SEM GONE TO??? You quieten my heart, You hold me, You whisper into my heart that i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and i know You'll always be in control

i stray, i fall, i break, but Lord, You never let me go. help me

:)

ANNE OH ANNE OH ANNE OH ANNE OH ANNE OH!!!!!!!

i'll tell you just what you mean to me
i'll tell you these simple truths;

be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope;
you're gonna do great things,
i already know :)
God's got His hand on you,
so don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here

:)

and so we all dream of
sunny skies and rainbows threading through clouds scarfing through the air
and of how the whole world fades and only two matter;
each to the other
of shared laughter and locked-in gazes
and your own happily ever after

we're all created in the image of God, who is Love Himself. no wonder this unceasing unrelenting search that all of humankind has for the very epitome of love.
-

LOVE CHONGZ VIVI NETTE!! <3 we all wanna escape from the new world of uni and go back to being childish innocent slap-happy pinafore-clad girls who'll have luoye dances and potatopillowfights and thought we were invincible just because our world only consisted of orchard, home, love and daydreams

staying on campus comes with the double-edged sword of obligations and necessities. and i realise after today, once again, that while teasing and making fun of others have their own right in pure good-humoured, good-natured fun, there're boundaries as well. and it rankles within the soul when others rib you about being too trusting and too gullible. so it's wrong that i actually trust what you say? after which you laugh in my face and call me guileless;

i think i'm actually quite angry. >:(

it's amazing, it's wonderful how God uses the lowest points in our lifes and can turn them around to glorify His name and really strengthen us in faith. i never really truly understood the nuance of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12, "for when i am weak, then i am strong" and that God's grace is sufficient for us and that His power is made perfect in weakness.

strength when i'm weak, when i've fallen time and time again. fallen so short of God's standards, it is then when one is broken that you'll really understand what the grace of God is. it is only then when all strength is exhausted, that i'm willing to finally see that i'm inadequate, that only God is adequate. it is when i'm broken, that i'll truly yield myself to His Spirit. and i'm glad He's drawn me back, to show me that the Author and Perfector of my faith is still continuing a good work in me. (:

i havent written in my journal in a long time and when i read it again today, i realised that i've actually forgotten alot of the truths that i've learnt over all the tumultuous experiences that God is brought me to, and most faithfully brought me THROUGH.

a good reminder was to LIVE FOR GOD and not for people. that it shouldnt' concern my heart as much what others thought of me, but more importantly what God thinks of me. that it doesn't matter so much what the world thinks, cause they'll never truly know my heart. everyone has a standard to emulate, a higher threshold of goodness they believe in. but even if i conformed to what others define as good and obtain their approval, does it necessarily mean it is completely, entirely, most-assuredly good? only in the standards of God will there be full confidence placed and for too long, i've forgotten what the verse of that song means. Jesus, my heart must know i'm pleasing to You

Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ... And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. 2 colossians 3:12-14, 17

:)

these photos always make me laugh! hahahahaha especially when i toggle between the two HAHAHHA.

here's one dearly loved person whom i know will always love me, understand my crazy jokes, make me laugh, fight with me and still know that she'll never leave me nor i her <3

treasure those you have in your life (:

and i was just very lazily pondering about phases of life and i realised, too many times, we're either missing the past too much or too impatiently waiting for the future. so it's not so much the here and now, but the then and after. which brought me back to my rainbow theory again! haha. and i've decided, good times or bad, heartache or heartflight, i'll savour each moment, every second of being alive, of being able to feel. (:

isn't this such a cute book! :D i saw it on big daddy weaves' fb status and awww. haha so i went to find out more about it.

