ey says this blog is full of emo posts. ironically he told me over msn. ironic because i'm starting to not like msn. one only need wonder how many emo posts have been INSPIRED by msn. which is funny again when you think of how our very first argument was over my adamant decision not to use msn, which i finally did, which is another funny thing.

the waiting, the double-clicking, the clickclackclickityclack, the furious backspacing, clickclackclickityclack, backspacing, backspacing, backspacing

what a funny thing

12 there was you, 34 closed the door, 56 splintered red, 78 too little too late

you come creeping in at the most untimely of moments

a most uninvited, but yet wholly welcomed intruder into my innermost thoughts

oh bugger
-
maybe all i want to do is go back to 2006

waiting

i waited one year
then ten years
a life time
i looked out of the window
admired the nightsky
followed the stars
thought that they would lead me
to the right one

but i waited
and waited
yet the right one never seem to come
the one who cared
the one who listened
the one who spoke with tender words
the one who knew my heart's desire
(the one who dried my tears, not make me tear)

i looked out of the window
longingly
for a long long time
i dreamt of pretty things
carrying me away
but it never seem to come true
i felt saddened, i felt abandoned

i had waited
and waited
in vain

then i decided to turn away
and look within for the very first time
(or maybe i had looked this way before,
but my heart was always turning outside)
then i realised i wasn't the only one who waited

She waited one year
and ten years
a lifetime
as I looked out of the window

She looked upon me longingly
tenderly, with all the care
Behind my back, she watched over me
Within her heart she cried, when i cried
She listened every word I said,
but i was straining my ear for that voice from outside

And this story repeats itself,
generation after generation

We wait and wait
one year
ten years
a lifetime

Don't wait
till it's too late
just to keep looking for that 'soulmate'
and leave her or him to wait.

a distinct sense of discomfort permeates
rankling just beneath the skin
small stabs of pain that prick at the soft muscle
and so you do what you are famed for
wrapping one, no two, nay three layers of sheen over
the foreign object lodged within
protection you say, from all that hurts!
the tides ebb and flow
and the layers increase with its passing
behold! Its layers of lustre, the stratums of shine
then you realise too late,
with a vague sense of unfeelingness
that you no longer have a heart




for it’s encased in pearl
-

woe to that day if it ever comes, and i pray it never will. a moment of hurt is one thing, but a lifetime of unfeelingness is quite a horror altogether

YAYYYYYY! 3 more papers only! haha acktooaally ah it doesn't really matter to me already cause now i just come home and sleep, then study till 7 (I'VE IMPROVED!) and then woohoo it's ME TIME!

i know why i'm so happy :D haha cause i reread the tags on the tagboard and they were so hilarious they removed every single blight the exams have posed as (:

love to friends <33333.14

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

i'm learning my lesson. that sometimes we can't love only those who love us. I fail and i fall and i keep falling short of the standards set. But by the grace of God and with His strength, i'm going to start loving everyone that comes into my life and treating them not in response to how they treat me but how Jesus would treat them (:


haha i was going to sign off UNTIL I REMEMBERED hahahahah okay toodles!

z0mg. there're a billion things nicer to talk about, to post about, to wax lyrical over. but mugging [no not studying, even less so learning] just drains all my inspiration a w a y and i dont even mug after 6 -.-

friday is insanity squeezed, distilled and concentrated in its truest form. hyperbole eh.

cannot.wait.for.end.of.friday. then saturday brings love's labour's lost!! i'm so excited now, it's been eons since i last watched a play. cause NOONE wanted to watch dimsum dollies ): yay play prelims go away! woohoo my language skillz is teh proz.

haha from now on we're both not going to sign off so go figure who's who.



and it's hard to traverse between-


this post is so pessimistic ):

sept 6

i don't really get it.did community service in the past 2 years?served the school as a leader in any way?performed exceedingly well in a sport?aced your childhood away?picked up any skills outside of sch?travelled abroad to help others?must we always use such yardsticks to determine the worth of a person?maybe i'm speaking from a position that is quite sparse in all these areas, achievements/accomplishments/noteworthy points so to speak. this sounds selfish, self-centered, narrow-minded, but then why can't we live for ourselves? you shd start judging people based on what they desire to achieve, what suits them in their own individual shell, not take society's absurb measurements and forcefully thrust upon them. it could determine their future, their career, their life. if i like spending my days at home just mulling over stuff, not seeing a need to interact with the old folks simply for the sake of CIP hours, but instead spending precious time with my loved ones, am i to be faulted? if i like to take up a sport, but not excel in it simply because i'm not a competitive person, does it mean i'm less worthy than those flaunting gold medals? ok granted, and definitely we shd applaud, those who are able to juggle good grades, recognisable sporting achievements, contributions to the community's overall welfare, making a point to lead others (not everyone is born a leader btw, or else where shall the followers hail from), yes yes really remarkable achievement i shd say. but that doesn't mean others are anything less worthy. well it seems that character, and more intangible parts of a person are gradually getting recognised as worthy too, but this recognition remains a far cry from what the person truly deserves. i dont' know, just random ramblings, ok back to mugging (one of the yardsticks we're all hoping to excel at least- get good grades).

JJJJJOOOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE

too many choices

i'm going to spare about 5 mins from this crazy mugging period to just say sth that has been on my mind for some time. choices. i realised that with the explosion of choices available to us, each day, as we grow older (and supposedly wiser), it seems like our decision making skills are becoming lousier. or at least for me, a person who's super indecisive. in econs terms, every individual makes choices, weighing the opportunity costs (the value of foregone alternatives) against the benefits accrued. it has been ingrained in us so deeply, that we fail to realise it. when choosing the course to take, when thinking about uni applications, when falling in love and wondering whether the person we've chosen is the right one, when deciding what to eat for lunch, when thinking about the regrets that we might have to bear if we take the wrong path in our future careers. so many options now, and yet so many pitfalls for regrets as well. well come to think of it, the very fact that i'm taking out 10 mins now of my mugging time, is also another opportunity cost, or is it. it's sad that we're always trying to find the best for ourselves, well it's not wrong, but it gets tiring, too rational, too grown up. i want to be like a child, where decisions were made and paths paved for me. but is it really a more attractive alternative? imagine living without a choice, that goes back to the days of our grandparents. maybe. and i read somewhere that says, when you've so many choices, even after you've made the best one in ur opinion, you wouldn't enjoy it so much because of the thought of all the lost options in the process of havin to pick one. such a confusing world. oh well, back to mugging. i'm still perplexed with making decisions.