All children want reassurance that their parents' love runs wide and deep. In Guess How Much I Love You, a young rabbit named Little Nutbrown Hare thinks he's found a way to measure the boundaries of love. In a heartwarming twist on the "I-can-do-anything-you-can-do-better" theme, Little Nutbrown Hare goes through a series of declarations regarding the breadth of his love for Big Nutbrown Hare. But even when his feelings stretch as long as his arms, or as high as his hops, Little Nutbrown Hare is fondly one-upped by the elder rabbit's more expansive love.

aww. indeed, love is such a force that cannot be encapsulated with words nor can it truly be understood until experienced.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

:)

numb. and i think i'm going to come back crying.

just typed out a WHOLEEE bunch of stuff about bygone issues that only chose to surface now. but dear Lord, i commit them all into your hands, to wipe away all bitterness, all indignance and to have Your love and strength to really forgive and forget. (:

it's hard. but now i'm trying to really put the fruits of the Spirit into action, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness and self-control. (: and these few days, i'm focusing on love. to love others as God has first loved us. when we were so unlovable, God loved us. what mighty Love that is, and i pray I'll learn to walk in His footsteps (:

give my _____ back to me

when you suddenly feel your heart plummet into your shoes
like you're on a lift to nowhere
-
to cryptically quote avril-
what's wrong with my tongue
these words keep slipping away

-

stupid tearducts i command you to STOP

STOP being a baby joannechanguaycheng

i'm so thankful for how God has walked me through the past 20 years, for all the highs and lows, for blessing me so wonderfully, for sending so much love my way and touching my life with sunshine every waking moment. (:

i'm not going to be exhibionistic and talk about every single thing that has happened haha. come to think of it, this is quite the anti-thesis of a blog. somehow announcing all the details of my calendar out on a webspace just unsettles me haha. blame it on the techno-dino that just refuses to blow away along with the last vestiges of my teens.

but i'm supremely thankful for everything, so so so so so so happy and loved and blessed (:

i know! i shall allow that one bit of vain exhibitionism, i'll post photos of bday lunchie! with daddy and mumu and meimei at say cheeze! :D soon. haha lazy to upload HAHA old alr la HAHA

i think i pendulum between peaks and troughs of highs and lows. and i still cant decide if that's a good or bad thing. the smallest things, like thinking of ham sandwich for breakfast can make me feel like skipping around the house in absolute glee, yet the most trivial of matters like a slight nuance of words can also send dark clouds thundering at my temples. dear Lord, i put my emotions and my heart into Your hands (:

i hate being so busy i hate being so busy i hate being so busy.

maybe im just pms-ing hah

i think.. i think... i may just abhor the obligations of fb haha. who the pongs has the time to stay on fb and reply msges so fast?!

and pongss i'm mildly miffed. pfft. roar. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i couldn't make it. but i still reserve my right to say no. because sometimes saying no, just means i've priorities elsewhere.

good thing not many ppl know about this little webspace.

I'M TWENTEEN :O i'm aghast. haha. but i'm even more aghast at rhaps. or petrified would be a better word.

this was meant to be a slaphappy thanksgiving post on all the lurbex i'm so thankful for! and how i'm so thankful for every single one who's made this year's triple happiness multiply many folds over (: but that'll have to wait since..

RHAPSSSSSSSSSSS

ahhh!! i'm flipping out about rhaps. please dear God, please please take control and help us find favour with osa and get it all properly perfectly done!

i hate waking up in the mornings from a horrible nightmare. it's not so much the nightmare itself, cause i barely remember it at all. sometimes i dont think i dream in details, or even in visuals, i think i dream in emotions. a whirling kaleidoscope of flitting emotions. and whenever this happens, it always makes me feel so drained. and so disoriented, like i'm still toeing the line between the ephemeral and the tangible.

it's like somehow all the dna that makes me me, scrambles itself up and i'm coming to terms with a whole new person. ohmy this borders on schizo doesnt it hah.

but thank God for soothing mornings, and cleansing early morning smells. i just sat at my window and really watched the clouds roll by, let the sounds of the morning bustle wash around me but not touch me. sitting cocooned in my own reverie.

and i think my dream had shreds of ./a.out from CS. no wonder i felt so strange. OH CS YOU PIG TO TRESPASS INTO MY SLUMBER.

and ooh. the skies suddenly burst into morning colours. was like a switch suddenly being thrown by God (: and i commit this day unto Him (:

to grow in purity and uprightness (:

private entries tucked into an obscure corner of the entire blogsmos ftw

sometimes i wonder what God has planned out. what He has in store. cause i cant seem to see beyond my two feet. to see beyond what i feel.

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path. and even though sometimes Your ways, i cannot understand, i'll never walk away because my future's in Your hands.

credits to planetshakers. kudos kredos kredits.

imy?

nights world

i'm so tired. sometimes i feel as though my time is being divided out into infinitesimally small portions and parceled out to various commitments, people and obligations.

Let T be time, where dT is an infinitesimally small segment that doesn't seem to mean much on its own. but oh go ahead and take its summation and this girl sometimes feels like she can never really match up. there's always more she can do, more she can contribute, more she SHOULD contribute.

i'm beginning to see why it's prudent and wise when the Bible teaches that God's expectations should be the only focus of our lives. cause it makes things all the more clearer, with one ultimate focal point as the rest will fall into place on their own. trying to meet the expectations of everyone will really only befuddle and addle our minds even more so.

Lord i give You my heart
i give You my soul
i live for You alone

every breath that i take
every moment i'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

sometimes. i just want the license to be pensive and quiet.

the geek in me goes awww

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teehee :D

roarrrrr. i hate cramps. :(( :'( STUPID OSCILLATIONS AND BIG T hahhaha i miss lei siti grace jukie :(

i want green skirts and white blouses and watercooler escapades and walking through the canteen on the way to pe and chionging to library to kope MY TABLE ahahah and writing on each others' lecture notes and pulling skirts and coming up with names for teachers and windy benches and silly classboys doing stupid things like fishing for bangl*s and makign holes in walls and hiding things in the ceiling and walking down the long path to j8 andandand

my sister can be quite cute hahaha she called me jojojiejie awww *heart melt* teehee

cause everyone needs a friend to hold, when it's cold outside and there's no place to go

corrinne may roxxorrrssssss! love how her lyrics meld so many reminders of God's Word into it as well :)

please God, take control, of every single detail in my life. cause You alone are God and im not. hold my hand and guide me for You're my Good Shepherd (:

boys like girls sing of paper bags and plastic hearts. but here's talking about paper cuts and paper tears.

unwieldy scissors in arts and crafts
snip a gnashing hole in paper parts
slicing through deep red,
splicing through paper-thin masks.
pulp ripping through the fibres
holes
tears in the paper
paper tears

came across a very exceedingly distant junior's blog (in all sparseness of the definition of junior) and was extremely blessed by it. by his maturity and spiritual insights and also the rawness of it, the honesty of how hard and trying life is. and the reality of how it's more than okay to need help, that we'll always need help from above, from the One who holds us through everything.

the joy of the Lord's my strength, and i'm going to be a sunbeam for Him!(: throw away what the world expects, what all the different conflicting noise say, and listen to His still small voice. i want to be a vessel for God, for Him to use me to touch those around me, to show His love through me.

i think sometimes i'm envious of people who, by the grace of God, have found what 1 corinthians 13 talk about. but everything's in His time, for He makes all things good (:

need to sit down with my head and heart right before God and process what 2010's going to mean for me. i cant plan the future, but i can very well commit it all into His hands and live everyday to the utmost, to the fullest for Jesus (((: for He says that " I've come that they may have life, and have it abundantly"

HOOORAY! (:

Show me Your ways, O Lord,
teach me Your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Saviour,
and my hope is in You all day long.
- psalm 25:4-5

and one of my all time favourite verses!

Trust in the Lord with all Your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
- proverbs 3:5-6

to the pongs with confusion and meandering paths, and trusting in God ftw!

last week of the holsssssssssssssss pongs pongs pongs quickly playyyy and enjoy the last remaining months of being a teen! hahaha im going to treasure being a wilful kid for just that much longer. well, after i settle cors and admin duties haha roars then yay, play, make my day!!!11one hahaha :D